News and Views From The Psychic Access Community

toxic relationship

Are You A Giver, Or Taker?

click here for a free psychic reading at PsychicAccess.comEver had one of those days where you feel as though you’re at your wits end? You thought to yourself, “I can’t handle this anymore. I’m not even sure who to turn to, to support me!” You probably found yourself feeling stressed, overloaded and ready to explode, or perhaps just feeling exhausted, drained, like you’re a car for which the fuel light came on 20 miles ago.

There is only one thing you can do in these situations. Stop.  Pull over. You need to assess your situation. When I work with people who are feeling either of those intense states of being, I help them figure out which category they are falling into at that moment. Are they a giver or a taker?

Many of us think that we are never ‘takers,’ but truth be told, nearly all of us fall into that category from time to time.  There’s nothing wrong with being a taker, the same as there is nothing wrong with being a giver. That is, as long as you are equaling out your exchange.

If you are always a taker, depending upon others for physical, emotional and spiritual support, you are going to soon find your lush forest of support become a dry empty desert. When there is no equilibrium of give and take, people will naturally pull away from you. Individuals can only take the sense of draining for so long. Continue reading

Cultivating The Sacred, Or Breeding Contempt?

click here for a free psychic reading at PsychicAccess.comLet’s imagine you own an exotic, stunning Bengal cat. Gorgeous markings, intelligent maybe, even psychic. It often acts more like a dog than a tiger and… it also poops. The whole package is the cat. Do you focus on the smell and inconvenience of the poop when sharing stories and talking about the cat? Do you always bring up in conversation what you know about the cat poop, and perhaps other unsavory behaviors? No, of course not! Usually you brag about your cat.

Yet, when it comes to humans, people will brag about how much they know the unsavory (in their opinion) underside of someone, especially if it is a movie star, or a well-known spiritual teacher or healer. It is as if you know some ‘gory details’ about someone of note, this is proof you are ‘in with the it-crowd’ because you know these private things.

If it is a spouse, and you do this, it can often be an underhanded way of control or expressing anger that you do not have the courage or maturity to express directly with the intent of healing and becoming closer with your partner. People who have learned to behave as victims often make this passive-aggressive choice.

All people have a ‘poop side’ to them. Why would anyone choose to focus on that? Are they too scared to stay on their own path, in their own lane? Do they feel the need to be better than others? Why do some people feel obligated to let others know they are one of the ‘special ones’ that has seen the ‘poop side’ of someone, especially if they bring it up in public in an inappropriate fashion? How does that feed their ego, or their wounded self-esteem? Why does that make them feel safer in their world? Do they use it as a way to avoid a direct problem-solving conversation with the person? Continue reading

Let Spirit Put Ego In Its Place

click here for a free psychic reading at PsychicAccess.comI recently had a conversation with a lovely, learned lady who was quite beside herself, because her husband of ten years simply got up and walked out on her… with no explanation whatsoever! She was understandably beside herself with shock and grief. I asked her what kind of relationship she felt they had and she assured me it was a very loving one. I find it almost impossible to believe that a loving, caring partner would all of a sudden just turn his back with all they had shared together and walk out the door, in what appeared to be a cold and callous man.

I then asked her why she felt they had such a good situation between them and she said it was because she loved him so much. She did all she could to keep him happy and satisfied. Well, now we were obviously getting somewhere. On further probing I found this man had been emotionally detached, and certainly oblivious to her needs. How can this, by any definition, be a warm and loving relationship?

Her ego most assuredly suffered a blow, but I do wonder where spirit was in all of this. It would make no sense to me if spirit accepted such a one-sided relationship that was  completely devoid of any care or kindness.

My suspicion is that she had convinced herself that this ‘relationship’ had to maintain itself, or she would not be an ‘acceptable’ woman if she did not have a prominent male in her life, even under these trying conditions. There we go, when ego runs the show a myriad of pains can certainly appear on the horizon! Continue reading

Freedom

click here for a free psychic reading at PsychicAccess.comImagine yourself in a cage. Imagine that confinement, the boredom, the hopelessness, the feeling of being trapped or smothered. Restricted and confined. Now imagine you have magical powers and abilities. You hold the key to this cage and you use that key now.

Unlock the door, open the window. Remove the chains that are binding you. Release any feelings of being stuck, trapped, overwhelmed. Create a space in your life that allows you the freedom to be who you are.

You are a bird. Imagine stepping out of that cage and flying freely. Soaring in the sky.

Feel the love, the expansiveness, the unending infinite possibilities that are before you. Love is what you’ve come here to experience. Love is your Divine life mission. Continue reading

Loving The Emotionally Unavailable Person

click here to get a free psychic reading at PsychicAccess.comIf you’ve ever been in a relationship with someone who’s emotionally unavailable, you know how hard it is to get close to that person. People who are emotionally unavailable are evasive.

In the beginning the emotionally unavailable person starts out with flattery, flirting and wooing, but this typically lasts only a short while. They can even offer you a lot of self-disclosure and initially show their vulnerable side, but beware! The emotionally unavailable prefer the chase instead of the catch.

Control is another must for the emotionally unavailable person. They can very inflexible with their schedules and you find that you’re always the one doing all the work and fitting yourself into their schedule. Continue reading

Learning To Deal With Toxic Individuals

click here for a free psychic reading at PsychicAccess.com

If, as many teachings suggest, there is spiritual growth in every experience, and in particular the more difficult times, then being strongly affected by another person’s negative behavior must also be one of life’s lessons.

I have been pondering this because of the increase in psychic reading calls I have been getting related to this very topic. Some of my clients have been profoundly upset lately by the negative outbursts of people in their lives, including family, friends, partners, work colleagues, or even random altercations in public places.

I love these words from the poem Desiderata: “Avoid the loud and the aggressive – they are vexations to the spirit.” How very true. However, more often than not, we are not in the position to avoid those individuals altogether, in order to escape their toxic influence. Even in a friendship turned sour, we often want to give the toxic friend the benefit of the doubt, knowing that they don’t always behave that way. We might even be in love with a negative person, hoping we can change them one day. Continue reading

The Path To A Healthy Relationship

click here for a free psychic reading at PsychicAccess.comEverything we experience in life is an opportunity to grow and embrace fully who we are. In India they say that the path of the householder is the hardest spiritual path, far harder than that of the monk or hermit. In other words, facing the daily challenges of domestic responsibilities and being in close relationship with others, whether it be romantic, family, or work, is the hardest path to manage.

It is challenging in our everyday life to stay close to God, or remain true to the blueprint of who we were created to be spiritually. The good news is that, as we do learn to manage our challenges, we exponentially strengthen who we are. (Note, I use the term ‘God’ as a convenient, small word to indicate a vast Divine experience too big for me to describe, or define.) Continue reading

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