Learning To Say Yes To Yourself
It is in the empath’s nature to say ‘yes’ to just about anything requested of them. It goes against our grain. For some of us, saying ‘no’ also brings on fears of rejection, abandonment or letting someone down when it may be important to support them. Rather than finding an excuse, or simply telling the truth, many of us give in and just go along. It just feels easier in the moment, and even validating or satisfying.
But when you end that phone call, or respond to another text, and you feel anxious and panicked, while you start going over all the other things that will have to fall to the wayside by saying yes, then you really are saying no to yourself. Self-care requires that we sometimes say no to others, in order to say yes to our own well-being and peace of mind. Consequently, the person that you said yes to won’t be getting the best of you. If you have said yes at your own expense, then what you bring to the table for that person is stress and anxiety. Your best self will not be fully present.
Saying yes, when you really want to say no, can also lead to resentment that you then attach to the person who asked for your assistance. Here the responsibility lies with ourselves. We teach people how to treat us and many times we don’t give others enough credit for understanding when we say no. Most people would rather hear. “No thanks, that time doesn’t work for me” or “I have other commitments,” instead of having to sense a half-hearted or less than enthusiastic yes.
The Powerful Gift Of Self-Compassion
Empaths do not only have the capability to discern another person’ suffering or pain. We also have the gift of compassion – the ability, as well as the desire, to mitigate someone else’s pain, or alleviate it all together. The two abilities go hand in hand. I have yet to meet an empath who doesn’t express deep compassion and a sincere desire to mitigate pain and suffering. It’s a wonderful gift that the world could use a lot more of right now.
According to Emma Seppälä, a writer for the Harvard Business Review, compassion is a much better business management tactic than toughness. Research shows that the more compassionate response will get you more powerful results as a business manager.
Compassion inspires loyalty according to a study by Jonathan Haidt of New York University. Haidt found that the more employees looked up to their leaders, and were moved by their compassion or kindness (a state he called elevation), the more loyal they became to them. It follows then that responding with anger or frustration has the opposite effect.
Friendship And The Empath
Friends are a wonderful addition to our lives. In some cases they even take the place of family of origin, and become our chosen family. A healthy friendship is a balanced one – give and take, trust, loyalty, acceptance and truth delivered with compassion. Unfortunately, for the empath, friendship can also be treacherous territory, sometimes rife with debbie downers, energy thieves, and psychic vampires.
There are different levels of friendship, from casual social friendships to those we call ‘best friends.’ These best friends are ones with whom we feel safe sharing our deepest secrets, fears, hopes and dreams.
Social media has made it much easier in recent years to connect with friends. With a click of the keyboard a new friend can be made or an old acquaintance rekindled. Social media sites have even recognized the importance of providing the choice of putting people into the appropriate category, such as people from work or close friends. People can be also unfriended, blocked or reported if they are out of bounds, and what is seen publicly by our friends can be limited.
Dealing With Dysfunctional Family Dynamics
Family dynamics can be tremendously complex. These relationships are multi-layered and may have played out for ages. Next to love relationship, and then business, family relationships are at the top of the list for many of my clients.
For many family is a love-hate scenario, which can be particularly challenging. It is said we cannot choose our family, but we can choose how and when, or if, we interact with them. However, severing family ties is a big step and not one taken lightly. By the time this happens the drama, or abuse has been ongoing for years – many times beginning in childhood. A childhood that in spite the passage of time is as fresh and painful as it was when it occurred. If money and or control are woven into the mix, the matter doubles in complexity.
It’s an unfortunate truth that many of the people that I speak with, especially empaths, intuitives and highly sensitive people, have family histories that are rife with conflict, and often also abuse. They often share a feeling of not belonging, being singled out, or being the scapegoat of the family. The suffering is long-term and tragic, with the scars running deep.
When A Relationship Ends
Many requests for readings that I receive are about relationships, and a good percentage of those are about past relationships that just seem to keep hanging on in callers’ minds and dreams. There are often constant thoughts about the person, a longing for a second chance, or bitterness and remorse for time that now seems wasted.
The longer and more intense the relationship, the more battle scars and wounds exist. If it was a soulmate or twin flame connection, the aftermath can be gutting. The relationship has ended and the connection has been severed in this life. This time can be acutely painful. You know that you gave it everything. You hung in there for years, or you went to heroic lengths to ensure the survival of the relationship, but you fell short.
I am frequently asked, “Is it really over?” Of course, the answer depends on the particular circumstances and this is where a reading with a trusted psychic advisor can be very helpful. It can bring clarity, comfort and assurances about choices and decisions made along the way.
Emotional Self-Care Through Daily Spiritual Practice
For those that are highly sensitive, including psychics, mediums, healers and empaths, awareness and self-care are critical to our overall well-being. If you are an individual that fits into this group and you are not doing daily maintenance on your emotional well-being and spiritual body, then you are leaving the gate wide open for an attack that can not only impact your emotions, but also your mental and physical health. This maintenance is achieved primarily through a daily spiritual practice.
Spiritual practice can be anything from prayer to meditation and is defined as the regular performance of actions and activities for the purpose of inducing spiritual experiences and cultivating spiritual development. Simply put, spirituality is the way you choose to find meaning, hope and inner peace in your life.
If you already adhere to a specific faith, tradition or religion, wonderful, but be certain that you are taking time each day to actively engage with your beliefs. Why is this important? Research has shown that those that engage in a regular spiritual practice live longer, and are healthier mentally and physically.
Mirror-Touch Synesthesia (MTS)
Science is catching up with the empath, literally. Recently I came across a fascinating book titles Mirror Touch by Dr. Joel Salinas, a Harvard trained researcher and neurologist at Massachusetts General. It explores the phenomenon of Mirror-touch synesthesia (MTS) – a rare neurological trait that causes someone to feel the emotional and physical experiences of other people.
The word synesthesia means joined perception, or to blend the five senses. Science recognizes over 80 types of synesthesia.
Because of Dr. Salinas and other brave professionals, science is sitting up and taking notice and actually exploring the brain and how it functions in individuals with these traits. Dr. Salinas uses his ability of feeling the emotional and physical pain of his patients to treat their symptoms, as if they were his own. The experience for him and others like him is challenging and draining.