To Hate Is A Self-Destructive Choice

When I was in middle school, around the age of 13 or so, I remember an older, more popular girl used to constantly bully me. I also remember coming home from school and telling my mother about it. I told my mother that I hated that girl, but she very sternly said, “Oh no, you don’t hate anyone!”

I defiantly replied, “Oh yes, I do!”

My mother then patiently replied, “Okay, well if you are going to insist on hating her, please go and do it somewhere else, young lady. I do not want to hear about it anymore!”

She never explained to me why she felt it was inappropriate for me to hate anyone. I didn’t figure this out until much later in my life.

My own daughter is now also a teenager and she sometimes comes home from school with similar complaints. A girl at school has been spreading false rumors about her. Just like I did all those years ago, my daughter also told me how she hated this girl. And I replied the same way my mother did, except I also explained that hate only breeds more hate.

To hate someone or something only hurts you, no one else. My daughter hating this person she feels has wronged her, will only cause her to hurt herself more with negative emotion, every time she thinks about this person. Every time she tells a friend or family member about this girl, she will be refueling her own negative fire. Thus, she will only end up hurting herself more.

The other girl does not feel every occasion my daughter is upset, or reliving the hurtful situation that occurred. In reality, my daughter is punishing herself every time she thinks about how this person wronged her. This is what we all tend to do, when we find ourselves in similar or hurtful situations.

The hardest thing in life is to forgive. But hate is self-destructive. If you hate somebody you’re not hurting the person you hate, you’re hurting yourself. Forgiveness is healing ~ Louis Zamperini

We are in control of our own emotions. No one can ‘make’ us feel angry. How we choose to react and feel is our choice. No one has the power to make us feel any particular way unless we let them. I hear people often say things like, “Well, they made me mad”. I always reply with “No, you chose to get angry”. They didn’t make you do anything!

We all need to accept responsibility for our own emotions and realize that true forgiveness is the only way to emotional freedom. Resorting to a toxic feeling of hatred, anger or resentment is a self-destructive choice that will never resolve or heal anything. It only serves to steal your joy and destroy your inner peace.

Also, realize that all the hate and anger we harbor inside ourselves eventually affects our well-being. Bottled up hatred and resentment leads to mental illness and physical disease. Our physical health and mental health are a direct result of our emotional health. Put anger and resentment aside and banish hatred from your life. It will empower you to live a much happier and healthier life.