self-sabotage
Creating Space Between Yourself And The Addict
Everybody needs a little time away. Some of us need much longer. I personally know people who have been together for decades, who have found the best way for them to stay together is to give each other some space.
But some of us need even more space than others, especially those of us who are with people who struggle with substance abuse in some way, shape or form. Spirit says that you can still love someone with addiction issues, but you might need some space and time away for your own well-being. I feel strongly that it is unhealthy to stay with someone if they have an addiction, because it does not contribute to peace in the body, mind, spirit, or the home in which you dwell.
Those that have to live with someone who abuses alcohol or drugs, know how hard it can be to have a meaningful conversation or healthy relationship with that person. The energy is always of a lower vibration. And children caught up in those situations have to feel it more than the adults, who may have learned to put up a shield of protection.
We must create a space between us and the addict, in order to keep peace and harmony in the home, for ourselves and those we love and care about. Keeping a peaceful home is a responsibility not only to ourselves, but to those who we are responsible for.
Sometimes The Solution Is Right Before Us
A client recently asked me why ‘bad things’ keep happening in her life. Why does everything seem so hopeless and nothing is fun anymore? She is constantly in pain and there is really no more joy in her life.
The first thing Spirit showed me was a vision of myself when I was in pain, then a flash of me doing Yoga and how I was no longer in pain. For me the key is to not second guess, just to share whatever I get immediately. So, I simply told this women she must start doing Yoga. “Oh my gosh, she said, “I gave up Yoga some time ago and then the pain came back. I never thought of that!”
We have to be proactive and create positive steps in creating positive outcomes. It is simply the Law of Cause and Effect. We get pain relief from doing things that make us feel good and things that are good for us. Spirit says, “If we do nothing to fix something, nothing will get fixed.”
Sometimes in life we are so busy with the drama and chaos that we can’t think with clarity, in order to see what we need to do. Sometimes the solution is right before us, but we don’t realize it, because we are overlooking it. My client said she felt like a blindfold was lifted . Apparently she sees her old Yoga mat in her closet every day, but chose to overlook it. “Not anymore,” she laughed.
Learning To Say Yes To Yourself
It is in the empath’s nature to say ‘yes’ to just about anything requested of them. It goes against our grain. For some of us, saying ‘no’ also brings on fears of rejection, abandonment or letting someone down when it may be important to support them. Rather than finding an excuse, or simply telling the truth, many of us give in and just go along. It just feels easier in the moment, and even validating or satisfying.
But when you end that phone call, or respond to another text, and you feel anxious and panicked, while you start going over all the other things that will have to fall to the wayside by saying yes, then you really are saying no to yourself. Self-care requires that we sometimes say no to others, in order to say yes to our own well-being and peace of mind. Consequently, the person that you said yes to won’t be getting the best of you. If you have said yes at your own expense, then what you bring to the table for that person is stress and anxiety. Your best self will not be fully present.
Saying yes, when you really want to say no, can also lead to resentment that you then attach to the person who asked for your assistance. Here the responsibility lies with ourselves. We teach people how to treat us and many times we don’t give others enough credit for understanding when we say no. Most people would rather hear. “No thanks, that time doesn’t work for me” or “I have other commitments,” instead of having to sense a half-hearted or less than enthusiastic yes.
The Wisdom Of Forgiveness With Healthy Boundaries
We all have experienced the unease of feeling unable to forgive someone who has wronged us in some way. Sometimes it is really hard to let go of the way someone has gossiped about us, for example. It is difficult to understand why some people have the need to act the way they do, especially when these people are directly or indirectly related to us. Some families just split up and have nothing more to do with each other, because of this lack of forgiveness.
I was meditating on this one night before bed, and asked the Great Spirit to give me deeper insight and understanding on forgiveness. I had consciously made the healing decision for myself, that I will no longer share and keep space open for those who continue to do the same things to me, over and over, because it is unhealthy for me. But, I still felt the need to forgive. And I needed insight on how to do this.
Divine Timing And Patience
One of the spiritual messages I receive quite often is that everything comes in Divine timing and more patience is required. It is difficult for many of my clients to digest this, as there is typically no specific date provided with this kind of message.
Sometimes Divine timing is due to our guides and angels feeling that we are not ready yet. Other time there may be blockage that has to be removed, or another reason why things are being held up. When it is in regards to a relationship with another person, it may not be that person’s time to be in your life. While you may be ready, something may have to happen to free them up.
As difficult as it seems, if you wait patiently and do not allow yourself to become frustrated, things eventually will shift. Things will start to happen at a quicker rate. If you carry negativity, frustration, anger, baggage of the past, it creates additional resistance and nothing can move forward. Often we are creating the walls and barriers that prevent the good from coming in ourselves!
Are You A Magnet For Drama And Chaos?
One of my clients recently relocated to a quieter area, after many years of living a city life. Naturally, she was anticipating a more tranquil existence in her new rural setting, as well as in her new job in a ‘not-so-corporate’ environment. But her new lifestyle did not live up to her expectations. Her geographical change still brought with it a fair amount of chaos.
“What is it with me?” she asked me. “I am like a magnet for drama, and I want the chaos to stop!” Although I kept my focus on doing a reading for her with psychic tools, this was quite a challenging question or me personally, because I had, in fact, also been attracting my own share of drama these past few years.
From my own experience, I know that a certain amount of drama can feel temporarily invigorating, as it prompts the body to produce an adrenaline rush. It can produce a pleasant surge of energy. But it can eventually become particularly debilitating when we are in continuous adrenal overdrive. It’s not an advisable state to be in constantly. After all, we are spiritual beings in a body, and spiritual teachings advise a balance of work, sleep, rest and play!
The Fallacy Of Future Happiness
One of the most consistent messages that come through when I am doing readings for clients, is the effects of the stories we tell about life and our circumstances. This is the first in a series of two blogs discussing two types of stories that people often tell themselves that have the potential to promote self-sabotage related to nearly every area of life.
We are all storytellers by nature and every experience that we have as human beings is an interpretation of the world around us. We apply labels to the world around us and the circumstances we find ourselves in every day. One of the most damaging stories that we tell ourselves are the future stories of happiness.
Spirit will often give us insights into patterns in our own lives to avoid. A consistent pattern to avoid is the fallacy that something in the future will eventually cause happiness. Happiness simply does not work like that.