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Is Your ‘Soulmate’ A Narcissistic Predator?

Click Here for a FREE psychic reading at PsychicAccess.comHe must be your soulmate, or twin flame, because he knows you so well. He has taught you so many things about yourself. Surely, this means he is ‘the one.’ I don’t think so. You might want to say something like this regarding your therapist, teacher or healer, but even then I would still be careful.

If you are constantly looking for someone to ‘get’ you, or yearning to be understood on a ‘deeper level,’ you might as well have a target on your back that says: prey. If you are so wounded and empty that you need to be constantly affirmed by another, then you need some serious healing, prolonged growth work on your Self, your inner child and your relationship with your Higher Self and Source.

Even when working with a spiritual teacher or healer, if they are doing most of the work for you, telling you all about your Self, then they are merely telling you a narrative, a story. Stories don’t solve problems, or heal. Information or data does not heal. It can point you in the right direction, but ultimately information does not heal, action does.

So if your healer, teacher, therapist or counselor is telling you all about your Self and that is all they are doing, you might want to reconsider. Reevaluate how much help you are actually getting. It is only a mental boost to receive this kind of information. In other words, your brain feels temporarily happy with the excitement of words. But it is ‘drug’ that will wear off quickly. Soon, you will then trotting off in search of another high.

The narcissist devours people, consumes their output, and casts the empty, writhing shells aside ~ Sam Vaknin

After a few years you might seek out something more long-lasting, or not. There is nothing wrong with insightful information, but all information, especially stories that make you feel better, rather than stimulate you to start thinking for yourself, reflecting, questioning, ultimately do not lead to positive change. Your healer, teacher, or therapist should be asking you questions, playing back to you the things you say, so you can truly ‘hear’ what you are saying, in order for you to do the heavy lifting yourself.

You have to figure for yourself out who you are, what you are feeling, why you are feeling it, and to re-examine your current choices, to see if they are beneficial to you, or harming you. All of this will make you more conscious and self-aware, able to participate in your own healing and your soul evolution, rather than being fed ‘feel good’ narratives, or superficial explanations.

When you are wounded inside, you are searching for, praying for. You are desperate for validation, affirmation. You feel lonely, because you are not able to be in a relationship with your Self or your Higher Power, so any person who seem to ‘get you,’ will be your savior, your soulmate, your twin flame.

When you are more of a healed, whole person, you no longer have that gaping void inside of you that is always waiting and demanding to be fulfilled. You Know your Self, you practice self-love and self-care, and you don’t need anyone to tell you who you are, because you already know. From this healed state you are now looking for someone who will truly appreciate and love who you are rather, instead of someone ‘telling you’ who you are, typically followed by ideas about who you really ‘should be,’ while they are expecting you to accept behaviors that are harmful to you.

‘Getting you’ and then ‘helping you become a better person’ are often the actions of a predator, specifically pathological narcissists. It is known as love bombing, followed by devaluing and gaslighting. Narcissism and abusive behavior are character disturbances, which can manifest as a personality disorder.

It’s okay to speak up for yourself, be assertive and refuse disrespect. It doesn’t make you a bitch. It makes you someone who is setting healthy boundaries ~ Karen Salmansohn

I believe narcissism is the new abnormal psychology trend of recent decades, replacing the concept of neurosis of Sigmund Freud’s era, and the psychological character of the world’s industrialized cultures. You can read more about this in George K. Simon’s book, Character Disturbance: The Phenomenon of Our Age. In other words, there are lots of predators out there these days, and they prey on insecure, unhealed, codependent people.

Predators are often highly intuitive. They know who to target, and how to groom them. This his proven science, and documented in the interviews and studies of rapists and pedophiles. Predators sense weakness, and they use it to get close to their chosen victims. All those compliments they give you are specifically designed to appeal to your areas of weakness, to win your trust and affection. There is nothing wrong with compliments, but they should be more like a sweet treat for dessert, not the full meal!

Too many compliments, especially too soon in a relationship (including relationships with therapists, teachers or healers) are often a sign of predatory behavior, or simply another needy person acting like a predator, because they are empty too, and need to see you smile and adore them for the wonderful compliments they are giving.

On the other hand, if people pressure you for compliments or constant declarations of ‘love’ directly, or through manipulation or emotional blackmail, by saying something like, “I need to know you love me,” that too is a red flag. These are often the manipulations of a covert aggressor who wants reassurance that you will comply with their demands.

If you cannot tell through natural behaviors, actions and choices, that someone cares for you, something is dreadfully wrong. Too often people focus only on words. “I love you, you are amazing.” But they ignore the actions. If the person is not spending quality time with you, never puts you first, ignores your requests and boundaries, or violates some of your bottom line-needs…their words of ‘love’ mean very little.

Relationship with a narcissist in a nutshell: You will go from being the perfect love of their life, to nothing you do is ever good enough. You will give your everything and they will take it all and give you less and less in return ~ Bree Bonchay

No one should talk about you, decide who you are, evaluate you, analyze you, and critique you, or compliment you, without you asking them to do so. People have all the right in the world to say how your words or behavior might make them feel, as a way of giving you feedback. In this case they are merely commenting on what they can, and cannot tolerate or accept. They are communicating their feelings and boundaries.

It can also be a way to offer loving, positive feedback, instead of destructive criticism. For example, “I think you look beautiful,” versus “You are beautiful.” When people start a sentence with you, instead of I, you have every right to set a boundary by asking them not to talk about you without your permission, and to keep their opinions to themselves. You can instead ask them to start the sentence with an “I,” in order to talk about themselves, their feelings, and their reactions to your choices and behaviors.

When people start a sentence with “you,” without your permission, they have an agenda, whether they know it, or not. “I think you look beautiful,” is more powerful, honest and authentic, than “You are beautiful”.

In the early years of my own healing and personal growth, I was very strict in this area of behavior, as I was working hard on building and nurturing my relationships with my Self, my Inner Child, and my Higher Self and Source. I found “you” statements to be very disruptive at this time. I also found that healthy, loving people had no issue with this reasonable request, and discovered that, in fact, healthy people tended to use “I” statements a lot anyway. Healthy people tend to ‘stay in their lane,’ This was a discovery that shocked me at the time!

As I grew stronger over the years, this has become less of an issue for me. So, while I now can, and sometimes will tolerate “you” statements for others, I am also acutely aware when someone speaks ‘about me,’ or ‘to me,’ without my permission. This almost always this turns out to be a red flag, indicating that I need to set very strong boundaries with that person in many areas of behavior and interaction.


About The Author: Nonna

Nonna lives in Southern California, and is a professor of psychology and a teacher of psychic development, energy work and meditation, who has recently finished her PhD. She has been a counselor for both humans and animals for thirty years, removing energy blocks through her expertise in the spiritual arts. She also has numerous years of study and practice with classic psychological therapeutic models, family work, twelve-step processes, nutritional and body/mind/spirit healing, complementary, alternative, and quantum medicine. Nonna is brilliant at unearthing the gems in every client's soul and polishing them to a fine finish. To release your own soul's sparkle, contact Nonna at PsychicAccess.com.

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