To Hate Or Not To Hate, That Is The Question

When I was in middle school, around the age of 13 or so, I remember an older, more popular girl used to pick on me. I also remember coming home from school and telling my mother about it.

One day I told my mother that I hated that girl. My mother very sternly said, “You don’t hate anyone!” I defiantly replied, “Oh yes, I do!” My mother then graciously said, “If you are going to hate her, do it somewhere else. I don’t want to hear about it.” She never explained to me why she didn’t feel it was appropriate to hate anyone. I didn’t figure it out until I matured a little bit, when I grew older.

My daughter is now a teenager and comes home from school with similar complaints. A girl at school is spreading untrue rumors about her. My daughter also told me how she hated this girl. I replied the same way my mother did. Except, I explained that hate only breeds more hate. To hate someone or something only hurts you, no one else.

Hating people is like burning down your own house to get rid of a rat ~ Henry Emerson Fosdick

My daughter hating this person she feels wronged her will only cause her to hurt herself more with negative emotion, every time she thinks about this person. Every time she tells a friend or family member about this girl, she will be refueling her own negative fire. Thus, she will only end up hurting herself more.

The other girl does not feel every occasion my daughter is upset, or reliving the hurtful situation that occurred. In reality, my daughter is punishing herself every time she thinks about how this person wronged her. This is what we all tend to do, when we find ourselves in similar or hurtful situations.

We are in control of our own emotions. No one can ‘make’ us angry. We are in control of how we feel. No one has the power to make you feel anyway if you don’t let them. I hear my children often say things like, “Well, they made me mad”. I always reply with “No, you chose to get angry”. They didn’t make you do anything!

I will permit no man to narrow and degrade my soul by making me hate him ~ Booker T. Washington

We all need to accept responsibility for our own emotions. And, realize that true forgiveness is the only way to emotional freedom.

Also, realize that all the hate and anger we harbor inside ourselves affects our well-being. Bottled up hate and resentment brings about all kinds of illness and disease. Our physical health is a direct result of our emotional health. Push anger and resentment aside, out of your life. And, I promise you will live a happier and healthier life.