commitment
It Just Happened
Too often people justify their poor judgment and bad choices with feeble excuses like, “It just happened.” But we all know that this is seldom the truth. The reality is that every step in our life is a choice. Whether we step forward, sideways, backwards, or stand still, it is a choice. And we should take personal responsibility for our life choices.
In everyday life we do not think much about where our steps may be leading us. We are typically just walking automatically in some direction. Many people simply live by trial and error.
However, when things go bad for us, it is usually because we have subconsciously, or even consciously, made the choice to move in a certain direction – a direction that we intuitively knew was not serving our highest good. And sadly, many times these bad choices also severely affect others.
For example, a friend of mine, who has only been married for one year, currently remains geographically separated from her husband, until she gets her immigration paperwork to be able to join him legally in his country. They had a beautiful wedding, and made the usual promises: to love and cherish, be faithful, in sickness and health, until death do them part.
Despite their long-distance marriage, they were doing everything right during the waiting period – or so it seemed. They called each other daily on the phone, and also talked on video chat. They constantly texted loving messages. He was originally also able to come and visit her here in Canada, but she could not cross the border to see him. However, when the Covid-19 pandemic hit, he was also denied entry. They had no further choice but to wait it out.
Home Is Still Where The Heart Is
This is a traumatic, stressful time in history for many of us, especially since there is so much confusing news and information to process and assimilate. We can, however, do a number of things during this extremely stressful period to make our lives easier, instead of cowering under the bed until it all blows over. Most importantly, we can choose to face reality with gratitude, courage and fortitude.
There should be precautions put into place certainly, but also there should be some joy and happiness, as well as planning for the future. We should be taking advantage of this blissful and happy downtime inside the place where we usually love, hope and live – inside our personal domicile, our home.
Never before have we had such ample opportunity to get to know our loved ones in a more intimate and connected way. Never before have we been reminded so deeply of the many reasons we have to be thankful for. This is a unique time in our lives, during which we can teach our children, as well as each other, that what appears to be a bleak and dire moment can certainly be turned around and changed into one of joy, appreciation and merriment.
Instead of sitting around feeling miserable, many parents have, for example, been contriving makeshift toys, contraptions and activities to help children continue to be happy and carefree, as they should be, whether it be indoors, or in their own backyard.
There are also many adults who are taking advantage of this ‘alone time’ to reconnect, not only with others whom they may have been unintentionally neglecting, but also getting to know and understand themselves on a deeper level.
Thank You For Leaving Me
Heartbreak is never easy. I have heard the words, “But I love him,” so many times after a break-up. I have also heard, “No one can replace her.” I have even heard, “I’ll never even think about another person in this way, or even try to find someone new.”
Who is this mindset hurting? Look at the reality of it. It’s not hurting the other person, who walked out on the relationship. They walked out for a reason. Often they have also moved on with someone new. The only person being hurt, by hanging on, is the person hanging on.
I have also heard, “She is my soulmate,” or “He is my twin flame.” Well, if they are not on the same page as you in this lifetime, and not committed to making the relationship work, then they are not your soulmate, or twin flame. It takes a commitment from both parties.
Love is subjective. Love has to be equal from both people involved. However, when only one has their heart and soul invested, it will never last. If someone is able to walk out on the first argument, it is definitely not meant to be. If there is ever disrespect, it is also not meant to be.
I have also been at this place in my life. I was devastated when my husband walked out. I thought I had failed, but then I realized the truth. The marriage was over long before this happened. The equality of feelings was long gone, and respect was non-existent. He controlled what I did, even how I thought at times, and was wreaking havoc on my self-esteem.
Find Your Balance With Rest And Relaxation
As I made my way into 2020, with great intentions and resolutions, I found that my life was full of busyness, obligations and a calendar quickly filling up. My 2020 vision board was filled with new goals and dreams, and my employer was eager to roll out new duties and processes to an already demanding workload.
