When Your Love Fantasy Overshadows Reality

Relationships flourish when they are put in the proper climate for growth. When it comes to intimate and romantic relationships it is integral for our own personal growth to recognize what we want and expect within the situation. Boundaries are a powerful way to cultivate the experiences that are more meaningful in our relationships.

Often when I am reading for a person that is having consistent challenges, Spirit will identify similar challenges within the situation. This is not universal, because challenges can stem from many sources. However, I would like to identify some consistent messages that do come up related to relationships.

One issue that comes up quite often is a focus on fantasy rather than reality. This is not to say that fantasy is bad, but when an individual expends a lot of their time and energy fantasizing about how a situation will evolve, they can potentially fall in love with the fantasy instead of the reality.

You don’t ask nobody to give what they can’t give, or be what they can’t be. You’ve learnt that, you got a headstart on heartbreak ~ Jack Farris

In this type of mental environment, it is very difficult for the connection to continue to evolve, because the expectations that are presented in the situation are created not by the actual experiences, but rather by the fantasies that have been cultivated over time.

The most consistent advice that Spirit will give clients related to this issue is acceptance. First, to truly fall in love with a person it means that we must learn to accept them at face value. We must accept who they are and how they express themselves. This goes directly with the fantasy element that can often be cultivated when a relationship begins to evolve.

There are two dynamics that can take place with fantasy. The first is over-analyzing the actual circumstances. This is often very clear when doing a Tarot reading. One of the most common relationship ‘challenge cards’ is the Two of Swords. This card literally means mental conflict – a conflict that exists within the mind that keeps us from being able to fully experience the good that exists within a relationship.

Planning and having some sort of vision for the future is a positive element in relationship evolution. However, it is not beneficial to a relationship to cultivate an entirely new universe for the relationship to exist.

I have had clients come to me that have already ‘seen’ their wedding, children, home, and more… after the first date! However, they were not basing these things off circumstances, but rather they were projecting their own wants and desires onto this other person. This is a heavy load for another person to carry and doing this can cause many challenges as the relationship evolves.

You may have heard of creative visualization, or visioning.  This is the practice by which we visualize a desired future.  This practice can be very good, and I have seen it work for myself and several other people. The problem that tends to come up is that when this practice is then placed on another person, the individual using this practice creates an unrealistic expectation for this specific person. This creates a poor foundation for relational growth.

I’m not in this world to live up to your expectations and you’re not in this world to live up to mine ~ Bruce Lee

If one of my clients is utilizing the practice of visualization I recommend that they only spend a few minutes a day doing the actual practice. This is plenty of time for the Universe to get the message and create the moment, and stops the challenges that come with creating two conflicting realities within the mind.

Mental conflict literally is a conflict of intention. When fantasy overshadows reality, it is very difficult to cultivate the type of boundaries necessary for growth. Focusing too much on fantasy can shift our motivation from love to attempting to get the other person to do something to fulfill that fantasy.  This is not love, this is control and manipulation. No relationship can flourish under these conditions.

As your relationship evolves and grows, remember that you are in control of how much you love. The experience of love is not what we get, it is what we give. Yes, it is true that it is unhealthy to continually give love where there is no reciprocation. However, if this is occurring, it means that the person has already engaged more with fantasy than with reality. Thinking that another person will ‘change’ simply because we want them to be the biggest fallacy of all time. The only way our experience of life ever changes is if we choose to change ourselves.