Our Choices Are Ours To Make

The past few years have been challenging for everyone. The pandemic, political upheaval, and economic uncertainty have affected lives all over the world.

I have personally witnessed the pain and struggles of many people close to me, as well as my clients.

I even had to take a ‘mental vacation’ at times as I began to feel disoriented and somewhat confused by the messages the angels were giving me.

I asked the why’s with no clear answers. I’ve asked the how’s without sensible explanations. As a lightworker I tend to feel compelled to fix things, to make things better.

Then one day I had a breakthrough when spirit told me clearly that it is not my job to fix everything and everyone.

Spirit has led me to understand that my job is to spread love, light and healing to the best of my ability. How people choose to think, feel and act in response to their life challenges is not for me or anyone else to try to control. Everyone’s choices are theirs to make as they see fit, and with much choice comes much responsibility.

As heartbreaking and frustrating as it may be at times, it is not my place to interfere with other people’s karmic journey and soul plan. This newfound insight was jarringly confirmed by a traumatic event just a few weeks ago.

My neighbor of 15 years had just turned 60, and was the kind of person who would give you the shirt off her back. She had a heart of gold, even though she was strapped for cash and has had a very hard life the last few years.

All men and women are born, live, suffer and die; what distinguishes us one from another is our dreams, whether they be dreams about worldly or unworldly things, and what we do to make them come about ~ Joseph Epstein

She lost her job a few years ago when her employer went out of business during the pandemic. Her mother had since passed away, and to make matters more difficult, she was also taking care of a sick friend.

We visited her often to see how we could help out. We also took care of her garden in the summer and shoveled the snow in her driveway in the winter so she could get in and out.

One day we noticed that her car was gone. We wondered if it had finally broken down somewhere because it was always giving her trouble. We later found out that she had no insurance, no driver’s license, and no license plate stickers. Apparently, she had been stopped by the police and her car had been impounded pending a future court date.

Meanwhile, she continued to tell her family and friends that she was doing perfectly fine. Even her son had no idea what was really going on in her life. She didn’t share her troubles with him or anyone else, not even her best friend, whom she cared for.

One morning, a friend asked her son and his girlfriend to check on her because no one had heard from her in a few days. They found her on the floor, deceased. The police showed up, along with paramedics and the fire department, but nothing could be done. She had been gone too long. Somehow she had gotten hold of a gun and ended her own life.

The police came by to ask if we had heard any gunshots. When I heard the news, I felt my heart sink into the depths of my soul. I was overwhelmed with grief and guilt. What could I have done to prevent this? I kept thinking that I could have saved her. Maybe I could have given her some hope that life would get better.

The future is an infinite succession of presents, and to live now as we think human beings should live, in defiance of all that is bad around us, is itself a marvelous victory ~ Howard Zinn

I felt even worse when I suddenly remembered that the night before, I had a dream about her. It was about her needing help, but at the same time being at peace.

Since then, I have had a hard time to come to terms with the realization that it was not my place or anyone else’s to save her or to feel that we were somehow responsible. This was her life’s journey, her choices to make.

We all face our own life challenges and must make our own life choices. Spirit says that we must live each day with faith, hope, and courage, no matter how bad things may be at times, trusting that there is always light at the end of the tunnel. That is the nature of our karmic journey in this lifetime – both the good and the bad. No one’s life in this world is meant to be always easy and simple. That is not why we chose to be here.

And on our worst days, there is always someone we can talk to should we choose to, and God, Source, Spirit, the Divine is always with us to guide, support and comfort us.

Even after the darkest nights, the sun will always rise.