Context, Context, Context

In the sales and marketing field they often talk of ‘location, location, location’ (no matter how good your product or service is, how successful you are often comes down to location). Perhaps in our communication with others we should think of context, context, and context?

We have entered a period of time in the world that communication is misconstrued, even fake and has more opportunities to be interpreted as confrontational, biased, and not politically correct. On top of that put an individual’s personal style of communication – introvert, extrovert, analytical, emotional subjective and all the other styles, and the matter becomes more thorny.

Then, add even another layer, such as email and social media, which does not involve the other person being face-to-face. Now communication becomes even more complex, because body language and the human expression energetically is not a resource available to us to can pick up on the subtle options for interpretation. We will initially respond to the email from our frame of reference, and our reference alone, which is biased by our experiences.

Between what is said and not meant, and what is meant and not said, most of love is lost ~ Kahlil Gibran

So what do we do? Well, we recognize the importance of ourselves being energy vibration, through which our body communicates consciously and subconsciously with everything in our environment. We acknowledge that our emotions, beliefs and thoughts are complex, inter-connected and influence each situational response in our communication. It is the framework of context and a good recognition of the context within the specific situation that then becomes an incredible spiritual tool to improve your communication, whether it be written, verbal, or by body language.

Have you fought with your partner and afterwards felt like it was ridiculous? How did you go from discussing supper choice to “It’s always about you?” Or have you left an update meeting as a member of the team and felt embarrassed or critiqued in front of others by the leader, or your supervisor, for a delinquency, perhaps not even your direct responsibility? Did you feel an inability to defend yourself and you had to hold that in, perhaps even complaining with close friends to vent? Only then to find you misinterpreted the situation, or that you were pulled into something that had no bearing of the facts presented. I think we can all recall such scenarios with relationships whereby we are left dumbfounded as to what just transpired.

So, why are we left dumbfounded so frequently? I suggest it is because in our humanness our priority is getting our questions answered, and although we attempt to listen, we are often listening to respond… not listening to understand. Our subconscious and our energy system however is so beautifully created that to serve our soul it analyzes every minute detail and disturbance of the energy environment. It responds to stimulus and for each stimulus the fast thinking part of the brain retrieves multiple scenarios of response.

The fast thinking brain portion has no judgment on the response scenario, so it can be a fight or flight choice, it can be related to a hurtful or joyous relationship memory, it can be an emotion that is triggered that we are disconnected from, it can also, for those of us who are empathic, actually be a response influenced by the target of our communication… and not ours at all. Whatever the response scenario source, it is important for us to be able to learn to tap into this extraordinary aspect of our soul and to reframe the context of the responses.

The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place ~ George Bernard Shaw

Perhaps the willingness of one party to engage in a tit-for-tat, back and forward dialogue is what they are familiar with from a parent or former marriage or relationship. Perhaps someone who just says “whatever” and disengages from you is actually them displaying a self-protective response as they were raised that they perceive themselves as not having a voice and that their input is not valued.

Then there are other times that something that is innocently said by one partner triggers a negative response. That fast thinking recipient brain may perceive you as speaking down to them as if they were a child, or they are reminded of their parents. That may be their context.

So, I suggest for improved relationships, whether romantic, family, peers, to try and do the dance of staying slightly emotionally detached and evaluate the context of the communication. If it is not obvious, then ask specific questions to elicit a healthy response for understanding. Is the communication stalling because, I am too quick to respond? Am I making judgments from my frame of reference? Have I considered what the context of these statements are from?

And then, regardless of context, one simply has to witness the context and evaluate, just like location, location, location – am I in an appealing situation or location or relationship? Am I too far from where I wish to be in life, am I becoming too isolated from experiencing loving relationship or discussion? Is there too much or too little ‘traffic’ in my life?

This is your life and your happiness depends upon your choices. Frame your life and go for it!