Asking ‘Why’ When A Loved One Is Lost

When you lose someone you love in a sudden, unexpected way, such as suicide, a car accident, murder, or domestic violence, it always seems so unfair and tragic. It is usually so difficult to understand why this had to happen?

The truth is that we will never truly know the ‘why’ of things. The biggest regret that I hear from so many bereaved people is that they never had a chance to say goodbye.

Someone passing due to old age or illness usually affords us the time to prepare for the loss and to say our goodbyes. Typically, you will haves some time with the person, to be kinder, to be compassionate and to let them know how much they are loved. A sudden passing robs us of all of this.

I am personally very aware of the emotions, feelings and experiences that come after a loved one’s life is lost so suddenly and unexpectedly. More than a decade ago, I lost my stepson to suicide. He was only 32 years old.  Within 2 days of this tragedy, a another local young man also took his life. He was only 22.

The widespread trauma of the pandemic over this past year has brought back many of these feelings for me. Many people I know, all men, have taken their own lives because they have lost their jobs, businesses or life partners. Some of these men were successful business owners, but the lockdowns triggered something inside of them that led them to think suicide was a better way, or the only way out.

I talk to an abuse counselor at least two to three times a month and we discuss the unavailability of abused women to get help, because the shelters that are there to protect them are usually full to capacity.  I personally know two women whose lives were tragically ended by an abusive partner or ex-partner who they just could not get away from. You read about these cases almost every day. It makes zero sense if you try to find the logic in it.

And accidents happen in the blink of an eye. Yesterday, it was two locals snowmobiling in our area, who hit each other head on. One passed instantly, the other suffered only minor injuries. The week before it was a tractor trailer hitting a car that pulled out in front of it. The truck driver is fine, but the car and passenger is no longer with us. Continue reading →