Our Deepest Wound Can Become Our Greatest Power

Mercury retrograde thankfully ends today! Astrologers predicted this retrograde would allow us the freedom to purify our lives by releasing people, circumstances, and behaviors that are holding us back or no longer serve us. It certainly kicked up a lot of old wounds and baggage for many of my clients, and also for myself.

This was probably due to a number of reasons, including Uranus and Venus both being retrograde at the same time, and the combination of Mercury retrograde occurring along with a Full Moon in Cancer on January 17th.  Many people I did readings for during this astrological period were all dealing with painful memories, unhealed traumas, and intense emotions.

At one point I decided to take a break myself, to create some space and allow my own unresolved emotion to surface. Every time I found becoming unnecessarily defensive, or attempting to place blame on others, I immediately pivoted my attention back to myself and ventured within – to where the origination of this pain truly stemmed from.

I especially found my thoughts were constantly going to my parents and particularly to my mother.  My maternal grandmother passed away when my mom was only 13 years old. This has been a recurring theme throughout my life, with me wondering if this had anything to do with my mom always being so hard on me? I, fact, it became the official ‘excuse’ for our difficult relationship.

My recent retrograde self-exploration made me realize that no matter how hard my brain might try to rationalize this old pain, my body still would not accept it. For the first time in all these years, I finally allowed myself to go inside this wound, to examine my inner truth.  I had a conversation with this old wound and allowed it to speak to me directly.

Healing doesn’t mean the damage never existed. It means the damage no longer controls our life ~ Akshay Dubey

Analyzing this inner dialogue, I realized that if I kept returning to myself and took personal responsibility for how I choose to react to another person’s behavior ( in this case, my mother), I can get to the core of my inner truth and stop rejecting what was happening from the outer world.

The victim mentality and self-pity narrative I had created with regards my mother suddenly began to fade, because I now understood that no one can control my emotions other than me.  Sure, a parental figure and how they choose to raise us is always life-defining, and abuse and childhood trauma is a very real thing.  But I now also grasp that, today, in this moment, and every day going forward, I have the power to decide how to thing, feel and react to the world around me.

Our wounds control us when we are unwilling to confront them and open ourselves up to our inner pain and truth. There are lies found within our wounds. In exposing ourselves to our hurt, we connect with our authentic self and the truth of our inner being.

And then one day you find yourself alone on a bench in the sun and you close your eyes and lean your head back and you realize you’re okay ~ Cheryl Strayed

Tears are purifying. Crying is cleansing and can leave us with a much clearer, more sober perspective, just like fresh air after a decent rainstorm. Society has a tendency, especially since the advent of social media, to steer us away from our grief, heartbreak, and negative emotion.  But these inner truths hold the key to our greatest power, joy and happiness, if we are willing to peel through them and dive to the core of our inner being.

Next time you are struck with an unwanted emotion, try digging to the root of it. The greatest joy and liberation could be hidden within.