Choose Your Life Partner Wisely

Many people are looking for that soulmate who will truly be a life-long partner. But because they are so desperate to find that special person, they sometimes align with those that do not necessarily have all the qualities that are important in a healthy, fulfilling relationship. This is unfortunately not how you find your ‘forever.’

In the old days divorce was not even something someone considered once they got married. Neither did couples live together, unless they were married. It was frowned upon when a baby was born out of wedlock. If someone did get pregnant, there was usually a quick wedding, and that was that.

Did these people meet their soulmates? Not necessarily. However, they worked on it and stuck it out, because it was just the way things were back then. There was no social media, no online options, no texting. If you were lucky enough, you had a landline phone. Most people met their spouses in the local church or in high school. They often married young.

What did they have that we don’t? First and foremost they had the support of family. They also had the knowing that marriage (in their mind) was a life-long commitment. They also had to physically work hard outside and inside of the home. People sat together and ate meals as a family. It was such a different time compared to today’s fast-paced lifestyle.

There are two kinds of sparks, the one that goes off with a hitch like a match, but it burns quickly. The other is the kind that needs time, but when the flame strikes… it’s eternal, don’t forget that ~ Werner Erhard

My parents married in 1947 and when my mom passed in 1997, they had just reached their 50th wedding anniversary. They married at age 20 and 21. My mother quit her job as a bookkeeper in a local dairy plant and helped my father on the farm, who was in turn helping my grandparents on their farm. When the children came, my grandmother cared for us, while my parents worked in the fields, until we were old enough to help out as well. There was no such thing as ‘child labor’ on a farm. You simply did as you were expected by the older generations.

This is where I broke the chain of events so to speak. I was the ‘different’ child. I decided I was not going to be led down a path of doing something simply because it was expected of me to follow suit. I broke free of that environment, moved away at age 17 and started my own life.

But I was one of those people that settled for a relationship simply because I was lonely. My parents interfered in my first love, who I felt was my connection for life. I was not allowed to see him, as I was 13 and he was 18. It was unthinkable. However, I just knew he was the one.

By the time I was free of family, he was married to someone else. However, we remained friends always. I eventually married and my youngest and his youngest later became friends. They played together at each others’ houses. We both had three children.

His wife left him and I was in an abusive relationship. But this time I did not think I could handle being in a marriage with six children, so again I went in a different direction and we both remarried. Needless to say, neither of those marriages worked out.

Love is not an equation, it is not a contract, and it is not a happy ending. Love is the slate under the chalk, the ground that buildings rise, and the oxygen in the air. It is the place you come back to, no matter where you’re headed ~ Ryan Erickson

At the ripe age of 46 and he 51, we reconnected again and realized that we were both trying to find something that we already had. My youngest son ran into him and told him to call me (my little matchmaker). He called me on a long weekend in September and we have not been apart since that day. The love that we shared for each other never left – it was simply buried.

Both of us had accepted that we would just settle for someone else when we were young, because it’s what people did.  Happiness was never a thought with our parents. It was all about responsibility. We have chosen this time to throw caution to the wind and simply be happy and love each other for who we are.

When I am asked if someone is your soulmate, I cannot answer that. At least not the way you think. You have many soulmates who cross your path in this lifetime and they are simply those you have had past life experiences with. That does not mean you are meant to be with them in this lifetime, as a couple. It simply means that you will cross paths in some capacity and feel as if you have known them forever.

The better question to ask is, “Does this person I’m getting to know have all the qualities that I seek from a life partner? Or am I settling?” Remember the other person is not going to magically change and become someone you want them to be. And yes, marriage does happen with the wrong person (more often than not).

If the person cheated on their spouse to be with you, don’t be surprised when they cheat on you with someone else. If the person was a workaholic when you met, he’s not going to give up hours to spend with you and the family. If they drink or smoke or party all the time, it will probably continue into the marriage. And threatening to leave will simply cause resentment.

The most empowering relationships are those in which each partner lifts the other to a higher possession of their own being ~ Pierre Teilhard de Chardin

So, when you ask if someone is your soulmate, look at their qualities. Throw the world ‘soulmate’ out the backdoor. Ask yourself instead if you can laugh with this person. Does this person respect me, and do I respect this person? Do we both have unconditional trust, love and truth with each other? Does this person have all the other qualities I seek in a partner?

Only you know the qualities that you need to be complimented by your partner. If the answer is no, then walk away, because down the road one of your will walk away. And you could be in a state of marriage at that point, causing tremendous hurt. Do not invest in someone who right now is not 100% who you would like in your life. Invest in yourself and watch the blessings grow.  Choose wisely and prevent the hurt.