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The Inevitable Misery Of Clinging To Your Partner

Click Here NOW for a FREE psychic reading at PsychicAccess.comIf you wonder how a life of destruction, misery and unhappiness is most easily produced, then the answer is: through clinging. Whatever we won’t let go of, or ease up on, will eventually choke us to death, or vice versa.

Immediately note here how something in us resists these words. Some anxious, unresolved, threatened feeling rears its ugly head in defiance, declaring we will not release or ‘let go’ of anything or anyone we don’t want to. Ah! But we will, because nothing lasts forever – least of all those relationships we so dearly depend upon, or identify with, for our happiness and survival.

The reason we are often so defensive about letting go of a failed relationship, is because the seeds of doubt have usually begun to sprout, bringing with them a host of trees which bear fruit of uncertainty. We were originally driven by the thrill of a newfound excitement, but that thrill has slowly begun to change into a dreaded familiarity.

With familiarity the edges of contempt soon show themselves in minuscule ways in our discontent. We try to smile more broadly, laugh a little harder, with added sincerity, but the prickly thorns have begun the wear and tear the fabric of our make-believe, bliss-soaked relationship.

Desire always precedes the anxiety of being able to maintain a relationship’s relevant importance. Uncontrolled, unconscious desire changes frequently, without our approval or consent. We can easily recognize it when we have the inclination to change things in other people. Misery soon follows, as we allow expectation to enter the frame of reference, with our subtle demands. No good.

Anyone who loves in the expectation of being loved in return is wasting their time ~ Paulo Coelho

When this happens, the foundation has begun to slip and soon the house will crumble into the sea of bitterness, resentment, guilt or deep, purposeless regret. As we’ve allowed another person, thing or event to so distortedly color our existence, by the identified presence of that desire (needing it for our so called fulfillment or elevated happiness), so too will the disappointment serve to magnify our illusions.

We tend to add more credence to the other, while at the same time diminishing ourselves. And while thoroughly committed and devoted to the self-serving, self-vested process, suffering has now ignited at the most primal levels. Suffering only shows up when we try to escape our problematic lives through another – by the means of clinging and possessing. Do we honestly believe we can possess another human being? No. We can not.

And, do we realistically authentically believe that by clinging to someone, he or she will not leave, disappoint, betray or subject us to a host of unmentionable, repressed, insecure emotions and unexpressed hang-ups?

No one is entitled to put such an unnatural burden on someone else, expecting them to somehow complete or rescue us. No one is obligated to us in any way, method or fashion; and given enough time, we will readily come to understand the underlying significance of what these words truly imply. Whether conscious or unconscious in expression, we will not be left indefinitely with our delusional splendor. No one ever is.

Our journey through life is a solitary, yet edifying experience, no matter how many people we surround ourselves with. In the end the steps we take are ours alone to take. No other person can walk our path for us, nor can we walk the path of another. Constantly leaning on others is not advisable; it throws them off balance.

Do we actually believe that we can belong to the other in some way? Wrong. We are inherently free, and perfected in that reverently allotted freedom. We can never be fully constituted or validated by another. To embrace this falsehood ourselves, or project it upon others, is a nullifying experience.

When we see beyond self, we no longer cling to happiness. And when we stop clinging, we can begin to be happy ~ Ajahn Chah

You cannot possibly add to my happiness, nor I to yours. Happiness is fleeting, but self-sustained, self-promoted and self-projected. As many moods as there are phases of the moon, so too are we subjected to emotional tirades – roller-coasters filled to capacity with abject fears and insecurities. But, these have nothing whatsoever to do with another person, place or event. They are singularly established and maintained from within.

Along with our desire to be loved, we inadvertently also long to be appreciated, respected and made to feel ‘special.’ This motivating impetus to be adored, cherished and preferred, in time only brings to us unending despair and disappointment. For to want to be singled out, as if we are in some way specially favored, will produce circumstances of the reverse order, to remind us that the Sun shines on the just and unjust alike!

Our most natural, imbued desire is to desire nothing – for we have it all, right where we stand, without any added inference. We actually desire not so much to be loved, as to love unconditionally, all the time, for all things, in all ways, to all people. Our love is not selective or categorically designed to fit certain people, and situations.

The natural state of man is happy, until he is told he is supposed to be happy. Then the vehemently human, addictively egoistic comparison and competition begins. Who can obtain the most happiness in the shortest amount of time?

These shaded desires have been developed through many layers of repressed wants of other people, who skillfully have passed them onto us through the sheer process of environmental, biological, cultural and societal osmosis. How can we possibly know who, what and how to want what is truly best for us, if others are dictating it for us? We can’t possibly even know ourselves in any given moment, for it has perpetually not yet been revealed.

Once you stop clinging and let things be, you’ll be free, even of birth and death. You’ll transform everything – Bodhidharma

We have ideas, assumptions, beliefs, precepts, memories and delegated suppositions, but where did these come from? Why are we identifying with any specific aspect of ourselves, in this manner, when that single characteristic passes through us like water?

We are not what and who we think we are! If we maintain an outmoded idea of ourselves constantly, we are doing nothing but wasting precious,  life-supporting, sensual creative energy, holding up a fictitious representation that no longer fits the moment. We are an ever-evolving entity of sublime manifestation. We are not static like foam rubber. We are in a constantly evolving, spiraling motion, sacredly, sensually, sexually penetrative in nature, seeking to pierce that which is not yet known.

Reality supplies us with an ever-present, sanctified reflection of ourselves in fullness. We are not in need of anything or anyone. Should we choose to share our divine essence with another, it is solely because we do not want, or need anything from that particular person.

If we choose to remain unconscious and unaware of the deprivation of our soul’s yearning being sublimated for another person’s physical presence, we are simply magnifying our hiding place in the tomb of eventual destruction, because of associative, fearful clinging.

About The Author: Paula

Paula's innate metaphysical abilities, artistic talents, and entrepreneurial acumen have mixed wonderfully together to create a social media sensation, one who enjoys great popularity on LinkedIn, Instragram, Facebook, and YouTube. She dispenses not only accurate and intuitive divine wisdom but has artistic offerings that include vibrational soul paintings displayed on the internet, and she is a gifted singer and music producer as well. Her calling as a cosmic therapist led her to be the founder of MODE (Masters of Divine Essence) Cosmic Therapy Research Center, where she's published numerous books, songs and plays, and has held many workshops and seminars throughout the Southeast. She even produced her own program, The Mode of Cosmic Therapy Interactive Television Show that aired on WRTN, in Raleigh, NC, for ten years. Paula is also an avid astrologer who interprets the stars and predicts your chart energies at work. If you'd like a detailed glimpse at your own cosmic blueprint, or you have burning questions that require clear answers, Paula will employ all the tools and talents at her disposal for a reading that will dazzle and transform your life. You can find Paula at

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