The Abused Often Becomes The Abuser

I am still not sure why I tend to attract challenging, and sometimes negative personalities into my private space. Am I truly enabling others to give me this lesson over and over again?

I know that having the very experience of these negative souls in my space enables me to identify with the customers I read for. Many of my clients find themselves either in a similar situation, or in a situation whereby they love someone who doesn’t reciprocate their kind or encouraging ways.

Not a day goes by that I will not come across instances where one of my callers is subject to abusive, manipulative or controlling behavior, be it from a spouse, child, neighbor, colleague, or friend.

Toxic people will pollute everything around them. Don’t hesitate. Fumigate ~ Mandy Hale

In my research to find ways to protect myself against the toxic energy of others, it was more often than not suggested that I first look at my own behavior to see if I had said or done something to cause the other  party’s harsh behavior and if so, to make amends. And, if I genuinely did not feel that I knew of anything that would have offended the other person, then it would simply be best to withdraw and cut ties where possible.

Sometimes however that toxic person in question plays a significant role in our lives and walking away isn’t appropriate for many reasons. This does not mean we have to be a doormat or martyr. Nor do we need to be a sucker for punishment or be a punch bag, emotionally or physically. My view is that developing some compassion for the other party’s behavior will prevent us from staying emotionally unbalanced, or stewing for too long after the actual upsetting incident took place.

I don’t feel people are actually born to be toxic or mean-spirited to others. However, they can become that way over time for varying reasons. They may have encountered abuse in their young lives, and the abused becomes the abuser. This has been the case in many investigations into documented cases of abuse.

On their life journey, the other person is likely to have encountered anger, disappointment, heart-break and hurt. They may be totally consumed by their own failures or jealousy towards us. Perhaps they’ve never felt truly cared for by another person. One’s sensitivity can become numbed when one has been treated badly by family members from a young age and so, the abused becomes the abuser and it may not even occur to them the extent to which they have mistreated you. It could be a button is pressed by an action or word which bring backs their deep seated pain and they react inappropriately.

It is really exhausting to live in a dictatorship of ‘Me’, which is basically a tyranny of others ~ Stefan Molyneux

I have found the best way to handle negativity, as mentioned above, is to generate enough compassion for the other person that will at least quell my hurt feelings. Or, even better still, override those wounded feelings.

If ever, the other person should develop the courage to apologize to us, it will improve our chance of offering genuine forgiveness, and we will experience more emotional harmony should we have some pre-made compassion in our hearts for them. If someone becomes violent, constantly belittles you, gets you down with their complaining, has a negative impact on your children, uses you for resources or kindness, or discourages you from following your dreams and goals, then, more drastic ways for the preservation of body, mind and spirit may well be required than only our compassion.

Many of my family members have, since their passing to the other side, come through various mediums to say how terribly sorry they were for the way they treated me. One such incident happened at a workshop I attended at the Arthur Findlay College of Psychic Research in the United Kingdom 16 years ago. A well- known medium approached me between classes, and said; “I have your grandmother here, and she wants to say how sorry she is for the way she treated you. She says she didn’t know better as a result of her own sad childhood”.

My late father also came through too last year through a psychic circle I was running in Johannesburg, South Africa. He said he wished he could take back the way he treated my husband and had great praise for him now. When I questioned this, asking why he liked him now, he said; “I see things differently now”. Perhaps my father was a victim of the abused becoming the abuser.

Such a waste, but I do hope I already see things differently, and that I can help others see their value own unique value in this lifetime.