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Are You An Enabler?

click here for a free psychic reading at PsychicAccess.comAre you an enabler? Enablers come in all forms. I was one. I did it to my children. I was a single mother, and guilt motivates us to think we are doing the right thing, when in fact we are only crippling the recipient. I was also a child enabled by my parents, and the road to get my head straight was long and painful. They didn’t want to say no, so being brought up in an environment where everything is handed to you as a child, creates a crippled adult.

The television series My 600-lb Life, is a good example in my opinion. The people featured in the show are basically hostages in their own beds, due to their obesity. And each and every one of them is enabled by loved ones, family or friends bringing them more, and more unhealthy food. These people cannot go to the store themselves anymore, and yes, they may have eaten their way to where they are, but with the help of their enablers they are continuing to gradually destroy themselves. Is this really the answer? Because they love them and they can’t take that person being mad at them?

I’ve seen this with parent-child relationships. Guilt often compels the giving parent to give, until they bleed, and teaches the child that all they have to do is protest or create a drama, and they get their way. The results can be devastating.

So, this is why codependent relationships flourish. Unhealthy to the point killing someone with kindness happens every day in many ways. Where do we draw the line? It is never about the enabled. It is about the enabler. It makes them feel good to make the other person feel good, or to avoid conflict. Some allow, in their misery, to become like an old shoe, such a comfortable fit they cannot imagine any other way of being. There are those that thrive on someone leaning on them and they make sure it stays that way.

If they keep coming back to you, it isn’t love. It is because you made yourself an easy option. The moment the thing they truly want becomes less difficult to obtain is when you will realize that your worth was on sale ~ Shannon L. Alder

Not long ago, it was reported in the media that a judge handed a ten month probationary sentence to a 16-year-old who killed four people and injured seven, while driving intoxicated. His psychologist’s report stated that he suffers from “affluenza.” Wealth and privilege had kept him from understanding the consequences of his actions!

After reading about this case, I kept feeling the bile rise in my throat. Have we really arrived at a place where people who are privileged just ‘don’t know any better,’ and therefore they cannot be held accountable? Have we, as a society, really come to this? It was clear to me that the judge, in this case, sympathized with the ‘plight’ of this young man.

In another case, a young man who raped a woman behind a dumpster, was given a six month sentence, because in the words of his own father, “Why should he have his entire life ruined over twenty minutes of action?” The judge obviously agreed. The judges in both these cases are clearly enablers.

Are you an enabler out of guilt? My mentor taught me that we enable others so we don’t have to feel badly about having to disappoint them. We don’t want to feel bad, and we don’t want them to be mad at us either. We try to keep the peace. We don’t want to get into an argument with them. We fear saying no and having someone dislike us, or be angry at us. So, although we don’t really want to enable them, we do it anyway. Is it for the right reasons? Never.

An enabler doesn’t want their loved one to endure conflict, so they manage it on their behalf or make up excuses for their behavior. From the mind of an addict who’s only thinking about their next fix, this is a godsend ~ Jeffrey Juergens

The moment you stop giving to the enabled person, you are helping them to heal. It will probably not appear that way at first. Expect them to push back, hard. Remember, everything they used to say to manipulate you always worked before, didn’t it? So, they will keep trying all the same tactics. When their anger or frustration rises, so will their emotional attacks. Stand your ground.

Remember, if you give in, it is just to make you feel better, it is not really to help them. You can offer them contact information for support groups or rehabilitation services. You can assist them in finding the professional help they truly need. But do not spend a lifetime giving them band-aids, in the form of money or attention, to no avail.

If you want someone that you have been enabling to change, you must change your own behavior first. They often didn’t get there by themselves.


About The Author: Isthemus

Isthemus is an experienced psychic advisor with her own Metaphysical Company based out of the Fraser Valley of British Columbia. A natural born empath, clairsentient, clairvoyant, intuitive Counsellor and psychic advisor. Patty still does Paranormal Investigations as well as teaching workshops on how to interpret signs. You can talk to Isthemus at PsychicAccess.com.

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