happiness
Neglecting Your Own Needs Will Destroy Your Relationship
Some people are in really toxic relationships without realizing it. How do you know for sure if you are in a bad relationship? Well, often it is as simple as asking yourself a few basic questions.
Am I safe? Am I truly happy? Do I feel loved and supported? Are my most important needs being met? If you answer no to any of these, you may need to reassess your relationship.
Some people get caught in a dead-end relationship trap. They feel trapped and do not know how to get out of a bad situation. It can be very hard to leave someone you love. But sometimes that is what me must do in order to love ourselves.
A leading cause of failing relationships is often a lack of open, honest communication about our hopes, dreams, fears, and needs. It is very hard sometimes to bring up a subject that is uncomfortable, but remember that you deserve to be happy. It does not serve anyone to put your own needs last.
Self-worth also plays a major role. Do not put your own needs aside because you fear you cannot do better. Stay true to what is most important to you and ask for what you want!
If your current partner cannot meet your needs or refuses to respect your wishes, maybe your future does not align with theirs. Finding the right person is really what you need to do to be true to you and who you are.
Less Stress, More Meditation
We do our best to not be in a state of constant stress, toxic environments and unhealthy situations. We try so hard to keep our life in a state of contentment and happiness.
We intuitively know that if we keep our stress levels down, we sleep better and we think more clearly. Being in a state of zen is our original state.
When we are at peace, we are more able to hear that inner voice telling us what to do, and not do. It is what I call our inner GPS. We can hear it much more clearly when I we are centered and grounded, and not stressing.
I have found that only through meditation can I fully achieve this state of ‘less stress’ in my life. Of course, we can never eliminate stress completely, but meditation does empower me to achieve that state of contentment more easily.
After many years of practice, I can even achieve this within a few moments by simply focusing on my breath. But it is best when I take a good 30 minutes to go through my meditative steps. This includes breathwork and visualizing my body relaxing from my toes to top of my head.
During my destressing meditation I also take some time to send out love, light and peace to everyone that I know and love, including those who I don’t necessarily like very much. I also visualize the things I want to manifest in my life.
Keeping Score In A Relationship
I believe the habit of keeping a ‘score card’ might start in someone’s childhood. It is based on developing a certain sense of duty and responsibility early on. For example, as kids I remember my sister and I had to take turns doing the dishes. My sister would always keep tabs on that chore. She always knew whose turn it was next. My sister is four years older than me, and to this day she still keeps score on almost everything in her life.
This also set the precedent for me with friends and other family members. Others keeping score just seems natural to me, so I never feel the need to do so myself.
This did not server me well in all aspects of my young adult life. For example, in relationships it always felt like I was the one trying to make things work. It did not make any difference to me who called who last. Therefore, I ended up doing most of the calling. But does it truly matter that much?
What has the other person done for me? After all I have done and given so much! What do I get out of this relationship? These are the questions score keepers are always asking themselves.
But in my view, a relationship is never 50/50, even if both people are truly happy and fulfilled. One will always be doing less or more. But it does not matter, as true love is supposed to be unconditional.
So, if you are keeping a score card things will never balance and the emotion that will come up is anger, rebellion, defensiveness, or a complete shut-down. That does not serve any relationship in the long run.
Never Switch Your Vibration For Toxic, Negative People
Recently I was invited out for coffee by one of my very good friends. This lady is sweet, gentle, and extremely accepting of others. When we arrived at the coffee shop, she introduced me to another friend. I was very happy to make the acquaintance, as meeting new people is always a rather thrilling experience for me. I find it opens up a world of new ideas, opinions, and information.
Now, generally, I tend to operate in a gentle, fluid vibration, which is usually ideal, as it removes all anxiety or any kind of inner turmoil. But, suprisingly, meeting this lady my energy instantly switched to a harsh, resistant vibration, which is very much out of my character.
I could actually feel my body physically reacting to her presence. Since I was immediately aware of the change in the ‘vibes,’ I tried my best to establish a calmer and more accepting manner with this person and was temporarily at least somewhat successful in going back to my normally centered, grounded state. Our conversation were not exactly harmonious, but things did proceed in a slightly more friendly fashion.
During our chit chat, she discovered that I go bike riding every morning for a couple of hours. I live in a very small city, so it is no problem for 1me to hop on my bicycle and head out into the countryside, for what is usually the most enjoyable part of my day.
