Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired

I first learned of the HALT acronym when I joined Alcoholics Anonymous many years ago. In hindsight, had I applied its simple, yet powerful technique, I might have avoided several slips along the path to my sobriety. I also realize now that the HALT concept is an integral part of loving ourselves, and it thus assists us more on our spiritual path to greater serenity.

HALT is an acronym for:

H – Never get too Hungry
A – Never get too Angry
L – Never get too Lonely
T – Never get too Tired

During one of my heavy drinking episodes, many years ago, I was working a job which required me to be away from home constantly. I was working extensive and erratic hours with a team of co-workers who were all heavy drinkers.

At this time I was subject to everything in the HALT scenario. I was often hungry, because we were pretty much on call to travel anywhere in the world at a moment’s notice. I never knew when I would next be able to eat. In hindsight, I guess I could have been better prepared with personal emergency provisions, but we were always promised that the next trip wouldn’t be so grueling.

I was also constantly angry at the company for exploiting me. The amount of erratic and long hours we slaved was not what we had signed up for.

Caring for your body, mind, and spirit is your greatest and grandest responsibility. It’s about listening to the needs of your soul and then honoring them ~ Kristi Ling

Furthermore, I was very lonely during this time of my life. I was unable to discuss my alcoholism with my co-workers, as I knew it would be frowned upon. So, I was the odd one out, with the nickname of “Miss Goody-Two-Shoes.” Little did they know! Besides, I had confided a couple of years prior to a co-worker, at another company, who was having drinking problems herself, with the intention of helping her, and taking her to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. Needless to say, this back-fired badly in the end. I was resolved never to repeat that mistake.

And, of course, I was beyond tired. I used to be so exhausted after the long shifts at work, that I was a danger to society when driving home in the early hours. The exhaustion was both physical and emotional. It felt like a ‘soul-tiredness,’ which eventually, for self-loving reasons, caused me to resign from that job.

Interestingly, the HALT principle has become useful in a general sense when talking to my clients about their relationships. With the pressures of their lives and responsibilities, some are irritable with their partners, children and families for the slightest thing. Then they feel the remorse and guilt which follows the conflicts and upset, after just about biting off a loved one’s head.

I advise clients that, before they react, they need to consider the HALT concept. Perhaps they are hungry, or their blood sugar is low, making them edgy. They may be angry about something completely different and subsequently dump their rage inappropriately onto a loved one. Or they might be feeling lonely; feeling they are carrying too much of the workload at home. We can be in a relationship which is actually lonely, because we don’t feel like we’re being heard or nurtured.

If you know you are tired, admit it and tell your loved one you are irritable, and that you just need some space to catch your breath. Using the HALT principle helps you to manage your basic coping needs and skills when all rational thought tends to go out of the window.

When we self-regulate well, we are better able to control the trajectory of our emotional lives and resulting actions based on our values and sense of purpose ~ Amy Leigh Mercree

In addition to picking up on our own stresses, children also show signs of needing some HALT therapy when tantrum-like behavior emerges, especially in the form of tiredness, irritability, or isolating and withdrawing behavior. To keep their little bodies functioning in a balanced way, which encourages growth, they are often hungry for nutritious foods, which they might not always be receiving. This can lead to them being somewhat malnourished, which in turn can lead to irritability and emotional outbursts. They also need to know they are loved and acknowledged as individuals, or loneliness will creep in.

When we, or our children, have achieved a better mind-body balance, irritability is often reduced, allowing for sharp focus and willpower to be restored. So, before an excessive shopping spree, or a drinking, drugging, or gambling binge, or any other strong impulse takes over, think HALT!

I have the HALT acronym posted in clear view in my office, as well as on the refrigerator in the kitchen, as a constant reminder to pay attention to nurturing my body and mind. All my animals sure know how to chill, so I should take a leaf out of their books. Mind you, more often than not, it is those very same animals I am stressing about!