Why Empaths Fall Victim To Narcissists

Why are narcissists and empaths often drawn to one another? This is a phenomena many of us empaths fall victim to. Which, at first, may seem odd, since empaths and narcissists are polar opposites! But, maybe that is the key? Opposites attract.

But, what’s more profound, is that the narcissist preys upon the empath’s dedication to healing those who are emotionally wounded or scarred. By nature empaths are deeply caring, compassionate people. The empath’s purpose in life is to support healing in others, yet due to their intense sensitivity, empaths often struggle to create healthy boundaries for themselves, giving in to martyrdom, victimhood, co-dependency, and chronic self-sacrifice.

An empath will do anything in their power to help or heal another. And, will not easily give up or walk away. This makes them prime targets for the narcissist.

There are different types of narcissists. But, for this article, I will discuss the most common. And, that is the Amorous Narcissist. They tend to measure their self-worth and grandiosity by how many sexual conquests they have conquered. This type of person is known for using their charm to ensnare others with attention, flattery and gifts. But, they dispose of their target once they become bored or when their needs have been served. The target typically won’t so much as get an explanation, much less a goodbye.

Amorous Narcissists are the ultimate relationship con artists, and heart-breakers. If you aren’t sure whether you’re dealing with a narcissist, look out for the warning signs. They believe love is control, power or strength over another, isolation from others, hostage-taking and being in charge. They insist on knowing where you are at all times, knowing what you’re doing.

If only they just listened more, if only they could give more. That is just not the case with a narcissist. It’s so hard for many empaths to believe that somebody just doesn’t have empathy, and that they can’t heal the other person with their love ~ Judith Orloff

They will only pay for things when it makes them look good, and withhold when they’ve been hurt. They like doing what they want to do, when they want to do it. They are always right, have the authority, and enjoy having other people do things for them they can do for themselves. They also love being the center of attention, with texts all day, flowers, phone calls all the time, sitting at the head of the table. They become quiet and withdrawn when the event or activity isn’t all about them. Sometimes they talk too softly, so people have to lean in to pay attention, or they talk too loud to attract attention.

They like to be admired, and sometimes indulge in constant crisis, being sick and being taken care of. They love complication, negative surprises, never letting go. They would not tell you something because they don’t think you need to know, or suddenly tell you the brutal truth to hurt you. They warp relayed conversations with others about you, so they look good.

They are passive-aggressive, or they harbor aggression under the guise of passion, giving you the silent treatment because they ‘need space.’ They withdraw without any explanation, telling you that sleeping in another room is still being or spending time together.

They engage in sarcasm and joking at your expense, or being ‘worried about you’ when you’re perfectly fine. They question your mental health, when you’re perfectly balanced. They replace your favorite activities with their own, pointing out where you’re over-reacting, being ungrateful, or over-sensitive. They prey on your insecurities and act like you need ‘saving’ or ‘fixing,’ because you’re ‘broken.’ They inform you about other people and the world, because you’re too sweet and naive and innocent, and you need preparing for the ‘real world.’ They educate you, because you clearly don’t know what you’re doing.

They are prone to jealousy, obsession, infatuation, possessiveness, as well as marriage, children and material stuff as a means to control and ownership. They are into guilt-tripping, preying on ideas of obligation, fear, sabotage, incessant complaining, incessant negativity, back-stabbing, betrayal, character assassination. Verbal abuse isn’t real, unless it’s coming at them – everyone’s looking for a fight except for them. They are constantly protecting themselves from imagined threats.

What the empath fails to realise is that the narcissist is a taker. An energy sucker—a vampire so to speak. They will draw the life and soul out of anyone they come into contact with, given the chance ~ Alex Myles

That nice thing they did a week or month ago should sustain others for a long time. Anything that is given will be quickly taken away when they are angry or leave. For them words are more important than actions. They can be guilty of stalking, false threats of suicide. Their belief is what’s yours is mine, and what’s mine is mine. There are no boundaries.

They demand you trust them, while they don’t trust you. Their pain is more important than others, seeing no wrong in themselves, except shallowly. They manipulate. No one should have an accurate memory. Others should adjust their feelings, thoughts, needs, desires, conversations to accommodate their needs, moods, desires, experience of themselves.

Don’t talk about that. Don’t talk to them. Don’t be like that. Don’t tell me that. Don’t feel like that. Don’t wear that. Don’t say that. Don’t do that. See me the way I want you to see me, not the way I am.

And, somehow, all of this is not immediately apparent. And, sometimes isn’t noticed until it is too late. For the empath, this behavior is not only toxic and destructive. It is soul-shattering.

One very important thing to remember as an empath is the more you perceive yourself as a ‘victim’ of narcissism, the less capable you’ll be of truly owning your personal power as an empath. It is also important to learn to discern not only these types of people but our own attraction to them.

Another thing to remember, sometimes what we think are ‘soulmates’ are simply life lessons.