Free Yourself With The Power Of Forgiveness

How can we possibly reconcile the feelings of anger and betrayal with a need to forgive? Are we compromising our integrity in doing so?

Forgiveness can seem like an impossibility… but it doesn’t have to be. It’s really one of the few things in life that really matters, whether it means forgiving ourselves, or someone else. It is said that allowing someone to continuously upset you, is to allow them to ‘live rent-free inside your mind.’

Others hurt us all the time. Holding on to this hurt for long periods of time can damage us physically and psychologically. And then there are those ‘little things’… like someone cutting you off in traffic, or forgetting an important date.

One thing forgiveness does not do, is make us forget the source of the pain. What it does is allow a reconciliation with what happened, and allows us to move on in a productive way. When you were a child, perhaps you got hurt with a hot stove burner or electrical outlet. You didn’t (hopefully) spend the rest of your life being angry at stoves or electrical outlets! This is basically how forgiveness also works. We can acknowledge that someone or something caused us to hurt, and be aware of how that happened, but still move past it and get on with our lives.

Holding on to anger and bitterness will color all your relationships, until you learn to forgive and let go. If, for example, you ended a toxic relationship and decided to start dating again, you might not be able to fully trust, because of the possibility of reliving that pain. A truly intimate relationship will never happen without forgiveness.

Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it ~ Mark Twain

Simply put, forgiveness allows us to prune back uncomfortable feelings (hurt, betrayal, anger, bitterness) to allow the positivity to shine through. Some people refuse to forgive, because they think it means to compromise. Forgiveness does not always have to mean full reconciliation. If the person receiving forgiveness is out of the picture forever, you can still let go the feelings you have toward them. You are also not responsible for their actions, past, present, or future. You are simply clearing your conscience as you related to them.

If you’re having trouble learning to forgive, it helps to rehearse ahead of time. Think about what you would say in person if you could. Role-play with a trusted friend or loved one. Some people like to write down a list of hurts or grievances, then tear up, or burn the list.

The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naive forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget ~ Thomas Szasz

One thing to keep in mind on your journey of forgiveness is that it is not about seeking revenge, or ‘an eye for an eye.’ Ghandi wisely said, “An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind.” Instead, it is a careful unburdening of negative energies. If we carry around grudges, in the end, they will prevent us from moving forward with their combined weight.

Renowned spiritual author, Lewis B. Smedes, once said, “To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.” It is the most important thing we can do for ourselves, as well as others – those we have relationships with, as well as those in need of forgiveness. It is truly magical once you discover its power.