News and Views From The Psychic Access Community

Cultivating The Sacred, Or Breeding Contempt?

click here for a free psychic reading at PsychicAccess.comLet’s imagine you own an exotic, stunning Bengal cat. Gorgeous markings, intelligent maybe, even psychic. It often acts more like a dog than a tiger and… it also poops. The whole package is the cat. Do you focus on the smell and inconvenience of the poop when sharing stories and talking about the cat? Do you always bring up in conversation what you know about the cat poop, and perhaps other unsavory behaviors? No, of course not! Usually you brag about your cat.

Yet, when it comes to humans, people will brag about how much they know the unsavory (in their opinion) underside of someone, especially if it is a movie star, or a well-known spiritual teacher or healer. It is as if you know some ‘gory details’ about someone of note, this is proof you are ‘in with the it-crowd’ because you know these private things.

If it is a spouse, and you do this, it can often be an underhanded way of control or expressing anger that you do not have the courage or maturity to express directly with the intent of healing and becoming closer with your partner. People who have learned to behave as victims often make this passive-aggressive choice.

All people have a ‘poop side’ to them. Why would anyone choose to focus on that? Are they too scared to stay on their own path, in their own lane? Do they feel the need to be better than others? Why do some people feel obligated to let others know they are one of the ‘special ones’ that has seen the ‘poop side’ of someone, especially if they bring it up in public in an inappropriate fashion? How does that feed their ego, or their wounded self-esteem? Why does that make them feel safer in their world? Do they use it as a way to avoid a direct problem-solving conversation with the person?

The pleasure we feel in criticizing robs us from being moved by very beautiful things ~ Jean De La Bruyere

The Hollywood gossip scene thrives on breeding this kind of contempt. Sadly, it is also rampant in the spiritual community. Spiritual teachers are warned by their mentors to not become too close with their students. Many unconscious psychological  tendencies may surface when a student or client engages in deep work, healing their wounded heart, and the healer or teacher becomes the one that the client or student feels is safe or ‘easy target’ to take out their repressed rage, fear, or terror on. Various forms of lashing out may present itself as old wounds surface and burst asunder. Therapists are also trained to keep a professional distance for these reasons.

If you ever do ‘hang out’ with your spiritual teacher, you can count on the fact that you are not a friend. And what a sad statement that is, because the implication is that when you become friends you become disrespectful, rather than cultivating and supporting the sacred even more rigorously. Your teacher will be ‘managing’ you every second you are together. So, if you think you have learned some big insight about who your guru ‘really is,’ or how she usually behaves, you are not only in the dark and delusional, you are probably on an ego trip.

Students who like to make underhanded comments, or ‘give looks’ when working with a spiritual teacher in a class setting, have corrupted or even destroyed their own relationship with their teacher by focusing on the ‘poop’ as a way to gain status, or feel ‘better than,’ or to handle perceived vulnerabilities, or to express arrogance, rather than focusing on their own learning and treasuring the sacred in the relationship. Being able to make snide remarks about what you consider to be insightful observations about your teacher (or therapist) as a way of somehow proving you really know her, is not only a form of contempt, it is a sign of arrogance and fear.

Your teacher has her own teacher and colleagues to give her educated, professional and wise observational feedback. Your remarks as a receiver of her services can therefore be compared to a pre-teen commenting on effective parenting. If your teacher (or therapist) does not have a teacher or mentor, or a community of colleagues working with her, to provide educated and insightful feedback, I would reconsider working with that person. At the very least question her as to how she keeps perspective and balance in her work and personal growth.

Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain but it takes character and self control to be understanding and forgiving ~ Dale Carnegie

That being said, you are not your teacher’s mentor and it is not your job, nor do you have the tools, training, practice or experience to monitor, judge and comment on her behavior (unless she has strayed into the area of abuse). If you are obsessed with your teacher’s ‘poop side’ and no longer treasure or cultivate the sacred in the work offered, perhaps it is time for you to move on.

The same goes for family and spouse. Do you feed the sacred in your relationships with loved ones, or do you prefer one-upmanship by making backhanded, prideful observations and commentaries on what you perceive as their ‘poop?’ No wonder your relationships no longer feel special. Furthermore, how do you know what you are seeing or experiencing is ‘poop?’ Unless you take a moment to tune in and do a mini-reading. Chances are you do not have the full story or history, and you are the one making up the story to be ‘poop.’

Perhaps the person is an introvert and your energy is driving this person crazy? Nobody’s fault, just what is happening. Or perhaps the person is setting boundaries in a clumsy fashion, but for him is it a giant step forward, while your left brain has a ‘better’ story to tell… to make you feel ‘right’ or superior.

If you are not taking a moment to try and be more compassionate, insightful, or helpful, perhaps you should mind your own business. Stay in your lane, and look to being more mindful about your own deeds, thoughts, and reactions. Just saying. Or you can leave, or decide to keep more distance. There are so many honest choices available. Covert comments, looks, speculations, and gossip are toxic. Sharing information, venting (and labeling it as such), and in general talking to process in order to problem-solve, or get some insight, detachment, compassion, empathy or love, is another story.

People cultivate each other. You either feed the sacred in each close or important relationship, or you disrespect and devalue the relationship. In the middle is honest, straightforward communications, often about difficult material, setting boundaries and processing your own reactions to discover more about you and why you were triggered by someone else’s stuff.  Honoring the sacred is a much more challenging way to live.  Thriving on ‘poop patrol’ gossip and speculations is easier and sadly, these days, the norm in the muggle world.

Don’t judge anyone unless you’ve walked in their moccasins one moon ~ Native American Proverb

This does not mean you cannot criticize or discuss challenges with someone. However, that is different than throwing looks or making sideways commentaries in inappropriate settings, such as a classroom, yoga studio or a family gathering. If you have an issue with your teacher, make an appointment to discuss. The same with family and spouse. Make learning about someone else’s perspectives and problem-solving sacred… not gossipy, bitchy, backstabbing or status climbing.

Work on honoring and cultivating the sacred in those relationships that have deep meaning for you. As you do for others, do for yourself. Learn to see and honor the sacred in you. Keep your focus on yourself and your path. Practice cultivating your sacred qualities and do not torment yourself by constantly rubbing your own nose in ‘poop.’ Share to problem solve, ask questions to learn before you come to a conclusion, use boundaries to protect, and use mindfulness to become more self-aware, and to cultivate and honor your own sacred growth.

About The Author: Nonna

Nonna lives in Southern California, and is a professor of psychology and a teacher of psychic development, energy work and meditation, who has recently finished her PhD. She has been a counselor for both humans and animals for thirty years, removing energy blocks through her expertise in the spiritual arts. She also has numerous years of study and practice with classic psychological therapeutic models, family work, twelve-step processes, nutritional and body/mind/spirit healing, complementary, alternative, and quantum medicine. Nonna is brilliant at unearthing the gems in every client's soul and polishing them to a fine finish. To release your own soul's sparkle, contact Nonna at

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