A Quick Guide To Safer Online Dating

Despite widespread skepticism, I still believe that online dating is one of the best ways to meet someone special, especially for those whose lifestyle limits their ability to meet other singles in their daily lives.

Statistics back up the success of online dating. According to the Pew Research Center, for example, approximately 5% of Americans who are married or in a committed relationship met their partner online.

A study by the National Academy of Sciences found that more than one-third of marriages in the U.S. begin with online dating, and these couples report slightly higher levels of happiness than couples who meet through other means. In fact, Match.com reports that only 9% of women and 2% of men find relationships in clubs or bars.

Clearly, the Internet plays a crucial role in bringing people together!

However, it’s important to realize that no form of dating is completely risk-free. Meeting strangers online always carries some risk, but there are ways to minimize these dangers and protect yourself.

The reality is that most people who engage in online dating do so safely, which is why these platforms remain popular. Still, it’s wise for online daters to be aware of the potential risks and take precautions.

I know several friends and clients who have had unsettling or even frightening experiences with men they met online. For example, one friend found herself being followed home after a date by a man on a motorcycle. She acted quickly, running several red lights to lose him and eventually pulling over in front of a police station, where he fled. Another friend escaped a potentially dangerous situation by convincing a man to let her return to a restaurant to retrieve her phone, where she asked the manager to call the police.

In my experience, most online dates are harmless. I have never felt my safety threatened on or after a date and I feel very fortunate. Regardless, I’m prepared. I certainly sleep better (so does my mom), knowing I’ve taken steps to online date in a responsible way ~ Shani Silver

In another case, a client refused to use online dating after her friend was found dead following an online date. Although I can’t confirm this story, it’s a stark reminder of the risks involved. Another client, who had been talking to a man online for about a month, felt comfortable enough to share her work details. However, after an uncomfortable date filled with inappropriate comments, she cut off contact, only to have the man call her workplace with false accusations. This caused her considerable stress and could have cost her her job if not for her understanding boss.

So, how can you protect yourself when dating online?

Trust your intuition: It’s better to be cautious and be wrong than to ignore warning signs and risk harm. If something feels off, trust your gut.

Maintain a friendly demeanor: Avoid confronting or rejecting someone you find suspicious. Instead, remain polite and end the interaction without revealing your discomfort. Never give out personal information.

Choose public places for first dates: Opt for lunch dates in public places. Avoid meeting at either person’s home until you’ve had several dates and feel comfortable.

Verify contact information: Before you meet, talk on the phone to get their number. Mention in passing that you’ve given their details to a friend or family member, to give the impression that someone is aware of your whereabouts.

Protect personal information: Don’t share your last name or other identifying details until you’re in a trusted relationship. Adjust your GPS settings to avoid giving away your home address.

Don’t reveal your living arrangements: Avoid letting your date know if you live alone. It implies that others are aware of your plans and will notice if you don’t return home.

Share information with a trusted contact: Inform a trusted person of your date’s details, including where you’re going, when you’ll be back, and any other pertinent information. Send them a copy of your date’s online profile and photo.

Keep your phone charged and accessible: Your phone can be a lifeline in an emergency, so make sure it’s always charged and within reach.

Be careful with your car: Don’t reveal where you parked, and avoid having your date walk you to your car. A good strategy is to pretend that a friend is picking you up.

Stay sober: Alcohol can impair judgment. Keep your intuition sharp by staying sober and watching for red flags, such as requests for explicit content or sexually suggestive comments.

Stay vigilant: Park near the venue, check your rearview mirror regularly, and if you feel unsafe, ask someone to walk you to your car.

Most online dating is perfectly safe, but it’s important to be smart and protect yourself. Remember the golden rule: better safe than sorry.