spiritual awakening
Empowering Life Lessons From My Abusive Father
My father Jim had to grow up quickly in the tough pre-war years. He was the eldest of six children and he did not have an easy childhood, nor tolerant parents.
But life became even more challenging for Jim as he reached adulthood. My parents were married at the age of 21 and had three kids by 23, and another baby at 34.
Jim faced many challenges. As a result, to vent his frustration and process all the stress, he often took it out on those closest to him, namely his wife and children.
Let’s just say my father was not always the ideal husband and parent. It became so bad by the time I was an adult that he would do whatever he could to disrupt my life and my family in any way that you might imagine. The sad part was that he actually wanted to hurt us, as doing so gave him a bizarre sense of satisfaction and control over those closest to him.
I first became fully aware of my father’s desire to disempower his kids when I was about 22 years old. The year was 1982, and jobs were very hard to come by in the United Kingdom in those days. I had an office job but wanted something better. So, I decided to attend school for a year to learn shorthand and typing at the local technical college.
One day, I asked my dad if I could get a ride with him to college, because I had to sit an important exam at 2pm that day. He said I need not worry, as he would drop me off in plenty of time. But then he proceeded to make every excuse not to leave the house!
By quarter to two, I started to panic, as I could not possibly walk or catch a bus from my house to the college with so little time. At ten minutes to two, he finally agreed to take me to sit the exam, but then when we got in the car, he said he needed to go to the garage for gas. I looked at the fuel gauge and saw the car’s tank was full.
I suddenly realized he did not want me to sit the exam, as he did not want me to pass it and better myself and become more independent. Thankfully, his sabotage attempt failed, as I did pass the exam and went on to get a higher paying job.
It’s Always Darkest Before The Dawn
Concepts of the Divine, with an ever-changing definition, have been part of the human experience since the beginning of time. Most of the world’s people throughout history continue to recognize a place for divinity in life.
Our spiritual journey, throughout the ages, has been steeped in mystery and often, superstition and dogma. Organized religions have historically attempted to answer deep questions, and have sometimes provided comfort and solace to people during times of upheaval.
However, the most important questions have been left unanswered. For example, we know precious little about ancient, prehistoric cultures that worshiped the Sacred Feminine. Earliest recorded myths and legends have been lost or destroyed, and most stories that remain portray not only a divine battle of the sexes, but a difficult, contentious relationship between the divine and human beings.
The Greek gods, for example, were capricious and mean-spirited. They plotted all sorts of obstacles that humans either did, or did not overcome in order to survive. Guile and trickery also set the stage for many myths from various indigenous cultures, in early human-god myth making.
With the rise of monotheistic religions, mankind was taught to blindly accept whatever lot the almighty doled out, fairly or unfairly. Emphasis was placed on omnipotent power, absolute authority and greatness, beyond any human capacity to comprehend, much less participate in.
These attitudes toward humans’ relationship with God have been echoed in authoritarian family and community practices, and even the military forces of nations. God became the ‘Almighty Father in the Sky’ issuing strict orders. There was no room for questioning in an authoritarian family or society. “Because I said so,” was reason enough to blindly obey. Punishment for infractions or disobedience was swift and sure.
Visualizing Your Soul’s Path
If you are currently struggling with feelings of emptiness, loneliness, boredom or a lack of meaning and purpose in your life, it may be that you are not connected to your soul purpose.
We are so much more than just our careers, business pursuits, relationships, family, or home. We are spiritual beings in human form, each with a unique soul path and personal destiny.
To become more aware of our innate spiritual purpose we must pay attention to our inner voice and listen carefully to our heart’s desire. We must find what truly resonates with our soul.
A fun visualization exercise I recommend to anyone looking for clues to their true soul’s path is to imagine the ideal color of your home’s front door.
Imagine coming home on any average day. Were you driving home in a car that needs to be parked in the driveway? Or maybe you took the bus, or were you walking or biking? Visualize the details your arrival.
Next, see yourself coming up your walkway or entrance facing the front door of your abode. Now, instead of its current actual color, imagine the ideal new color for your door. What color do you see? The color your spontaneously imagined reflects the interest of your soul.