I felt hopeful for all the things I wanted to accomplish, ready to take on all of the manifesting and challenges with gusto. Determined to find balance. But, as I look back over the past few weeks, I realize that I was reluctant to get going.
I began to cut corners in my new workout regime, and my meditation practice was not as frequent and strong as I knew it could be. I was not focused on my goals and felt myself burning out quickly in all tasks. My plate was full and the harder I tried, I had to admit, I was just not into it.
I have been feeling absolutely overwhelmed by the huge amount of work I needed to catch up on. My workout goal has only been making me more tired. As I procrastinated on the items on my ‘to do list’ and the commitments piled up, I actually felt more paralyzed than motivated.
Instead of trudging further through the process in a reluctant mood, I then chose to make an abrupt halt for a few days and simply rest. Just rest. Took a break. Time out. I cleared all of my commitments and turned off connection to all work items. I had no need to get out of my pajamas for a few days. I ordered takeout and let any dishes and laundry wait for a while.
Active Listening – A Message From My Guides
Your ears are working all day long. They hear thousands and thousands of sounds. Most sounds are routine, so many are dismissed as the normal cacophony of a busy life.
Without particularly focusing, you can easily differentiate between outdoor construction work, the squeal of tires on pavement, and the subtle dripping of a faucet indoors. You can also be awakened by an unusual sound while you are sound asleep.
With all this hearing going on 24/7, how often do you really make time to truly listen? Not just to miscellaneous, irrelevant sounds, or humdrum activity, but to the voices of loved ones and your own inner voice?
The key here is time. Everyone is so busy these days, that we are often thinking of something in the past, or planning hours, days or weeks in advance. Meanwhile, golden opportunities to learn more about each other can easily slip by.
People often hide their fears behind words of bravado or arrogance. When strangled by ego, they can overcompensate by sounding obnoxious or condescending. When they are feeling small or insignificant, people can try too hard to impress. Each of these attitudes can be annoying to the listener.
Is It Worth Your Health And Happiness?
We are usually deep in conversation, accompanied by a lot of belly laughs, when I meet with my group of crochet girlfriends every other week. We meet around a large table, yarn in hand, to make lots of wonderful goodies to give away at Christmas, or whatever festive holiday is upon us.
Things turned serious at a recent gathering, when one of the gals in our group starting talking about her daughter, who recently separated from her husband. She said a few things about their situation and then looked up at me, but decided not to ask, as I was there for fun and not to be asked any psychic questions.
My friends know that when I’m at our crochet circle, it is about taking a break from my work and just having some fun with the girls! But it’s not always so easy.
She quickly tried changing the subject, but the other ladies started to talk about their own children. Some of the older gals even brought up their grandchildren who were recently divorced, or separated.
Many comments were made like, “Times are tough,” and, “These days things aren’t the same as they were when we were growing up,” and “Life is no longer as simple as it used to be back in the day,” and also, “Technology is ruining a lot of couples these days.”
When A Relationship Ends
When a relationship ends, no matter which partner ended it, a certain amount of healing and forgiveness is always needed. But people deal with break-ups differently and everyone handles it in their own, unique way. There is no right or wrong way. Some people seem to move on more quickly, while for others it can take months, or even years.
In truth, when a relationship ends it has usually been over for some time already. Some people take years to end a relationship, and often they have already grieved the relationship for quite some time.
It is all too easy to sit in judgment of your former partner, or place the blame solely on the other person. You may have been a really good partner in your own eyes, but what was your part in the puzzle of the relationship? One must look at all sides of the story to truly understand why the relationship did not work.
So, although a break-up is uncomfortable and painful, usually accompanied by lots of tears due to self-examination, your own part in any relationship failure must be examined for your own personal growth.
It’s hard to take a look at yourself and be brutally honest on all levels. For example, you may feel that your gave the relationship 110% percent. Well, truth be told, if you really were the only one giving your all to keep the relationship going, then you most likely also became resentful without even realizing it. Your own needs were probably not being met in the relationship. You started to lose yourself and became only the mirror of the other person.