News and Views From The Psychic Access Community

Accountability Is Healing, Not Shaming

Click Here for a free psychic reading at PsychicAccess.comI could have never come this far in life all by myself, even with the help of Spirit. I needed, and still need, other skilled humans with a spiritual practice and evidence of their own balanced life, to help me see myself and my life in a way my wounded mind and psyche could have never comprehended on its own. Those mentors also gave me tools I didn’t even know existed, or if I did, I couldn’t put them to good use without their help. My spiritual teacher saved my life, more than once.

Yes, for our own sake we all need to be willing and able to receive assistance, instruction and guidance. When you are wounded, and especially when you are so wounded you don’t yet even know how wounded your are, because you have never examined your life and all you know are your wounds, Spirit can open a door for you. However you need to have the courage to step into the discomfort and do the work. And Spirit sends us humans to help us with this healing process.

Whenever we are introduced to new ideas, or encouraged to experience new feelings, it sometimes feels ‘abusive’ or ‘intrusive’ simply because we are often terrified of the unknown. This is true for most people. One may also feel distressed when a skilled therapist or spiritual teacher is, with your permission, showing you how to break down that ‘titanium wall’ you built to protect yourself from unhealed internal wounds.

It may also feel unsettling, when you allow yourself to be more open and vulnerable with a skilled teacher or healer, because in the past vulnerability led to pain. So, now you have control issues that you think are keeping you safe from harm, but are in fact only strangling you.

“The moment you take responsibility for everything in your life is the moment you can change anything in your life ~ Hal Elrod

On the other side of this, there is real abuse and malpractice, in all industries. For example, if you are being asked to do anything sexual (unless you have specifically asked for something like tantric work or sec therapy); allow yourself to be exploited; encouraged to give up material goods or wealth; advised to isolate yourself from friends and family; or instructed to recruit others…run the other way!

With whatever unhealed issues you may have, you might feel ‘attacked’ when a healer or teacher holds you accountable, by looking at the specifics of your choices, your actions, and your behaviors. There is no healing without changes in your choices, actions and behaviors. Otherwise you are simply making up another story or narrative to justify your current decisions and actions, such as “I’m a Scorpio,” or “my guides told me,” or “it’s due to a past life.”

Yes, there is spiritual magic and miracles. I am a big believer in both, and both are abundantly present in my life. However, if you are unhealed, you will not be able to tell the difference between real magic and baloney, including the nonsense you tell yourself. If you stay on a path for decades, when you are given another quantum leap in your evolution, you will also lose your bearings for a while and will have to accept and surrender to the energies that guide you, but that is another article.

Because of the pervasive modern trend that all ‘victims’ need to be coddled and compensated, any attempt to reframe a victim experience into a warrior healing journey is often attacked as a kind of ‘shaming, and sometimes even accompanied by physical or legal threats. This leaves the today’s licensed therapists and counselors in a precarious position, while the culture of victimhood is encouraged with hugs and feel good vibes, that I simply consider mutual emotional and mental masturbation.

There is nothing wrong with ‘feeling good’ after having experienced much trauma in life, however it is only a very small part of complete healing and evolution. To me self-care, accountability and personal responsibility are much better choices on one’s journey towards healing and self-empowerment, than merely consuming ‘feel good’ and ‘quick fix’ solutions.

The victim mindset dilutes the human potential. By not accepting personal responsibility for our circumstances, we greatly reduce our power to change them ~ Steve Maraboli

Why is accountability so important? First of all, accountability helps you with your self-care. It helps you be accountable whenever you habitually betray or abandon your beautiful Sacred Self. Secondly, until you ‘see’ or truly understand something, you cannot make different, better choices. Accountability helps you perceive, and feel exactly what you are doing, to your Self and to others around you.

How does one work on accountability? By yourself, it means to take an honest daily inventory. However if you are new to healing or spiritual work, your ingrained dysfunctional mind will literally not see, nor perceive, nor ‘get’ a great deal of knowledge or insight. I am still amazed, when I point out dysfunctional behaviors and actions that seem so obvious, to a ‘new’ student who is then astounded to suddenly see and perceive something that a few seconds earlier was invisible to them. The conscious mind is a powerful filter. Still, a daily inventory is a powerful tool for yourself, as well as a tool to use with a therapist or teacher. Bring that information to your sessions.