For example, if you imagine your door to be painted red it may indicate that you operate with a lot of passion and excitement. A light shade of blue may be reflective of freedom of expression, or you are a soul who thinks, feels, and operates outside the box. A darker navy tone might indicate a more serious nature and a strong sense of commitment to the community. My preferred door color is a bright yellow, which is a sign of my interest in the intuitive and metaphysical realm.
Saved By An Angel
Many years ago, I had a series of past life regression sessions with a gentleman whom I considered a mentor. I enjoyed hearing his life story, and about his journey to becoming an excellent esoteric counsellor.
In one of our conversations, I was telling him about my experience of seeing angels when I was about nine years old. And then he said something that surprised me.
“You know, I met my guardian angel once, and he was absolutely charming!”
I had no reason not to believe him, as he was a very honest and open person. Being by nature very curious, I immediately wanted to know more about his mystical experience. I was fascinated, as it is a rarely discussed subject
He then told me about a particularly dark, difficult period he was going through in his late twenties. In this negative phase of his life, he was not yet embracing his gifts as a psychic and esoteric counsellor.
He was rock bottom, feeling like a failure. He had resorted to various substances to dull the pain of his traumatic childhood, his sensitivity to other people´s negative energy, as well as “feeling like an absolute waste of space.”.
He had been avoiding emotional pain in any way he could through self-medicating, overwork, and basically trying to fit in with everyone else, whether they were friends, family, or colleagues. But it wasn´t working for him anymore.
Strange Happenings In Other Dimensions
I can vividly recall various unusual experiences during my childhood, including leaving my body several times and then being pulled back with a dramatic jolt. The return to my body would be so jarring that it would always wake me up.
There appears to be a variety of explanations for this odd occurrence, with the main one being that it is a purely psychological sleep phenomenon related to unusual stress and trauma. But while I do not necessarily dispute this possibility, I am not readily convinced this may be the explanation in my case.
The reason I question this theory is this experience has been happening to me again lately, with a steady regularity, but with some subtle differences.
My favorite version is when I am conscious of it happening, to the extent that I am even seeing myself re-entering my body. I am also no longer ‘slamming back’ as I used to before, but rather gently easing back into my physical form…like a baseball sliding into home base. I even recall smiling because it seemed so deliciously absurd.
The next aspect that has caused me to really think again about this recurring experience, is that I can clearly see myself in two separate dimensions all at the same time. At first it took me a minute to realize what was happening, as I did not look exactly the same as my earthly self. I stared at my ‘other self’ for a few minutes, recognizing our similarities and feeling like I have met my other self before.
Well, let me tell you, I was flabbergasted and very pleased, once I realized this was indeed me, a doppelganger, one of my other selves, operating completely independently in an alternate universe. The most joyous part is that I do not have to explain myself to the myself!
Spiritual Awareness Belongs To Everyone
The other day, while eating breakfast with my family, my son teased me by calling me a ‘boomer.’ Annoyed, I looked up from my phone and asked him why he said that? Apparently, I was holding my phone ‘incorrectly’ and I had the nerve to gingerly scroll the menu with my pinky finger in the air!
“Mom, you are holding the phone like an old lady, squinting your eyes to see the screen, because you’re a boomer.”
“Well excuse me, Mr. Gen Z,” I replied, trying not to laugh. “You have it all wrong, as I happen to be a proud member of Generation X. I was not born during the time of the ‘baby boomers.’
This brought up a family discussion about younger generations acting as if they are so ‘woke,’ and automatically assuming their parents and grandparents are ignorant or behind the times. Meanwhile it seems most younger people are not necessarily as aware and informed as they’d like to believe they are.
I remember when I was young adult, thinking that my parents and grandparents were ‘square’ and did not possess all the wisdom they seemed to claim they had. So, to be fair, I displayed the same youthful arrogance or pomposity back then that my son did at the breakfast table.
While I was doing the breakfast dishes, the conversation got me thinking about humanity and how we have evolved as a species. When does change in behavior really occur and what is it that makes a person spiritually aware and truly wise? What is spiritual awakening and what does the term mean to most people?
Many spiritual seekers use the term ‘awakening’ loosely to refer to an inner epiphany or a change in personal consciousness that makes one ‘more special’ or ‘superior to others,’ but I don’t think true awakening is anything like that.