The route I normally take goes through a lovely area of farmland, where of course there are at times many dogs running about. Most farmers here do not restrain their animals, but it has never caused me any major problems. I love animals and actually enjoy seeing them.
Nagging Thoughts Are Life Lessons
Sometimes I do it too – we all do it. We sit there and rehash stuff in our minds…over and over. We beat ourselves up and say things like, “If only I would have done this”, or “If only I had not said that”.
This kind of thinking really is a waste of time. It can be very draining to sit and analyze things gone by and worry about the past.
Of course, it is certainly better to move with some discernment and caution, while we are going about our day, so we don’t make unnecessary mistakes or fall victim to this kind of regretful thinking later. But it is also important to know that no one is perfect.
Some go about their days not caring what they do or say, and neither do they ever feel the need to do this kind of obsessive thinking about the past. But the majority of us sometimes wonder if we could have done things differently, or feel the need to hold ourselves accountable for every thought, word, action and deed – and that is why we tend to go over things, time and time again.
When you find yourself engaging in this kind of thinking, just stop doing it. Thoughts that just replay events over and over again in your mind is such a waste of energy. Instead consider for a minute how the relevant events are actually a wonderful learning experience.
Those thoughts are there, bugging you, as an opportunity for growth. Ask yourself what you will do or say differently next time, and then you can go about the rest of your day with inner peace and comfort, knowing you that you have gained valuable new knowledge from the experience, and now you can turn it into wisdom for the future. People who learn from themselves and their actions can truly smile, knowing that they can ‘cruise’ along this cosmic wave called life at a higher altitude and higher level of thinking.
How To Set Intentions That Manifest
Not long ago, I was going through some storage boxes and out fell a little scrap of paper. Curious, I picked it up, unfolded it and read the words I had written over a year earlier.
Now, I do not remember writing this little note, or saving it for that matter. But what I found grabbed my attention and pulled me immediately into the present moment.
It was a wish list. I had written things like, “do fulfilling work that feeds my soul,” and “a home with by the ocean, mountains and forest.” As I read through the items on this list, I realized that all of them had meanwhile become a reality in my life. I was amazed, and filled with gratitude!
Like most people, I also too often forget to take stock and honor moments of gratitude for the many blessings in my life.
While this wish list shook me back into gratitude, it also got me thinking about something else. The power of intention.
I always say that life is like driving – you need to look where you want your car to go. With the general busy-ness of life getting in the way, it can be challenging to stay focused on where we want to be versus where we are now.
I have found the following three strategies help to bring me back into full presence and awareness in the current moment, as well as setting intentions like a ‘map’ of where I want to be headed.
Envision The Broad Strokes
It is vital to understand that universal energies seek to help us manifest that which is our highest and best good. With this concept as our framework, we allow these energies to work within our lives in ways we may never have expected.
A Hopeful Spring Of New Beginnings
Spring is around the corner here in the Northern Hemisphere. Not only is the snow melting gradually, but Covid-19 is also slowly subsiding. Restaurants, gyms and theatres have finally reopened at full capacity, and it won’t be long now before mask mandates are at least partially lifted.
After two years of being ultra-cautious in one of the hardest hit pandemic hot-spots in Canada, this Spring will truly feel like a re-awakening into a brand new world for me!
It’s impossible not to feel a sense of joy and gratitude every year, as the days get longer and the weather loses its frigid edge, but this year’s season of reawakening seems especially blessed and hopeful.
However, against the backdrop of the horrors of war, adversity, and suffering experienced by people in other parts of the world, one must be particularly grateful. We are privileged to live in a place where we are safe, healthy, and comfortable.
Instead of complaining about trivial things, we must look around and count our blessings in our cozy corner of the world. We should choose to be happy for what we have, and appreciate the good things in our lives, no matter how small or simple they may seem.
Now is also an opportune time to regroup and reset our personal priorities, goals, and aspirations. For the first time in a long time we can now confidently begin to visualize our ideal future and take ambitious steps in the right direction. The Universe can only put it all together for us, once we set a clear intention for it.
It’s important to remember that visions boards, affirmations, prayer or visualizing are powerful tools in the manifesting process, but it takes a little more than to do the trick. We must also take some concrete steps and make some practical inroads, so that the Universe can conspire on our behalf to facilitate our success. Even the smallest of efforts will set things in motion.