To have another human help you with your personal and spiritual evolution and growth, they will have to ask you sometimes difficult questions. For you to react like it is an interrogation or some form of ‘shaming,’ means either you are not ready to do the work, or you do not trust your teacher or healer, in which case you might want to choose someone else to work with. For any teacher or mentor to demand some hard and challenging work from you, rather than harvesting your smiles and compliments, is a courageous act of love – love for you, not love for your adoration. A teacher who challenges you risks losing you, risks your defensive attack, risk their reputation and, if it is their income, risks their very livelihood.

You cannot change what you do not know. Hard questions asked will not only reveal details and specifics to your helper, but more importantly, it slows down the mind enough for you to actually see and learn what your thinking is, what choices you made without thinking, what significant actions you took, and how you behaved to your Self and others. Then you are actually learning something!

After exposing the specifics, you are free to continue your behaviors, or start to learn how to make different choices. There is no shaming, but now there is no way you can claim, “Oh, I had no idea” or any other reasons or excuses your mind might feed you to avoid taking responsibility and avoid accountability. So, you discover you are selfish, or filled with rage, or you are a control freak. How is this shaming? It has always been there, you just didn’t recognize it, and no one had the nerve or the skill before to point it out to you.

Accountability separates the wishers in life from the action-takers that care enough about their future to account for their daily actions ~ John Di Lemme

Personally, I am always excited to discover something new about myself, because it empowers me to become a better, happier, more proud person. If someone is asking you questions about your thinking, your choices, your actions and your behaviors, they are gathering evidence… not making up stories or opinions. The only opinion that really matters is yours.

Now that you see more clearly, how do you like your choices, behaviors, and actions? Do you want to make some changes, or do you like what you learned and want to ‘own’ what you are doing? That is accountability: knowing and owning who you are, right now, through the observation and examination of evidence.

I prayed for this kind of help when I was younger. I knew I was somehow not making good choices, but I had no idea why or what my options were, and no one said anything. Mostly it was because, although I asked for help, most people responded with either a ‘hands-off’ approach, or they simply had no skills, or they would rather win my adoration than risk losing it with some tough, honest work.

Am I always right with this approach? Absolutely not. This is however how I do some of my best work, and it is also the basis of all 12-step programs: taking inventory, sharing the inventory with a human, figuring out how to make amends to your Self and others, making different choices, and changing your behaviors and actions. If you study the tenets of most religions and spiritual paths, you will probably find the practices of taking inventory and accountability in some shape or form.

Conscious choices can only come with raising your consciousness! If my practice we laugh a lot, at ourselves. We also cry, talk in tongues, remove entities, do remote healing, and so on. But mostly we work on soul evolution. And in order for your soul to evolve, you need to engage in personal growth, drawing on both psychology, as well as the psychic and metaphysical arts. The work I do is both a spiritual path and a practice.

You are the reason of your own good-luck and bad-luck; success and failure; happiness and pain. Your choices are responsible for your present. Don’t blame someone else for your sufferings or failures ~ Sanjeev Himachali

If you want to love your Self and your life more, if you want to become a clearer channel to serve Spirit (in whatever manner is asked of you), if you want to be with others who find joy and excitement in their own evolution, enlightenment, and awakening, and if you want to have some strange and wonderful metaphysical adventures, you will find the path I teach joyful, informative, exciting and challenging. You will never be bored that is for sure. You will also get hugs, but mostly from your Self and from Spirit, because those are the two most important relationships in your life.

Hugs from humans great and needed, but they are secondary. When you work with me, you are not encouraged to win admiration and respect from me as your teacher. Instead you learn to admire and respect your Self, your actions, your behaviors and your choices. That way you will be free to love and respect others, rather than trying to manipulate others to ‘love’ and ‘respect,’ you while you are empty inside. That way you will feel safe enough to be able to receive actual love and respect from others, without feeling afraid you will ‘get hurt,’ because inside you are strong, and not dysfunctionally dependent on the reactions of others to feel good about yourself. You might even make some true friends.


About The Author: Nonna

Nonna lives in Southern California, and is a professor of psychology and a teacher of psychic development, energy work and meditation, who has recently finished her PhD. She has been a counselor for both humans and animals for thirty years, removing energy blocks through her expertise in the spiritual arts. She also has numerous years of study and practice with classic psychological therapeutic models, family work, twelve-step processes, nutritional and body/mind/spirit healing, complementary, alternative, and quantum medicine. Nonna is brilliant at unearthing the gems in every client's soul and polishing them to a fine finish. To release your own soul's sparkle, contact Nonna at PsychicAccess.com.

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