Being An Empath Is No Excuse

There’s nothing wrong with identifying as an empath. Actually, it can be beneficial to step into this truth for oneself, and own your empathic experiences as a significant aspect of your life.
But for many people it is difficult to take on this ‘label,’ because they don’t feel worthy or they feel they are saying, “I’m more special than other people.” In these cases, there is great benefit in coming to terms with being an empath because it doesn’t have to mean either of those things.

Being an empath is not something they have to be worthy of – it’s a trait they either have or don’t have. And it’s not a matter of being better or ‘more special’ than anyone else – that notion comes from a fear of being judged.

Being an empath means being highly sensitive to emotional energies, and feeling those emotions in your own body as if they were your own. The term ‘empath’ is just a word we can use to describe this trait.

There is some scientific evidence for the empath experience. Studies* show we all have a very specific group of cells in our brain responsible for empathy and compassion, called the Mirror Neuron System. In the brain of highly empathic people, it is thought this group of cells may be hyperactive or hypersensitive.

Being an empath is a wonderful blessing and gift, instead of it being a ‘curse,’ weakness or disability. However, it is important for the empath to become empowered and own their sensitivity.

In order to accomplish this, it is vital for the empath to avoid adopting a ‘victim mentality’ or constantly blaming everything negative that happened in their life on the fact that they are an empath.

Some empaths erroneously believe many of the struggles they encounter can’t be overcome. They assume that they will always be crippled in some way by their experience as an empath. This is false. They may have specific experiences and lessons because they’re an empath, but these are opportunities for growth. Some of the ways this manifests are:

The sad thing that many of us empaths don’t realize is that often our desire to heal others is a disguised cry for help for our own healing. Because many of us weren’t taught how to value or nurture ourselves at a young age, we tend to unconsciously seek out our own healing in the healing of others ~ Mateo Sol

ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIPS

Staying in abusive relationships because ‘no one else would understand that person’ or they may think they can ‘save’ the other person. So, as an empath, they decide they are the only one who can really help their partner. This is false, the only one who can really help us is ourselves. We can be supportive and help them help themselves, or guide them if they ask for their help. But no one can truly ‘save’ another person; they have to be willing to save themselves and put in the work to do so.

VICTIM MENTALITY

Feeling like everyone takes advantage of you, or doesn’t appreciate you, or doesn’t love as deeply as you love, or hurts you, and deciding this is because you are an empath. This is a common experience among empaths, but it is not because you’re an empath – we do not have to live with these feelings.

Where is the lesson in the challenges we face? This is what we must always ask, and we always have a role to play in any dynamic. For example, if we have many relationships where we are not valued, we may not be prioritizing the relationships that bring value into our life.

We may also need to learn to say no, as many empaths struggle with this. Saying no does not require an explanation. No is a complete answer. Essentially having strong, healthy boundaries and not negotiating those boundaries is often the antidote to these experiences.

EMOTIONAL REGULATION

This one is a big one. Empaths feel a lot, all the time. Not just our own emotion, but other peoples as well. Poor emotional regulation leads to other people feeling we are are too sensitive. I bet you’ve heard that one before!

We are not too sensitive, but we may not have great tools to regulate our emotions or process them. Part of the work of being an empath is learning how to handle the intensity and abundance of emotions we encounter.

It’s not fair to expect others to handle us with kid gloves all the time. Rather, it is highly empowering to discover the fortitude to identify, experience, and transmute our perception of emotional energies, so that it won’t impact our relationships and lives so negatively.

MENTAL HEALTH

Leaving mental health issues untreated because we decide it’s okay, because we are an empath. You can be an empath, and have depression or bipolar disorder, and so on. Being an empath does not automatically make us depressed or bipolar.

I see many people online claiming that they were diagnosed with a mental health issue, but then decided that’s it’s not true – they are actually just an empath. Being an empath and having a mental health issue are not the same thing. Yes, some people can have both experiences, or just one, but they are not the same.

If we struggle with mental health, there is nothing wrong with seeking support and getting the appropriate medical care. In fact, it’s highly advisable, especially for empaths!

TRAUMA HEALING

Many empaths experience trauma, especially early in life. However, I often see folks identifying these damaging experiences or childhood traumas as merely being a normal part of being an empath. But this is not true.

Unhealed trauma is toxic in any person’s life, whether they are an empath or not. Being an empath does not exempt us from the responsibility to confront our unhealed wounds and doing the shadow work we need to find healing.

Empaths can sometime be way too focused on other people’s feelings and experiences, or too focused on the way other people do, or don’t make them feel, rather than looking honestly at their own feelings, or why other’s trigger them the way they do. If someone’s behavior or emotions triggers us, we have to look at why. Is there trauma in our own past we have not dealt with?

Being an empath is not an excuse to stop growing, assume you know best, or fail to seek out your lessons in a situation. Being an empath is not an excuse to not work on oneself, or deal with your issues and triggers. In fact, it should be even more of a motivation to do so!

* SOURCES

Cells That Read Minds  |  What We Know Currently about Mirror Neurons