Saying ‘I’m Sorry’

I had a conversation not too long ago with friends about the increasing breakdown in civility, courtesy, and decency in society. The lack of good manners creates isolation, loneliness and a feeling of not being cared for.

I have noticed these days when you tell others you are not doing well or going through a hard time, the other person often doesn’t seem to know how to respond. You’re lucky if you get at least a blank stare! This is not how grew up. There were a few ‘odd’ people in the old days who seemed stoic or lacking in empathy – but they stuck out! Now it seems to be the norm.

I saw a post on social media recently stating that we should stop saying ‘I’m sorry’ for everything. Instead, for example, if you are late, one should say ‘thank you for waiting for me.’ I feel this ill-conceived idea is a reflection of the social issues we face as a society today.

If someone was late and didn’t say sorry (which happens often to me) I would be even more annoyed. Words are powerful. A sincere apology (and forgiveness) has tremendous power.

The idea that no apology is needed when you are late is very narcissistic in my opinion. Life is not always about us, or what suits us, because in this world what is best for others is in fact also what is best for us. Selfish, cruel, mean people end up being miserable. Generous, well-mannered, kind-hearted people are blessed.

The concept here is apparently that by offering a sincere apology you are being submissive or bowing down to someone else by degrading yourself. Well, that is simply bizarre. An apology is a way of honoring the other person and keeping your dignity?

We all make mistakes. I am usually on time, but I have been late a few times in my life. Honor and dignity are not objects of pride; they are objects of humility, compassion, and respect for others.

Courtesy is a silver lining around the dark clouds of civilization; it is the best part of refinement and in many ways, an art of heroic beauty in the vast gallery of man’s cruelty and baseness ~ Bryant H. McGill

I once had an employee who had a real ‘chip on her shoulder.’ I gave her a $25 gift certificate at my store for Easter, just as a kind gesture. She simply said, “Okay.” I was angry and felt quite shocked she did not say thank you, much less smile. Somehow this was ‘cheap’ or below her? Feeling a need to be above others and constantly battling to not let them “get one over on you’ is a neurosis. It’s a delusion.

I have since learned that helping people who are the cause of their own problems, instead of victims of circumstance, and helping people who are entitled and ungrateful, is actually harmful to them. It is not helping.

If you are kind to others and sense no gratitude from them, it may be best to redirect that love and energy to someone else who truly appreciates it. And if you constantly lack love, joy and abundance in your life, you may want to reflect on how kind, courteous and generous you have been to others. People who never apologize or treat others cruelly often do so because of their own lack consciousness and scarcity mentality – and those who focus on lack and scarcity will never know the fullness of abundance and spiritual inner peace.

Never believe you’re so great or important, so right or proud, that you cannot kneel at the feet of someone you hurt and offer a humble, sincere apology ~ Richelle E. Goodrich

I have gone through some tough times, as have my friends. I am surprised at the stoic reactions I get from so many people. I have many clients and friends who will always come to me first, because they know they will get genuine empathy and caring. My clients are often telling me that no one cares; they feel no empathy from family and friends. People tell me they always feel better when they get off the phone with me, even if I had to give them bad news about their situation.

I feel we do not say ‘I’m sorry’ enough! It is a powerful spiritual practice and it feels really good. I highly recommend it.