Why People Cheat On Their Mates – Part 3

In the previous blog in this series I shared with you Diane’s situation with her now ex-husband. She was married to a man who stepped out on his very happy marriage, because there was some aspect to his personality that made it impossible for him to be faithful. There are many ways to explain why one may cheat. Diane felt that her husband’s wondering eye was just that – he liked to look around and flirt with other women.

Today, I am sharing *Joanne’s story. She has been married for several decades, and she has four children with her husband. They also own a business together. Although she knew her husband had cheated on her decades ago, she decided to forgive him and stay with him to this very day. Her reasoning was that she had small children, and she was also raised Catholic. Therefore, she felt divorce wouldn’t be the right thing to do. Unfortunately, it did not end there.

Self-development is a higher duty than self-sacrifice ~ Elizabeth Cady Stanton

Joanne recalls how he promised her he would tell the women he was cheating with that he wanted to stay in his marriage and not cheat anymore. But 30 years later, he was still cheating! She knew that the women he cheated on her with so many years ago were still calling him and they were still meeting in secret. Yet, she continued to turn the other cheek and pretended that it was not happening, but she was reminded of his cheating every time she looked in the mirror.

I asked her why her own reflection in a mirror would remind her of his cheating? She said, “When I look in the mirror, I can see the wrinkles around my lips. I look like a heavy smoker and I never smoked. You see, when I think of my husband cheating on me I tend to purse my lips. I look like I’ve been sucking on a lemon my entire life!”

I went in and remote viewed him, and I found him to be a very selfish individual. His wife cooks and cleans for him, and has been there for him throughout all of his illnesses. She coddled him back to health every time. Indirectly, through his cheating, he has created dis-ease within the family. Many of the children suffer from health issues as a result.

Joanne feels that staying with him, knowing that he cheats, did a huge disservice to her children. They struggle with anger problems today and she has a son who abuses alcohol. She also admits to drinking herself from time to time, to mask her pain and mistrust of him. She often wonders what her life would had been like if she would have just raised the kids by herself, without him. He was never home anyway, and when he was, he was short-tempered and abusive. Would her children not have been healthier and happier had she left him? She just wishes things were different, but they are not.

When you love you wish to do things for. You wish to sacrifice for. You wish to serve ~ Ernest Hemingway

I felt the need to ask her if I could share her life story, especially the part about her knowing that he continues to cheat, because normally people don’t stay with mates who cheat. I felt it may encourage others to be make the better choices earlier in their lives. She agreed and had these words to share: “We’ve been together so long, I don’t want to be alone after all these years. I’d fear being lonely and I don’t know what else I would do. He is all I know, and maybe it’s my cross to bear.”

Being almost 75 years old she feels, “What are you gonna do?” I admire her optimistic upbeat tone. I find her to be very interesting, she has had quite a life and endured so much. I do not condone her decision to put up with his selfishness for so many years, but one thing I can agree with her on is that her husband is very lucky she stayed by his side. I can’t say I, or most of my friends and clients would have done the same.

The bottom-line is, some people cheat because they can get away with it and they know their mates won’t leave them, and they are to my way of thinking selfish and highly narcissistic.

In the next blog I will wrap-up this series.

*Not her real name