Does Your Life Own You?

Addressing our desires, needs, goals and actions is imperative as we go through life. Ideally this happens on a regular and consistent basis. Yet, life sometimes has the uncanny ability to delay our well-defined plans, or simply start it without us. It can also unexpectedly speed up our plans.

If you reflect on your current life status, are there aspects of it that make you cringe a little? Is your career, financial health, relationship, or family life in a space where you are just ‘getting by.’ Are you living month to month on your paycheck? Stuck in a stagnant relationship? Do you hate your job? Feeling overwhelmed?

If such feelings are prevalent, then it indicates that your life owns you, instead of you owning your life. Your life owns you when your everyday routine consists mostly of elements of necessity, not of desirous choice.

There is no doubt that modern society has burdened us with the pressures to succeed, to pay the bills, to live where we live. Navigating the meandering river of our material needs occupies much space in our mind. My brain hurts!

Lead a life of your own design, on your own terms. Not one that others or the environment have scripted for you ~ Tony Robbins

As we proceed down this river of success, we are constantly looking for rocks, floating objects, sand bars. We are being cognizant of keeping ourselves safe, while feeling pressured. The pressure then changes our emotions, our emotions trigger stress, and stress impacts our well-being… taking us further down that slippery slope.

We then become reactive, by beating ourselves up or becoming lethargic to opportunities. Life now owns us. Our bucket list, our dreams, our ‘mojo’ becomes diluted. We see no light at the end of the tunnel. Some do not even see the entrance to the tunnel. Life becomes a mundane routine: grabbing a snack , skipping meals, laundry piling up, picking up the kids from daycare.

So how do you steer your raft back to the shore? It starts with introspection and awareness. Introspection gives you insight by reviewing your current life. It requires the courage to be open to all aspects of yourself – the deliberate, the controlling, the adventurous. From this introspection comes the walking to the top of the mountain to watch the sunset.

As the sunset falls you become aware of choices in key areas of life – relationship, career, wellness. Which area do you wish to tackle first? Pick one. Focus on the jetty or river bank to get to a steady mooring point. You are now ready to begin the disciplined process of reviewing each area of focus.

“But it still sucks,” you may say, as you feel trapped in life. Your ego will begin to thwart you by questioning every thought, and every action, telling you how there is too much to overcome. The jetty is way too far.

Force yourself to dream of something sweet to nurture you in your area of focus. Focus turns into ideas, which in turn excites. Excitement triggers an emotion of positive action. Motivation begins to stir, like a whisk in a bowl of cake mix. The whisk rotors struggle in the thick batter, but with the addition of milk and eggs the batter softens. The whisk rotors are less strained and the batter blends into a nice smooth cake mix. Now we are becoming motivated. We have begun the foundation of cutting the cords of ‘life owning you.’ We have the basic cake mix batter, what other specific extra ingredients do wish to add.

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover ~ Mark Twain

Let’s take as example a stagnant, uninspiring job as a point of focus. Your job owns a big piece of your life, as it provides income for our family and material security. Maybe you have a large home, cars, vacations and luxury lifestyle as a result. Yet, your job is stagnant and seems to have no career path for further growth and promotion. Maybe it just lacks challenge. Or maybe it is highly stressful, and features a nasty supervisor or demanding boss. Being exposed to such an underwhelming, or overwhelming work environment, causes stress. And stress hormones will shut you down. Your perceptions becomes your body chemistry. And chemistry controls behavior and genetic expression. It will eventually take its toll.

How do you switch things around, so that you recognize this job’s influence in your life? Without guilt. Set the intention to wish to change your relationship with our job environment. Reflect honestly upon your level of job satisfaction, including peers, management, promotion path, and income. Are you wishing for a change in vocation? Where else might you choose to live and work? Is further education a possibility or desire? Is there the possibility of a reduced work week, or maybe a work-from-home capability?

For each question you answer, you should set a goal or starting time for specific tasks. This then puts you on the path of owning your life. Owning your life means to recognize that there are challenges, losses, and so on. Set a vision and take action. Take small steps to move you forward in each moment. Rank your areas of focus, and work in parallel to reclaim your life.