friendship
Setting Healthy Boundaries With Toxic People
I have often wondered why so many of us tolerate unhealthy, unhappy, and sometimes very dysfunctional relationships with relatives and friends. Too many of us endure the toxic dynamics in our families and friendships, putting up with being the scapegoat, emotional punching bag, financial provider, free therapist, or nanny.
Why is it that many of us tend to keep giving the people in our lives second chances and multiple opportunities to learn and grow, hoping that they will somehow become more considerate, loving, and compassionate?
Meanwhile, we ignore their nasty words, spiteful behaviors, and toxic exchanges. We remain kind, tolerant, and patient. We try to help them lighten up, or connect on a deeper, more caring level. We hope that maybe someday everyone will be happier together and enjoy sharing more love and belonging, instead of dysfunction and drama.
But as the years go by, they continue to disappoint, abuse, and betray us. The loving kindness and mutual support never comes. Try as we might in these toxic situations, the people we love and care about will continue to talk down to us or try to make us feel that we are not good enough. These complicated family and friendship situations can eventually cost us our physical and mental health, our financial security, and our personal accomplishments.
I find this to often be the case with my clients who are gifted, empathic, highly sensitive, and spiritually aware. Some even consider it their purpose or calling in this lifetime. However, while being a wounded healer or earth angel is certainly a noble calling, being a scapegoat or doormat is definitely not! God, Source, Spirit, the Divine wants us to be happy, healthy and safe, and to live our best life.
The Ghosts Of Regret
As part of my training as a spiritual life coach, our class was asked to do a profound exercise. Our task was to imagine ourselves on our deathbed someday, being visited by a gathering of ghosts. We had to imagine these ‘ghosts’ from our past as being very bitter and angry, because they represented all the things we never achieved or succeeded in, coming back to haunt us. They were the ghosts of our unfulfilled goals and dreams returning to die along with us.
We were asked to then review our life and imagine what we would say to ourselves and our ‘ghosts,’ now that our life is over. What would we advise ourselves to do if we could go back in time, get a second chance, and somehow live our life anew?
For me, this was a very thought-provoking process. The first thought for me was my personal ‘bucket list’ of things I still want to experience in this lifetime. For example, I still want to travel on the Orient Express train with my family; see the view from The Shard (a 72-storey skyscraper in London); fly down The Grand Canyon; and witness the splendor of Niagara Falls.
There are many things I still hope to also do. But why have I not done at least some of it yet? Too busy earning a living? Yes, we all get busy, and most of us need to work. However, does this mean we cannot also lead a fuller life?
The next thought the deathbed exercise brought up for me was a sad memory from a few years ago, when my late brother was receiving rehabilitation treatment at a local hospital. We were very close as siblings. He confided in me one day, while we sat looking out the hospital window and saw a young family walking by, that he often feels intense regret and sadness when he sees people with their kids and grandkids, while he had no offspring of his own.
An End-Of-Life Mediumship Experience
I have been doing mediumship work for over 40 years, but recently I received an unusual request I have never had before. I was asked to do a phone reading for a long-time client whose mom who was terminally ill and in hospice intensive care. My client said her mom could no longer speak, and she felt the need to communicate with her before she passed.
I have never done a mediumship reading under these circumstances, but I could hardly refuse my client’s plea. So, I agreed, despite not being entirely confident about how it would unfold.
As soon as I started to tune in, I saw a vision in my mind’s eye of a man holding both her mother’s hands. I described the physical appearance of the two people I was seeing, and the daughter then confirmed that it was definitely her mom and her mom’s brother.
The mother was very relieved to be able to reassure her daughter, as well as her life-long best friend, who was also present in the hospice room at the time, that she was finally ready to transition and return to her spiritual home.
Then I saw three angels standing behind the mother. They wanted to reassure those present that her crossing would be safe and easy, and that she would no longer be in so much pain.
When I perceive angels during readings, they appear to me exactly how one might expect them to look in the traditional Christian art sense, complete with wings and a glowing aura. However, I never see them with recognizable facial features and I always feel their presence first, before I see them.
Increase Your Power And Influence With Charisma
Charisma is a skill that can have a profound impact on our personal and professional lives. It is often wrongly assumed that charisma is a personality trait or talent that some people are born with. The truth is charisma is a learned behavior and skill that can be developed by anyone.
Charisma is the magnetic ability to attract, charm, and persuade others with our words and actions. The term originates from the Greek khárisma, which means ‘favor freely given,’ or ‘gift of grace,’ because the ancients believed that possessing this quality was a divine gift bestowed only upon those who were favored by the gods.
