authenticity
Learning To Say Yes To Yourself
It is in the empath’s nature to say ‘yes’ to just about anything requested of them. It goes against our grain. For some of us, saying ‘no’ also brings on fears of rejection, abandonment or letting someone down when it may be important to support them. Rather than finding an excuse, or simply telling the truth, many of us give in and just go along. It just feels easier in the moment, and even validating or satisfying.
But when you end that phone call, or respond to another text, and you feel anxious and panicked, while you start going over all the other things that will have to fall to the wayside by saying yes, then you really are saying no to yourself. Self-care requires that we sometimes say no to others, in order to say yes to our own well-being and peace of mind. Consequently, the person that you said yes to won’t be getting the best of you. If you have said yes at your own expense, then what you bring to the table for that person is stress and anxiety. Your best self will not be fully present.
Saying yes, when you really want to say no, can also lead to resentment that you then attach to the person who asked for your assistance. Here the responsibility lies with ourselves. We teach people how to treat us and many times we don’t give others enough credit for understanding when we say no. Most people would rather hear. “No thanks, that time doesn’t work for me” or “I have other commitments,” instead of having to sense a half-hearted or less than enthusiastic yes.
Healthy Boundaries – The Best New Year’s Resolution!
The best New Year’s resolution many of us can work on in 2019 is to create healthy boundaries with the people in our lives. These boundaries don’t have to be all about just creating space or distance between you and a few toxic people and things in your life. It can also include keeping yourself from being exposed to negativity on social media, or avoiding those foods you are intolerant to. In 2019 I recommend we all take a moment to think about the things we do, say, consume, and the people we spend our time with. Whatever it may be that brings us down, or steals our energy, needs to go. And no more people-pleasing.
Dr Seuss says, “Those who matter don’t mind, and, those who mind, don’t matter.” Well, it’s true. Those people who have a problem with you, because your belief system is different from theirs, for example, are absolutely out of line! I have said it once and I will say it again: the world will be a very boring place if we all had the same ideas and way of thinking. Diversity is what keeps our world going. So it’s okay to be different. I am big on keeping it real and being authentic. I refuse to be a conformist.
Spiritual Power And Spiritual Practice
We are spiritual beings having a physical experience. This is important to remember when considering the nature of spiritual things. The root word for spirit is ‘breath.’ This means that every person that is breathing is equally spiritual.
Too often people think that there is a hierarchical system within spirituality; that some people are ‘more spiritual’ than others. This is simply not true. There may be individuals that have a more intentional spiritual practice, with more understanding, knowledge, or wisdom. However, this does not make them ‘more spiritual.’
The nature and purpose of spiritual practice is also something that can be misunderstood. Whether it be prayer, meditation, invocations, or other sacraments, these practices are not just to get what we want. It can be a byproduct of authentic spiritual seeking and practice, but in nearly every tradition, true spiritual power is often summed up with three principles: Love, Joy, and Peace.
All spiritual practices are intended to lead us to tap into these three qualities. In the Judeo-Christian tradition, Love, Joy, and Peace are the first of many “fruits of the spirit.” Authentic spiritual practice is meant to lead us to the experience of these three things.
For A Reason, A Season, Or A Lifetime?
I’m often asked in relationship psychic readings if a certain person is ‘The One.’ Is this the person whom my client is supposed to be with in this lifetime? This is such a common question and one that usually deserves a more elaborate answer for clarity.
People come in and out of our life for a myriad of reasons. Some of them are only there for a short period of time, while others remain for decades, or the rest of our life.
Have you ever felt like you keep meeting the same person over and over again, but in a different body? For example, a gentleman might call in for a reading about a woman who he’s been dating for a month. He wants to know why all of a sudden she has pulled away or is paying less attention to him, and then he goes on to say that he continues to meet this same kind of woman. They all seem very interested in him for a short time, and then all of a sudden they just disappear. Why does this keep happening to him? This is where the inquiry tends to come up of, “Will I ever meet the right woman?”
Stop Comparing Yourself To Others
I believe that my own tendency to compare myself with others began at a young age, when my mother would constantly compare me to my cousins. For example, she would talk affectionately about their lovely physical attributes, like their thick hair, high cheekbones or deep-set eyes. Their personalities were louder and more assertive than mine too.
I was an overweight kid, and the more withdrawn I became, the more I would eat. I felt that my overweight was seen by others as greed, but I now believe I was layering deep insecure feelings.
I now know too that I was not meant to be like my cousins. In hindsight, I thank my mother for the life lessons. Perhaps she helped me in learning about insecurity and experiencing an inferiority complex. Today, I have a much deeper understanding of how my clients feel, when they don’t feel good enough. Or, as is often the case, when they are concerned about their children not feeling good enough for whatever reason. This is not always due to faulty parenting. Parents often suffer terribly when they see their kids, whatever their ages, suffer from lack of self-esteem. They see their kids as having every reason to be super-confident, yet witness them withdrawn and unhappy.
The True Purpose Of Life
It is often said that the purpose of our existence is love. This is in part true, we are constantly evolving into a greater understanding of love. But this is really only half of the answer. The purpose of life is also the experience. The point of it all is to have interactions.
Yes, it is true that each of us has incarnated with a specific purpose for being here. Ultimately the purpose of life is to recognize our most authentic expression of what it means to be us, and then cultivate the freedom to express that authentic self. Love most certainly facilitates this process, but you could say a better explanation of the meaning of life is the experience itself.
We all incarnated on this planet from perfect love, and will return to perfect love. Within the realm of spirit we are all one. In fact, we are all one at this very moment. However, in the time-space paradigm, it is easy to lose touch with this Oneness of Spirit.
Each soul living on this planet has an innate desire to cultivate unique creative expression. Whether that creative expression is writing, musical expressions, serving others, cultivating human ties, and so on. Most of us incarnated with the specific intent to accomplish multiple ‘purposes.’ And so we go through life having a multitude of different kinds of experiences. Continue reading
When Your Child Is Your Spiritual Coach
Coming from a family who never communicated their personal feelings, I learned a lot about the importance of communication between age groups in my early teens, when I was sent to live with a Dutch family with three children for several months.
I always admired their closeness, but it wasn’t until I actually moved in with them, that I realized just how far their caring and sharing went towards feeling part of such a close knit family. They prayed together too, and included me, always asking for healing for my mother who was having treatment at the time for her ‘nervous condition.’
In later years, as a recovering alcoholic in Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), I would often hear the expression, “A family that prays together, stays together.” I am sure this family has stayed close all these years, even though we have lost touch. Continue reading