Sometimes It’s Okay To Keep Your Distance!

Many of us have that one relative we do get along with. In every family there is a ‘Cousin John’ or an ‘Aunt Lydia’ who we simply cannot stand. Try as we might, we just cannot find it in our hearts to love them unconditionally.

In my case it is an uncle who’s views and opinions I just cannot tolerate. I despise all forms of racism, misogyny, and bigotry, and I am also an avid supporter of the LGBTQ community. I have no patience with people who criticize or belittle others for who they were born to be. It is unacceptable and despicable.

For many years now I have been consciously practicing healthy boundaries with relatives and people in general. I preach it! Healthy boundaries are vital for one’s mental health, personal growth and emotional well-being.

My Grandmother and I got along so well when she was in this life. We were like two peas in a pod. When she eventually came to live with us later in her life, there was however one issue that caused tension between us – her son.

My uncle was so out of line, in so many ways that I just could not tolerate having him anywhere near me. He is an extremely hateful man who has no qualms about freely spewing his vitriolic prejudice, verbal abuse and bigoted views in front of anyone who cares to listen, including the children in the family.

My grandmother stubbornly remained loyal to her son through it all, and she could now understand why I could not accept him. She said that it was such a shame that we could not all get along, while I felt it as a shame that he is so hateful. She would make excuses for him, saying for example that he was bullied in school. But I felt he should work on himself, instead of hating on other folks for no reason. She could not see my perspective from her way of thinking.

Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves even when we risk disappointing others ~ Brené Brown

Since she passed, we have had many ‘conversations.’ She has come to me in the dream state many times and I have also channeled her energy from the other side. She has validated repeatedly that she can now see why I did not want to subject myself to his negativity and hatred.

She says that she now understands that his heart is not in a good place and that he is very deeply wounded mentally, and that he would benefit much from talking to someone to get rid of that hate in his heart. But she also asked me to forgive him for my own karmic well-being.

If you are in a similar situation with a friend or relative, please know that you are not alone and you do not have to put up with it. If there is someone in your family who is very hateful, and says and or does things that are not acceptable, you absolutely have the right to not share space with that person. It is spiritually acceptable to keep a healthy distance.

Grandma told me after she passed that that was okay for me to not want to be around my uncle, because he was not in a place that I could help him anyway. His jaded heart is fixated on hatred and judgment.

Boundaries define us. They define what is me and what is not me. A boundary shows me where I end and someone else begins, leading me to a sense of ownership ~  Henry Cloud

Sometimes people just don’t want to see reason, embrace change, or seek help. This is when we need to step back. I do wish Grandma could have seen this more clearly and been more understanding while she was in this life, but as they say, later is better than never. She finally came around once she transitioned into the spirit realm and reached out to me to reassure me that it was okay for me to protect myself.

So, please know it is okay. You don’t have to be around people who are stuck in hate or judgment. You are good to walk away and be thankful that there are many kind, loving, generous, open-minded people in the world, who are not like that. God is love, and love is love, is love. Period.