parenting
Through The Looking Glass
We tend to not see ourselves accurately. We too often choose to focus on our shortcomings and weaknesses, such as we perceive them to be. And I believe we are all guilty of this. I have not in all my years met anyone who was truly satisfied with themselves – until it was sometimes too late.
I was just as guilty of this as anyone else. My childhood was one that I wouldn’t have wished on my worst enemy. I was abandoned by both parents when I was very young. I was raised by an aunt and uncle, who took pleasure in reminding me that my parents did not love me. My aunt also took every opportunity to beat the daylights out of me, while my uncle did nothing.
When I hit puberty, several older males in my ‘family’ began to stalk and harass me. I’d go into the kitchen and soon find myself backed up against a wall. Nobody believed me. Nobody did anything to stop it – not even when I was raped at 16 by a family friend’s son, who was deemed to be a “good boy” and “would never do anything like that.”
I could go on and on about all the horrible things that happened to me, but once I turned that momentous age of 16, and having had the experiences that I have had, I left my aunt and uncle’s home. I went to live with my boyfriend, his sister and their mom. When I left, my uncle dumped all my clothes on the front lawn.
Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired
I first learned of the HALT acronym when I joined Alcoholics Anonymous many years ago. In hindsight, had I applied its simple, yet powerful technique, I might have avoided several slips along the path to my sobriety. I also realize now that the HALT concept is an integral part of loving ourselves, and it thus assists us more on our spiritual path to greater serenity.
HALT is an acronym for:
H – Never get too Hungry
A – Never get too Angry
L – Never get too Lonely
T – Never get too Tired
During one of my heavy drinking episodes, many years ago, I was working a job which required me to be away from home constantly. I was working extensive and erratic hours with a team of co-workers who were all heavy drinkers.
At this time I was subject to everything in the HALT scenario. I was often hungry, because we were pretty much on call to travel anywhere in the world at a moment’s notice. I never knew when I would next be able to eat. In hindsight, I guess I could have been better prepared with personal emergency provisions, but we were always promised that the next trip wouldn’t be so grueling.
I was also constantly angry at the company for exploiting me. The amount of erratic and long hours we slaved was not what we had signed up for.
Creating Space Between Yourself And The Addict
Everybody needs a little time away. Some of us need much longer. I personally know people who have been together for decades, who have found the best way for them to stay together is to give each other some space.
But some of us need even more space than others, especially those of us who are with people who struggle with substance abuse in some way, shape or form. Spirit says that you can still love someone with addiction issues, but you might need some space and time away for your own well-being. I feel strongly that it is unhealthy to stay with someone if they have an addiction, because it does not contribute to peace in the body, mind, spirit, or the home in which you dwell.
Those that have to live with someone who abuses alcohol or drugs, know how hard it can be to have a meaningful conversation or healthy relationship with that person. The energy is always of a lower vibration. And children caught up in those situations have to feel it more than the adults, who may have learned to put up a shield of protection.
We must create a space between us and the addict, in order to keep peace and harmony in the home, for ourselves and those we love and care about. Keeping a peaceful home is a responsibility not only to ourselves, but to those who we are responsible for.
The Presence Of Playfulness In Your Life
Consider the level of playfulness in your life. Do you allow yourself to have fun, and play? Are you so wrapped up in your past, other’s lives, work, or something else, that is blocking you from having fun, living more fully, and being playful in your life? Do you enjoy being entertained, or do you feel it’s a waste of time or frivolous?
Dig deep on this. The answers to these questions are what defines where your life is going at the moment. Yes, it is a challenge to dig deep. However, it is so essential in this day and age.
Have you become bitter, are you just walking through life, or do you still have that child-like energy to play, live out loud, entertain others, and be entertained yourself.
There are also deeper aspects to the presence of playfulness in our life. Has play disappeared because you are now in over your head and can see no way to move beyond where you are? Are you stuck or trapped in your life? Are you a person of great insight, wisdom and understanding, yet you are not filling your life with enough entertainment, fun and play?
What is your true opinion of yourself? Do you show one face to the world and another to yourself? Do you present who you truly are or become what you think the person in front of you wants you to be?
The Spiritual Counselor’s Vision
Many years ago, I encountered a vision of a smiling toddler. The child’s joy was overwhelming. As I hung out in a rim state of consciousness to see more, the image faded as quickly as it came. Several years following this glimpse, I found myself staring into a photograph of my best friend’s two year old daughter. I realized at that very moment that the vision I previously experienced was a foreshadowing of my closest friend’s daughter, who is now an adult.
Throughout her childhood, I continued to receive spirit messages about her well-being. As each one emerged, I shared details with her parents. One message in particular came to me during meditation. I envisioned her standing on the grounds of what appeared to be a prominent university. While I could not make out the name of the school, I could see old stone buildings that were situated atop a beautifully landscaped hill.
She was smiling in the vision, as she proudly stood with her backpack in place between her shoulders. I interpreted this vision to mean that she would someday attend a great university and that any anxiety her parents held with regard to her future would soon dissipate in the blessing of a perfect match between student and university.
Traits Of Your Leo Child
A child born between July 23rd and August 22nd is a Leo. Leos are the sign of the actor. Yes, they are very dramatic! They can make you laugh with their animated expressions and dramatic response to your every word.
But Leo children also have tempers. They can be very explosive, crying, even screaming, when they don’t get what they want. Fortunately, they can then turn around in a second and begin laughing and playing again. They tend to get over things quickly. Leo children are generally happy. They smile all of the time, except for when they are having those explosive tantrums.
Leo kids are very physical and athletic. They are often found outside climbing trees, playing ball, or running around. Leos are also one of the hardest signs to get to sleep. They are fire balls of energy and they are so excited about life, they don’t want to sleep and miss out on any fun. Keeping them in sports and performing arts will help them burn off their tremendous amount of excess energy and stay focused in school.
Stop Comparing Yourself To Others
I believe that my own tendency to compare myself with others began at a young age, when my mother would constantly compare me to my cousins. For example, she would talk affectionately about their lovely physical attributes, like their thick hair, high cheekbones or deep-set eyes. Their personalities were louder and more assertive than mine too.
I was an overweight kid, and the more withdrawn I became, the more I would eat. I felt that my overweight was seen by others as greed, but I now believe I was layering deep insecure feelings.
I now know too that I was not meant to be like my cousins. In hindsight, I thank my mother for the life lessons. Perhaps she helped me in learning about insecurity and experiencing an inferiority complex. Today, I have a much deeper understanding of how my clients feel, when they don’t feel good enough. Or, as is often the case, when they are concerned about their children not feeling good enough for whatever reason. This is not always due to faulty parenting. Parents often suffer terribly when they see their kids, whatever their ages, suffer from lack of self-esteem. They see their kids as having every reason to be super-confident, yet witness them withdrawn and unhappy.