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Is There A Secret To Successful Relationships?

Get a FREE psychic reading right now at PsychicAccess.comI was speaking with a girlfriend the other day about how much women share with each other as friends. We really do.  This kind of ‘sharing’ is emotional, spiritual, and deep. This, in turn, helps us deal with stress and difficult, if not impossible life experiences.  It is a way for us to share our innermost fears, dreams and secrets, with support and love.

Of course, many of us also have family support. With family we share ideas and, for most, our family is a ‘soft place to land’ when things get tough. Then there is also the relationship support we get from a romantic partner in our life.

These are great support systems, if you have it, but not all of us do. And that kind of support is much different than the support we get from our girlfriends. All three have a different purpose and a different effect on our lives.

I am blessed with having a close ‘inner sanctum’ of friends who I love dearly. They are there for me when I need them, and they are unfailing.

Man is always looking for someone to boast to; woman is always looking for a shoulder to put her head on ~ Henry Louis Mencken

Men form their relationships differently, usually around the ‘bonding’ over cars, fishing and sports. Sometimes they may talk about how their personal lives are going, or their frustration with world politics. Rarely, if ever, do men talk about their ‘real’ feelings. Is it something that is at a ‘cellular’ level? Something they have been taught?

I have had many male clients who I can say, with certainty, recognized that they had a hard time sharing their emotions with the women in their lives. The main reason is usually that it exposes them, or makes them feel vulnerable. Men do not like to feel vulnerable, it is against everything they know and everything they have been taught.

I always tell my males clients that women have more respect for a man who can shed a tear, than a guy who cannot. It is sometimes even a source of frustration for the woman; it makes her feel that perhaps he doesn’t care. Of course, he cares and he does love her, but generations of men were taught not to acknowledge their feelings, to “shake if off”. As boys they were told that “men don’t cry” and “don’t be a baby”. Women, on the other hand, are encouraged to share their feelings.

Physical symptoms can appear very quickly when we “hold back” our emotions.  Illnesses, depression, and  loneliness.  But, spending time with our girlfriends, laughing, sharing, crying – whatever the moment calls for – this release actually creates more serotonin that assists and combats depression.  Feelings of well-being create a calm and happy atmosphere.

Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed ~ Albert Einstein

There is no easy solution to this difference in communication style between the sexes. I am not trying to say that our worlds and relationships would be perfect if we could change it, but there would be a significant improvement!

I always tell my female clients that it is the “man’s job to chase and the woman’s job to choose”. I love that expression, but I am sure many women won’t feel the same way. In my mind it is not sexist, and it is not meant to be looked upon that way. I feel it is part of our genetic makeup.

This is not a hard and fast rule, for I have dealt with shy men who would rather be chased, and women who would rather do the chasing, instead of waiting for him. Either way, we do figure it out somehow. It can all be very complex, but when you break it down, there is a reason for everything and how we interact with each other.

Are woman more ‘needy’ than men? In some aspects we do need our girlfriends for comfort, sharing, giggles, crying and support. We also need our families, to be supported and loved unconditionally. Again, not everyone has that privilege, or ever experiences it. And our partners, well, they bring us passion, love, and a very necessary part of life, namely physical touch.

We all need to be physically loved. It makes our worlds a little more well-rounded. Some have a preconceived notion that they are unlovable, simply because they have not ‘connected’ with one person for very long. Personally, I do not believe that a relationship should last forever and ever – it’s not for everyone. But that is only my opinion.

Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other.  Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then ~ Katharine Hepburn

I have had many relationships. From each one I learned something about myself, and how I operate – which wasn’t always a good thing. My partners also learned something about themselves, and how they operate. When it became increasingly clear that we were not on the same page anymore, we parted ways.  Some of my breakups were devastating, some were a relief, and some were just a friendly parting of two people. In this instance we thanked each other for the roles we played in each other’s lives and we moved on as friends.

It has taken me many years to realize that I may not ever have a long-term relationship in the traditional sense. Did I want one? Oh yes, I used to, simply because I believed that is what you were ‘supposed’ to do. I know now that I don’t have to beat myself up for not being like everyone else. I’ve raised my children mostly by myself; I’ve spent many years alone with the exception of a few short relationships in-between.

There was a time I truly thought that there was something wrong with me, not being able to stay in a committed relationship. In truth, I am so used to having my own space. I also work unusual hours and I travel a lot. It would be hard on any man to be able to fit into my lifestyle.

I love men. I would love to have someone to go out to dinner with, have a few laughs and enjoy a physical relationship, but I don’t want, or need to be married. I am happy with where I am in life, and I am looking forward to what life will present to me next.

Women speak because they wish to speak, whereas a man speaks only when driven to speech by something outside himself – like, for instance, he can’t find any clean socks ~ Jean Kerr

I hope you also find your ‘niche’ – not what has been expected of you, but what you truly do want. Life is not based on Cinderella or Snow White. Those fairytales make you think about where many women get their ‘fantasy relationship’ ideas from. For men, life is also not based on G.I. Joe, The Honeymooners, or Married…with Children – where a woman’s role is in the house, and the man is the boss.

Wow, talk about a conflict of scenarios. While some women are waiting for a knight in shining armor, some men are hoping to find Mrs. Cleaver – not a good start for anyone! I’m not saying that all believe it, or live it, but those who still do may end up spending a lot of time in a marriage counselor’s office, thinking that each partner is not holding up their end of the deal.

Relationships are comparable (this one is for the guys) to buying a car, putting in gas and oil, and it runs perfect. So, why do anything else? But, the car eventually runs out of gas and the oil is gone. Then the engine seizes, and they wonder why?

I have had female clients crying that their men don’t tell them they love them anymore, but still expect them to be interested in sex, after they have been ignored all day.  Well, when there is no ‘gas’ or ‘oil’ being refilled, of course the car stops working.  The same goes for any relationship, if we don’t maintain our relationships, it stops working! This goes for both sexes by the way. We need to nurture each other emotionally, spiritually and physically. Without all three these elements, the wheels of a relationship will eventually stop turning.

Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays ~ Henry Youngman

I’ve spoken to men that are incensed by the fact their partner needs to be told they’re loved. “Why?” they ask. “I already told her, she should just know it… I married her didn’t I? What more does she want from me?”

And ladies, if after a long day at work you ‘attack’ your man with every problem you’ve had that day, before he can get his shoes off, I guarantee he goes automatically ‘deaf’. And I wouldn’t blame him.

As humans we all need to vent, talk, laugh, love, cry, and be angry, sad, or frustrated. These are all normal human needs and emotions. None of these feelings are ‘negative’, as long as they are expressed in a healthy way.

If we as humans, both male and female, could dig deep within ourselves and figure out what we really do want, and not what we are told we should want, our lives would change.

About The Author: Isthemus

Isthemus is an experienced psychic advisor with her own Metaphysical Company based out of the Fraser Valley of British Columbia. A natural born empath, clairsentient, clairvoyant, intuitive Counsellor and psychic advisor. Patty still does Paranormal Investigations as well as teaching workshops on how to interpret signs. You can talk to Isthemus at

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