self-sabotage
Learning To Say Yes To Yourself
It is in the empath’s nature to say ‘yes’ to just about anything requested of them. It goes against our grain. For some of us, saying ‘no’ also brings on fears of rejection, abandonment or letting someone down when it may be important to support them. Rather than finding an excuse, or simply telling the truth, many of us give in and just go along. It just feels easier in the moment, and even validating or satisfying.
But when you end that phone call, or respond to another text, and you feel anxious and panicked, while you start going over all the other things that will have to fall to the wayside by saying yes, then you really are saying no to yourself. Self-care requires that we sometimes say no to others, in order to say yes to our own well-being and peace of mind. Consequently, the person that you said yes to won’t be getting the best of you. If you have said yes at your own expense, then what you bring to the table for that person is stress and anxiety. Your best self will not be fully present.
Saying yes, when you really want to say no, can also lead to resentment that you then attach to the person who asked for your assistance. Here the responsibility lies with ourselves. We teach people how to treat us and many times we don’t give others enough credit for understanding when we say no. Most people would rather hear. “No thanks, that time doesn’t work for me” or “I have other commitments,” instead of having to sense a half-hearted or less than enthusiastic yes.
The Wisdom Of Forgiveness With Healthy Boundaries
We all have experienced the unease of feeling unable to forgive someone who has wronged us in some way. Sometimes it is really hard to let go of the way someone has gossiped about us, for example. It is difficult to understand why some people have the need to act the way they do, especially when these people are directly or indirectly related to us. Some families just split up and have nothing more to do with each other, because of this lack of forgiveness.
I was meditating on this one night before bed, and asked the Great Spirit to give me deeper insight and understanding on forgiveness. I had consciously made the healing decision for myself, that I will no longer share and keep space open for those who continue to do the same things to me, over and over, because it is unhealthy for me. But, I still felt the need to forgive. And I needed insight on how to do this.
Divine Timing And Patience
One of the spiritual messages I receive quite often is that everything comes in Divine timing and more patience is required. It is difficult for many of my clients to digest this, as there is typically no specific date provided with this kind of message.
Sometimes Divine timing is due to our guides and angels feeling that we are not ready yet. Other time there may be blockage that has to be removed, or another reason why things are being held up. When it is in regards to a relationship with another person, it may not be that person’s time to be in your life. While you may be ready, something may have to happen to free them up.
As difficult as it seems, if you wait patiently and do not allow yourself to become frustrated, things eventually will shift. Things will start to happen at a quicker rate. If you carry negativity, frustration, anger, baggage of the past, it creates additional resistance and nothing can move forward. Often we are creating the walls and barriers that prevent the good from coming in ourselves!
Are You A Magnet For Drama And Chaos?
One of my clients recently relocated to a quieter area, after many years of living a city life. Naturally, she was anticipating a more tranquil existence in her new rural setting, as well as in her new job in a ‘not-so-corporate’ environment. But her new lifestyle did not live up to her expectations. Her geographical change still brought with it a fair amount of chaos.
“What is it with me?” she asked me. “I am like a magnet for drama, and I want the chaos to stop!” Although I kept my focus on doing a reading for her with psychic tools, this was quite a challenging question or me personally, because I had, in fact, also been attracting my own share of drama these past few years.
From my own experience, I know that a certain amount of drama can feel temporarily invigorating, as it prompts the body to produce an adrenaline rush. It can produce a pleasant surge of energy. But it can eventually become particularly debilitating when we are in continuous adrenal overdrive. It’s not an advisable state to be in constantly. After all, we are spiritual beings in a body, and spiritual teachings advise a balance of work, sleep, rest and play!
The Fallacy Of Future Happiness
One of the most consistent messages that come through when I am doing readings for clients, is the effects of the stories we tell about life and our circumstances. This is the first in a series of two blogs discussing two types of stories that people often tell themselves that have the potential to promote self-sabotage related to nearly every area of life.
We are all storytellers by nature and every experience that we have as human beings is an interpretation of the world around us. We apply labels to the world around us and the circumstances we find ourselves in every day. One of the most damaging stories that we tell ourselves are the future stories of happiness.
Spirit will often give us insights into patterns in our own lives to avoid. A consistent pattern to avoid is the fallacy that something in the future will eventually cause happiness. Happiness simply does not work like that.
Healing Through Radical Self-Forgiveness
There’s no getting around the fact that we’re our own worst critics. There has been much written on the subject of forgiving others, but what about forgiving ourselves? This is the first and most crucial step to real, lasting, healthy self-love.
The roots of the pain many of us feel are guilt and shame – the knowledge that we have wronged or hurt someone else, and the lasting fallout resulting in self-harm. Guilt is sometimes a catalyst to change behavior, but shame often comes with long-term effects, such as negative thinking patterns, self-harming behavior such as addiction, depression or anxiety, and self-sabotage.
Over long periods shame is like a poison in our bloodstream which touches every aspect of our lives. But it doesn’t have to last! There is a healthy way to overcome the legacies of shame and guilt, and it all starts with compassion.