contentment
The Simple Secret To True Happiness
It is easy to become too focused on the pursuit of happiness, to the detriment of true happiness. For many years, I was constantly setting goals for my ‘future happiness,’ only to eventually realize that I had been missing out on the joy available in the present moment.
I am certainly not alone in this, as I find many of my friends and clients tend to postpone joy and contentment, believing that they will finally be happy once they have achieved milestones, or acquired certain possessions.
Meanwhile, the key to living one’s best life is to fully embrace the present moment. This does not mean that we should stop dreaming of a better future or no longer pursue important personal goals. However, our future hopes and ambitions should not cause us to put our life on hold, nor prevent us from being fully immersed in the now.
If you are also someone with such an intense future-focus, I encourage you to begin living more in the present. You will soon discover a more fulfilling and joyful way of life.
Future-Focused Thinking
The first step is to let go of future-focused thinking. Many of us tend to constantly think about the future, worrying about what lies ahead or longing for future achievements. This mindset deprives us of the beauty and opportunities that exist in the present.
The Fire Season Of Love And Joy
In Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM), there are Five Elements, namely Wood, Fire, Earth, Metal, and Water. These elements are each associated with the seasons, certain emotional states, and specific organs in the physical body. I am personally fascinated with how accurate these correlations can be.
In the summer season, for example, the element of fire rules. The four organs associated with the fire element is the heart, small intestines, pericardium (or heart protector) and San Jiao, or the ‘triple energizer,’ which is the hollow space inside the trunk of the body.
In TCM, the solid organs each has its counterpart in a ‘hollow organ (Fu).’ The heart, for example, is a solid organ, and the small intestine its hollow counterpart. San Jiao is a body cavity that is able to influence the functioning of other organs and our overall health through the free movement of Qi, the fundamental life force energy.
The fire element represents expansion of energy expanding with heightened activity and excitement. It is further associated with love, joy, harmony, but also disharmony. In extreme cases, too much fiery excitement can cause insomnia, restlessness, and even manic behavior.
A good example of how the joy of the fire season manifests in our everyday life is the fact that summer is the peaktime of the year for weddings. This time of the year our hearts are most open, seeking to be filled with joy. We seem to radiate more light and love in the summer, just like the warm sunshine.
The Key To Happiness Is Self-Care
The most important thing we can do in life is to take good care of ourselves, because this is the only way we can truly be of service to others. Although this may seem counterintuitive, to be most effective we must take some time to put ourselves first and treat ourselves with more love and kindness. The demands of family, friends, career, business and our community are absolutely necessary to attend to, but the gift of self-care must also be given to ourselves.
People tend to believe they have no time for proper self-care. This is often because they have too many unnecessary, self-assigned duties on their plate. There is no point in worrying about all the things that one cannot effectively change. Some issues should be left to sort themselves out over time. Others are not worth the effort or stress in the greater scheme of things.
The trick is to tell the difference between what is within our control and truly our responsibility, and what can be disregarded or delayed. We must prioritize the issues that matter most, and focus our energy on what we can solve or change. This frees up time for taking better care of yourself.
Regardless of how simple or extravagant our self-care activities might be, it is vital to feel that there is a mini-escape from the pressure-ridden demands of our life. For example, whether it is a quick stretch, or a solid workout, keep your body moving to the best of your ability. It doesn’t take long to feel revitalized, so make the most of whatever time you have.
Time To Start Living Your Best Life!
This past three years have been difficult on many levels for all of us, whether it be financially, emotionally, physically, or mentally. It has been a difficult time for even the most happy-go-lucky people among us.
Most of my clients have lost someone or something of significance in their lives, whether it be their personal freedom, their peace of mind, their health, their job or business, or a loved one. Some have tragically even lost everything, or in some cases everyone.
Thankfully, many of these people have been picking up the pieces and moving forward with their lives. Some are however still struggling. The one thing I have noticed with those who continue to suffer is that they seem to have given up on life. They appear to have lost their desire to live, or simply to get out of bed each day. But no matter what our circumstances may be, this is the one thing we must never allow ourselves to do as spiritual beings in human form.
If you find yourself still struggling, understand that you have a great strength inside of you that will always carry you to new heights if you just allow it. Understand that this challenging period in our history was meant to teach us what truly matters and what is most important in life. It was also meant to help us release the things that no longer serve us.
