You Can Love Others Without Harming Yourself

Some people are constantly looking for answers in others. They want so desperately to find that place where they will be forever happy, and centered, and complete. They look to others to find answers, insight and direction.

They sometimes find something that makes them feel content. But that only lasts for a moment. Then they are once again looking for something else to make them happy and feeling on the up and up. Their lives are a constant roller-coaster ride of highs and lows. They have sudden bursts of energy and happiness, then they are down again for the count, with that feeling of depression and helplessness that there is just no way out.

You cannot expect to live a positive life if you hang with negative people ~ Joel Osteen

I can remember overhearing someone talking about my friend who suffers from Bipolar Disorder and how easy it is to get sucked in and then drained when trying to help them feel better. I believed, before I had heard of this, that I had done some something really good by saving her from this negativity. I felt like I may have helped her conquer this endless cycle of highs and lows… to only feel like a failure when the time would come that I wouldn’t see her for days, weeks and sometimes…months.

One thing that I have learned is that you can love someone, but you don’t have to give of yourself so much that you feel drained to try and help them to the point that you feel you are just wasting your time and energy. What I have found is that you have to separate yourself, or else you to will start to feel negative, depleted of energy and sucked into their drama and chaos.

What I overheard was the truth. You simply must keep yourself at arm’s length. Doesn’t meant you don’t care, it just means you have to protect your own energy field. You can drop a note letting them know you’re praying and thinking about them, but you have to, you simply must learn how and when to draw the line.

Many time these people are energy vampires, or what many would call “victims”. They are always looking to try and find meaning in their lives through others. Instead of getting a good therapist they are covering up hurts, maybe even a past life events, with anything and everything they can find to divert them from their own thoughts.

The best advice I can give you is to pray for them. Let them know from a distance that you are thinking of them and sending them healing energy, but go no further than that. If you haven’t learned yet that you can get dragged down and taken for a roller coaster ride yourself, stop right now and save yourself from that, because it can be an endless cycle in a downward spiral.

Negativity is cannibalistic. The more you feed it, the bigger and stronger it grows ~ Bobby Darnell

I did a reading for a client who almost lost her entire family, because of all the nurturing she was giving her friend who kept dragging her down with her. In turn it was costing her health and eventually she would have lost her husband, because he saw what it was doing to her. A person can only give so much before they either have to learn to keep a distance, or become a people-pleaser.

No one else can make these emotionally draining people get the kind of help they need. Only they can do that, with medical help or spiritual counseling. I can tell when certain clients need to seek help from the medical profession, such as a therapist or trained psychologist. A few of my clients have thanked me, and still do repeatedly, for telling them bluntly that they need the support of a therapist.