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The Wounded Inner Child

click here for a free psychic reading at PsychicAccess.comA wounded inner child will wreak havoc in your life, control your emotional reactions, and flavor all of your life situations and choices. In the extreme, every abuser, pedophile, sadist, emotional abuser has also been abused, but more importantly, remain unhealed. The damages from their own past remain unexamined and is usually still alive in the unconsciousness, and therefore unhealed.

The magical, spiritual, loving, hopeful, optimistic, healed or never wounded inner child does the same: runs your life, controls your heart chakra, and therefore your emotional reactions, and makes healthy choices that support you as an adult.

Simply knowing about the state of your inner child, or making blithe comments about your inner child, does not imply a healing. Simply saying that you have learned some information is a bit like ‘monkey see, monkey do.’ It is a start, but information is not knowledge. Information applied, worked with, integrated into your learning styles, and into your life experiences, becomes knowledge.

Knowing you love someone is different than loving them. People who regularly abuse their spouse psychically, will fall on their knees proclaiming their love, even as their victim lays there waiting for the ambulance. And in their great sorrow, they actually mean what they say. And yet they will do it again, and again, and again. The information is in their head. They did a bad thing, they love their spouse, however because there is no knowledge, there is no healing. Their behavior will continue, until perhaps imprisonment, or some other extreme circumstance occurs.

So, like a forgotten fire, a childhood can always flare up again within us ~ Gaston Bachelard

I do hope I am scaring you, because in the majority of cases the wounded inner child continues undetected and therefore unstoppable. The majority of cases are not so extreme as to be identified and ‘stopped’ by the law enforcement system. Or you will see people playing out the unhealed dramas of their inner child for an entire lifetime and passing the behaviors, energy and karma onto their children… and their children’s children.

If you take on the healing of your inner child, you will break this chain of karma. Just like being the first one in your family to stop drinking and get help dealing with the causes of the family drinking. The person who takes this on heals the entire family, past, present and into the future. Everyone will be impacted by your heroic journey of healing.

Healing is a process, a journey, and cannot be addressed in an article or book. Reading is information; application is knowledge. To use too little information too soon will corrupt you. If for example someone abuses you and then says, “Well, it is because I am an alcoholic”… that is just information. It is generic and addresses nothing. That comment adds nothing to the conversation, nor does it address the specific situation or conversation in any manner. In fact, it is like throwing dust into a fan. It becomes a deterrent.

A statement like that can be used as a defensive mechanism, to allow yourself to feel better in the moment rather than facing your uncomfortable feelings full on, or to get the other person ‘off your back,’ rather than being able to set a boundary. It is a manipulative response, rather than an honest attempt to participate in a discussion about what just happened, or setting a boundary.

If you are actually in the process of healing (not just talking about what you are learning, or just learned), you will apply what you have learned about your wounded self to each specific situation. Apply it – not announce it as information. “I am going to kiss you,” or “I want to kiss you” is different than kissing the person. Better that you lose the quick use of your labels, or articulate some new information you recently learned, as those facile statements have no depth and no specificity, and will shut down a conversation, rather than opening the conversation up to some deeper levels. It will only function to get you ‘off the hook,’ but not in an authentic or honest fashion.

People talk about the wounded inner child with great compassion, sorrow, and love, and in healing work this is appropriate. What is not often discussed are the behaviors of the walking wounded … the adults living with their wounds like an undetected cancer. The wounded inner child is a child, and like a child will lash out, except it is in the body of an adult, with the cunning, manipulative tactics and even viciousness of an adult mind, fueling the unconscious wounded impulses with actions. This is what you see in the extreme in criminal explosions. In everyday life the viciousness of the wounded inner child will show up in cutting comments, physical violence, narcissistic or sociopathic behaviors that may also include seductive actions used to ‘win’ your love or approval. It is also seen in behind the scenes competition to ‘bring someone down’, gaslighting, perpetual lying about everything – especially everything that feels the slightest bit uncomfortable or threatening (to a child’s mind) physically, emotionally, and spiritually. This is because these are all the tactics of a raging child in an adult body.

Go, ahead, defend that child as one should, but do not give it the power of choice for your adult life ~ James Hollis

When the wounded inner child is in control, the adult in the person is not. The results of being the person on the receiving end of someone’s wounded inner child can range from painful, to confusing, to actual physical harm (even from non-criminal people).

Coming out of denial and waking up to the fact that you indeed have a wounded inner child, and realizing that persona has been making decisions and taking actions for you as an adult, can be excruciatingly painful. Along with healing work that must be done with another human, you will at some point need to do personal inventory work, and then make amends. Only then are you truly on the road to recovery. Before that, it is all discovery, not recovery.

Recovery is when your actions in daily life become different,  when applied information is becoming knowledge. Discovery is when you are learning about yourself, your behaviors, reactions, your triggers, feelings, old programming, and even looking at all the harm you have caused others and yourself, while unconscious about your wounded inner child. If you are a person who has not had to recover from childhood wounds, you may not recognize the signs of a wounded inner child and you may end up shocked on the receiving end of some emotional brutality or inconsistencies. If you are someone who has worked through to the recovery stage of wounded inner child work, you will recognize the signs and be better able to both predict and protect yourself from the walking wounded. And there are plenty of them out there.

Wounded people are often drawn to spirituality, as their wounded inner child has learned to not trust people. Sadly, many of the walking wounded turn to spirituality as a way to feel better, but not do better, and they do not end up taking on recovery work. Therefore healers and teachers are sometimes on the receiving end of the ‘monster’ inside of such a person. Some are equipped to both see and treat this, but some are not. Some ‘spiritual gurus’ tend to be self-proclaimed experts, without the necessary spiritual wisdom, education, skills, knowledge and personal life experience to back it up.

In any case, it is up to each individual to take on this work if you ever wake up to the discovery of what is going on inside of you. You may have to work with one person, or a series of people or even a group, but you cannot do this work in secret or on your own… or with your invisible spirit, astral or ghost friends. Sorry. And until you take accountability through very specific inventory and amends work, both for damage you have done to yourself as well as harm you have done to others, consider yourself to still be part of the ‘walking wounded’ – just awakened, but not yet healed.

About The Author: Nonna

Nonna lives in Southern California, and is a professor of psychology and a teacher of psychic development, energy work and meditation, who has recently finished her PhD. She has been a counselor for both humans and animals for thirty years, removing energy blocks through her expertise in the spiritual arts. She also has numerous years of study and practice with classic psychological therapeutic models, family work, twelve-step processes, nutritional and body/mind/spirit healing, complementary, alternative, and quantum medicine. Nonna is brilliant at unearthing the gems in every client's soul and polishing them to a fine finish. To release your own soul's sparkle, contact Nonna at

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