It is time to shift your energy. Time to take a good hard look at where you are at, where you have been, and where you ultimately want to be. Each day, declare, “Today is the first day of the rest of my amazing life. I am powerful, smart, and strong. I can do, be or have whatever I set my mind to.”
Waiting On The World To Change
Waiting On The World To Change is not just a great John Mayer song, it is also a devastating pattern in many people’s lives. Too often people are waiting for some outside force to come along and bring them the happiness and fulfillment they want. Living one’s life ‘on hold’ in this way can become a incapacitating habit that will only serve to make us eternally stuck and unhappy.
When we are waiting for a change from someone or something other than ourselves, we are not taking control of our own power. More importantly, we are also not taking personal responsibility for our God-given free will choices, nor are we holding ourselves accountable for our own actions (or inaction).
We all have that friend who is always saying how great her relationship would be ‘if only’ her partner would change a certain habit, or do something differently. Or that colleague who never gets the promotion, while she keeps blaming others as to why she is constantly overlooked. Or the diseased relative who ‘cannot’ improve her health and wellness, because making better lifestyle choices just doesn’t fit into her busy work schedule and social life.
The worst one for me is people waiting for that amazing soulmate relationship to finally materialize, when they are not making even the least bit of effort to put themselves out there and meet new people.
Some people spend a lot of time constantly setting new goals or intentions, making wish lists, creating vision boards, or doing visualizations or rituals, to manifest the changes they want to see in their lives. But what if the thing they need to change is actually themselves?
Less Stress, More Meditation
We do our best to not be in a state of constant stress, toxic environments and unhealthy situations. We try so hard to keep our life in a state of contentment and happiness.
We intuitively know that if we keep our stress levels down, we sleep better and we think more clearly. Being in a state of zen is our original state.
When we are at peace, we are more able to hear that inner voice telling us what to do, and not do. It is what I call our inner GPS. We can hear it much more clearly when I we are centered and grounded, and not stressing.
I have found that only through meditation can I fully achieve this state of ‘less stress’ in my life. Of course, we can never eliminate stress completely, but meditation does empower me to achieve that state of contentment more easily.
After many years of practice, I can even achieve this within a few moments by simply focusing on my breath. But it is best when I take a good 30 minutes to go through my meditative steps. This includes breathwork and visualizing my body relaxing from my toes to top of my head.
During my destressing meditation I also take some time to send out love, light and peace to everyone that I know and love, including those who I don’t necessarily like very much. I also visualize the things I want to manifest in my life.
Today’s Journey, Not Tomorrow’s Destination
I often hear my clients say, “If only I can meet my soulmate, then I will be happy.” Then when they meet that special person, they say they will finally be happy once they propose. Once they are married, then they cannot be completely happy until they have children.
Then, if they only one child, then can only be happy if they have a second. Or if they have two boys, they will only find lasting happiness once they also have a girl. Or they can only be happy once they have built or bought the dream house, or lost the weight, or launched their new business, and on, and on.
The worst scenario is people waiting for their retirement to finally be happy.
If you ask other people you will discover that nobody has everything they want. Most people have never had ‘everything.’ The few that might seem to have it all, usually do not. There is always something still lacking or missing. Nobody’s life is perfect.
Many of us spend our fleeting time on this planet wanting more, being insatiable, and never feeling fulfilled, content, or happy. It’s wonderful to have goals. Not having goals can be extremely depressing. But enjoying the process and journey toward achieving those goals will make them have even more valued and fulfilling.
More importantly, we are seldom grateful or appreciative for what we do already have. I have also found that not being grateful will bring us karmic lessons of appreciation, often by losing the good things in our life that we so easily disregard. I have seen that time and again with clients, friends and relatives.
We are an insatiable, greedy society. This who become millionaires, then want to be multi-millionaires., and then won’t be happy or fulfilled until they’re billionaires. When is enough, enough. We can only wear one outfit at a time, drive one car at a time and live in one house at a time.
I have so many friends who spent their children’s entire childhood chasing the career dreams and business goals, constantly being stressed, frazzled and not at all present when they do spend a little time with their kids. Then they wake up one day and realize their children are grown and gone, and they missed most of it.