Resentment And The Empath

Do you have a tendency to re-experience past injustices — real or perceived – while holding on to those old feelings of anger connected to them? If so, it means you are harboring some form of resentment. Empaths are especially prone to resentment, simply because we tap into emotions, past, present, and future, much more than most people.

Resentment forms when we become angry towards a person or situation, and then hold onto that anger. Some people harbor their resentments for many years, refusing to let go of it. Over time, whatever caused the original anger and initially led to the resentment, may be forgotten, but the resentment remains. It is like a still-smoldering ember left after the flames of a fire have subsided. The fire no longer rages, but the ember remains smoldering, and all it takes is a spark to set that fire raging again.

For the empath this rekindled ‘fire’ may be triggered every time they enter a new relationship. No harm has been done, yet, but the empath may be so on guard, and overly vigilant to any slight that resembles their past hurt, that it easily sets off another destructive blaze. They expect the worst and try to protect themselves against it, but in the process the thing they fear the most may re-emerge from the past, unhealed resentment.

For many empaths, lack of boundaries also lead to dashed expectations, typically followed by resentment. As an empath, you feel the heart of the person, and know that there is love. Once connected into the, “I know they love me,” their bad behavior can be overlooked.

Resentment is the one great enemy of good and right relationships. It’ll destroy friendships and turn friends into enemies. But the most damaging effect of resentment is the total destruction of the person who’s willing to hold on to it ~ George A. Hafley

Yes, it is important to know whether their feelings are sincere, but feelings alone do not ensure the success of a relationship.  As an empath, one may very well be more aware of their feelings than they are themselves. But the way we treat someone, and the way we are treated, the consistency of that behavior, is what ultimately defines the relationship. If we expect that others should, or must act the way we want them to, then we only set ourselves up to experience hurt, anger and resentment.

To find forgiveness, while endeavoring to heal anger, you must evaluate whom you’re dealing with – the good and the bad. Often, people are just doing the best they can, which may not amount to a hill of beans where you’re concerned, but it does represent the truth of the situation. Accepting that truth of someone’s limitations will help you to forgive. No one is perfect, we all have wounds from past relationships, childhood, or friendships.

It is extremely rare that anyone enters into a relationship, or friendship, with the malicious intent of inflicting pain. Their pain, their resentments and fears, will most likely surface, and could result in behaviors that damage, or even end the new relationship. Our emotional baggage tends to travel with us.

There is a saying that when you resent somebody, you become their slave. Resentment creates bondage that can last for years, or even a lifetime, and create chaos in every area of your life. It is important to take the time to notice the areas in our lives where resentment is surfacing and take account of the damage being done to ourselves, and others.

Resentment is a mental resistance to, a non-acceptance of, something which has already happened … an emotional rehashing, or re-fighting of some event in the past. You cannot win, because you are attempting to do the impossible–change the past ~ Maxwell Maltz

As an empath, take time to notice what resentments are still being triggered for you. Trace the resentment back to its origins, family, friend, partner. Many resentments are born in childhood. Acknowledge that it happened in the past, and it does not belong in your present or future.

Remember that resentment does not protect you. Create boundaries, not only for others, but also for yourself. Being an empath does not give you license to overly extend into the feelings and emotions of another. Have compassion for your unhealed pain and the unhealed pain of another.

Be clear with yourself and others about your expectations. And practice forgiveness. If forgiveness means releasing someone, then do so with grace, not vengeance, and don’t allow the seed of resentment to grow. Ultimately, resentment harms the one who harbors it the most.