The Importance Of Self-Trust

Of all the relationships in our life, none is more complicated or important than the one we have with self. And the cornerstone of this relationship is self-trust. Unfortunately, it is easy to damage the trust we place in ourselves. Why? Because all of us have or will make choices and decisions that don’t produce the desired outcome.

A relationship fails and we blame or question ourselves; a job opportunity eludes us; or a friendship fractures beyond repair.  We lose self-trust when we don’t achieve a goal, whatever that goal may be. Then we may begin to question our own abilities, our dreams, and our worthiness to have them manifest in our life.

Every time we replay an event we label a failure the doubt in our own judgment and our self-worth increases. Self-confidence stems from self-trust, so the cycle can be a vicious one.

So, how can we repair self-trust? First, decide to give yourself a break. You made what you believed to be the best decision or choice in the moment. If you are saying, “No, I didn’t, I know I should have done…,” then stop and choose to forgive yourself for not trusting your instincts in that moment. Holding a grudge against yourself only assures that the pattern will repeat.

Next, decide to honor your emotions. If you have made choices and decisions that you perceive as a failure, then the tendency is to begin to substitute the opinions of others over our own intuition, desires and dreams. This pattern can lead to co-dependency, confusion and fear. Self-trust is harnessed when we follow our sacred wisdom, instead of looking outside ourselves to provide inner peace.

We have all a better guide in ourselves, if we would attend to it, than any other person can be ~ Jane Austen

Realize that in spite of your best efforts and instincts others may disappoint you. They may leave the relationship, pass away, cheat or lie. When this happens, use this to help identify what area of yourself has been suppressed, ignored or denied. Learn, forgive, and move forward. Know that in the future you can trust yourself to avoid or distance yourself from this type of behavior or individual.

In her book, The Courage to Trust: A Guide to Building Deep and Lasting Relationships, Cynthia Wall writes, “The person you need to trust first is yourself. No one can be as consistently supportive of you as you can learn to be. Being kind to yourself increases self-confidence and lessens your need for approval. Loving and caring for yourself not only increases self-trust, it also deepens your connection with others.”

Self-trust means that you know that you can take care of your own needs and safety, regardless of what others say or do, or any situation you find yourself in, personally or professionally. Practice kindness with yourself, not perfection. Self-trust leads to self-respect and self-confidence.

Believe in yourself! Have faith in your abilities! Without a humble but reasonable confidence in your own powers you cannot be successful or happy ~ Norman Vincent Peale

Self-trust is an invitation to develop a relationship with your core self. We learn to become our own best friend and appreciate our thoughts and emotions, instead of remaining unconscious to them. When we do that, self-trust grows into self-respect and self-confidence.

It’s time to stop letting your past define your future. Trust yourself.