Daily Archives: December 14, 2023
The Law Of Reverse Effect
I remember talking to a very distraught client a few years ago about a man with whom she had been having a secret affair for 24 years. It was a relationship she was very obsessed with and had stubbornly pursued for over two decades, despite many red flags and a great deal of frustration and disappointment along the way.
When this man finally got up the courage to divorce his wife, he left not only his wife, but also his mistress. Within three months, he was in a relationship with someone new and told my client that he never really felt that way about her anyway.
She wanted to know how this could be? She expected with 100% certainty that he would be with her and no one else after the divorce, but the exact opposite happened. After all, she had put a lot of time, effort, energy, love, and devotion into this secret relationship, not to mention all the stress, frustration and drama she had to endure for over two decades.
At the time, this tragic story made me think about some of the free will choices I have made in my own life. There have been times when I, too, have stubbornly expected things to turn out a certain way for me because I pursued it with vigor, only to be devastated when it did not. For example, many years ago, a guy I had a huge crush on and thought was really into me ended up hitting on my best friend while we were out on a date! I guess the moral of the story is to never pursue someone who is not really that into you.