Feeling Like You’re Not Good Enough

Sometimes we put our heart and soul into a relationship, only to get cheated on, or dumped for no reason. The main question that usually comes to mind in this type of situation is, “Why am I not good enough?”

Take a moment and consider the relationships of relatives and friends, who have gone through similar a experience. Some people are able to jump right up and move forward, while others sit and wallow in self-doubt and self-loathing – sometimes for years.

Working with many people over the years, one of the biggest eye openers for me has been that it is typically the partner who is left behind, and then struggles to move forward, who compromised the most in the relationship. They usually gave, and gave, and gave, and didn’t receive much in return. Their needs always took a backseat in the relationship. They would sacrifice more and more, until there was nothing left for them to give, while their partner did not change and simply kept using and abusing them.

If you constantly compromise on what you really want from a relationship, the union will at some point simply disintegrate.  The other person is never going to magically become someone different. That person you hoped they would become, after you moved in, or after you gave a little more, or after you married them, or after you had a child with them…never shows up. What you see in someone from the start, is simply who they are.

Nothing in the universe can stop you from letting go and starting over ~ Guy Finley

People who move forward effectively from failed relationships, have learned that if a partner is lost from their life, it is always for a reason. They know that is to make space for someone better to come into their life. However, if you never change the way that you tend to compromise to please someone else, but never yourself, nothing will change. Relationship after relationship will fail.

If you are unhappy in your relationship, don’t start looking for someone to take your partner’s place. Move on first. Let the person go. Don’t hang on to negative energy. Move on, and cut the ties that bind you, before seeking out another.

People who start new relationships, while still caught up in another, often get to a point with the new person where one, or the other, will cheat again with someone else! Well, you cheated with the new person yourself, and they have also cheated with you. So, why would this behavior change just because you end up together? People may consider themselves exempt from this. But trust me, sometimes many years later, they are often in tears, when the pattern repeats.

When someone leaves, it’s because someone else is about to arrive ~ Paulo Coelho

Relationships are meant to be equal in terms of learning about the other person, loving the other person and, the big one,  respecting the other person at all times. Take the higher road. Do not compromise on your values, and the qualities you want from a partner. Do not cheat on one partner, before leaving them for another. Take some time between relationships for personal healing and self-reflection about what you truly want. Do not live to please another. Love yourself first. And when the right person comes in with that same self-respect, that is when you have found your long-lasting, forever person.