It is generally associated with people who are confident, engaging, and influential. By cultivating charisma, we become more effective at reaching and connecting with others, which can be invaluable in life.
Whether we are seeking to build stronger, healthier personal relationships, foster better professional connections, or make more friends, having a strong presence and the ability to engage with others is a key factor for success. Charisma is not about being arrogant, manipulative, or insincere. Rather it is about being authentic and genuine, while also being able to express ourselves in a way that resonates with others.
Charismatic people are skilled communicators who are able to listen actively, empathize with others, and express themselves clearly and persuasively. They are also able to project confidence, enthusiasm, and positivity, which can be infectious and uplifting to those around them.
How To Stay Focused On Your Goals
Staying focused on our personal goals can be challenging in today’s fast-paced world. With constant demands on our time and energy, including many distractions and obstacles, it is easy to lose sight of our dreams and become overwhelmed. Commitments to employers, family, friends, and community sometimes leave us little time to reflect on how changing our lives can serve our highest good. The answer to this is to cultivate the right mindset and lifestyle strategies.
To begin with it is possible to remain focused and achieve success by developing a positive mindset. Positive thoughts and self-empowering beliefs build our mental resilience and help us overcome challenges more easily. It’s also beneficial to cultivate a growth mindset that enables us to view challenges as opportunities for growth and learning, rather than setbacks.
Another critical aspect of remaining focused on our personal goals is having a clear vision of what we want to achieve. Taking the time to set goals that are specific, achievable and measurable creates a clear roadmap for success and staying on track. It’s also essential to break larger goals into smaller, more manageable tasks, which can help us stay motivated and focused.
Most of all it is vital to prioritize both spiritual and personal self-care. Just taking a few minutes daily to realign and renew our energy can reduce stress, improve health and vitality, and enhance our ability to think creatively. Taking care of our physical, emotional, and spiritual needs can help us stay grounded and focused, even in the face of personal challenges. Make some time for regular exercise, prayer, meditation, journaling, outdoor recreation, or whatever endeavor is a source of joy and renewal for you.
Stop Surviving And Start Living
The past three years, I have heard many people say they’re living in ‘survival mode.’ For some it has been about health and personal safety, for others it was isolation and loneliness, or bereavement and grief, or loss of employment and financial security.
It has certainly been an unprecedented, challenging time for our generation. And at times it has indeed been an actual fight for survival, which many tragically did not survive. Many families are still grieving the loss of their loved ones.
Sadly, for some it has also been a time of fearing many things that never happened. It has also been a time that revealed how some folks may be in need of a major ‘privilege check.’ For example, I personally know people who were excessively anxious during the quarantine lockdowns because they were eating too much and gaining weight, or were upset because they could not go to the salon or spa, while there are people in the world who were not even able to feed their families, or worse, had nowhere safe to take shelter.
The global pandemic has indeed been a unique opportunity to reflect on our beliefs, values, and what truly matters to us. Not everyone made the most of this prospect. It seems for some it is still difficult to move beyond the self-defeating mindset of ‘it’s a struggle to survive.’
Yes, life is sometimes definitely hard for all of us. The past three years proved that once again on a global scale. Life can throw major curve balls our way and we all handle things through our personal lens on the world. Some of us are more resilient than others; and some of us more privileged than others. Being in ‘survival mode’ is therefore relative to the individual.
We Need To Reopen Our Hearts
If, like me, you are highly sensitive to energies, I am sure you have noticed the alarming increase in anger, hatred, callousness, and cruelty in our society in recent times. It seems many people’s hearts have hardened. In my view, this is due to a post-pandemic heart chakra problem in our culture.
For example, one issue I have been finding more of in post-pandemic readings is an inability for many of my callers to remain ‘in the flow’ with their romantic partners. Some of my clients are either overly focused on, and extremely loyal to a partner who clearly doesn’t deserve it, or they are too rigid in keeping their distance and even avoiding contact. I have also been noticing more of this with people’s friendships and interactions with their relatives.
Of course, we must set healthy boundaries in all our relationships for the sake of our own well-being. Without proper boundaries we will become too exhausted and energetically drained to be of any use to others. By taking good care of ourselves, we also take better care of others and will have more to give.
But there’s a difference between healthy boundaries and ‘excommunicating’ just about everyone across-the-board. ‘Blocking,’ ‘banning,’ and ‘ghosting’ every person who dares to express a different point of view on social media, and disowning every person in your life who has the nerve to do or say the slightest thing that may annoy you, is not exactly setting healthy boundaries. It is rather a sign of having very weak, fickle boundaries. If this has become your way of being in the world, then you may want to consider doing some heart chakra energy work.