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From Victim To Survivor To Soul Evolution

click pic for a free reading at PsychicAccess.comThe process of healing begins with psychological healing, which can then be carried forward to become transformational and contribute to your soul evolution. The original traumatic event or circumstances are experienced as a wound, as it should be. The pain of the occurrence is meant to be a lesson.

To shut this down by being stoic, or to minimize what happened to you, or your family, or your race, or to sugarcoat the experience with so called ‘positive thinking’ are the actions of a victim in denial. To feel the pain, to go through it and come out the other side is the journey of a warrior. This is where you start.

You set up this lesson before you ever incarnated. As a soul, working with your sacred group, and with guidance, you pre-determined these circumstances to create an amazing opportunity to forward your evolution as a soul. Accept what happened, which means don’t fight it, don’t deny it, go through the experience, feel it. Let it affect you, shape you, change you, challenge you.

Victim Stage

If you have a legal battle ahead of you for something such as rape, you will have to stay in victim (or victim survivor) mode as that is what the legal system demands. In fact, you will have to emphasize damage done to you in order to win your case. Even when one must call the police to come to a situation, law enforcement officers counsel people to say, for example, “I think I saw a gun.” This is done in order to get the police out in a timely manner and get it on record. Law enforcement is so overwhelmed that they have to prioritize which calls to respond to. Sadly the same is true for the courts. Emphasizing the danger you are in, or the harm you suffered, is a necessary strategy for legal battles, however, it is no way to continue living your life once the battle is done.

Healing means, first off, to feel your feelings. Writing, venting, participating in survivor groups, or working with anyone trained in healing, taking inventory, or shadow work are all necessary. Victims always struggle with shame, and shame needs other human witnesses at some point, no matter what, to alleviate the shame.

While healing you are further allowed to blame others, be unreasonable, express hate, vengeance, remorse, and self-hate.  Some believe if you express these things you will manifest them, which unfortunately sends many people into denial or repression. As if the Universe, Source, does not know the difference between venting to heal, versus an intention to manifest something! Seriously, do we underestimate the intelligence of Source that much? Those who believe this are not working with allowing Source to be in charge of their life,; they are running their life from ego and limited belief systems.

Survivor Stage

The next stage is moving into survivor mode, which is a step up from victim. Here you learn recovery skills, how to get on with your life, and how to improve your life skills, such as learning to set boundaries, how to recognize predatory behavior, how to move on from self-blame or self-hate, and so on. Here you learn to work with a Higher Power or expand your spiritual practice, if you already have one. In survivor mode you will still have feelings, lots of them, and often a mix of old and new as you are transitioning.

Survivors learn from other survivors and this is an excellent time for sharing, and reading in order to learn new skills and new perspectives. You will have to have the courage to practice new behaviors, which can be scary. I have never heard of anyone making a great deal of progress as a survivor by working alone.  Again, choose carefully whom you work with and avoid fake positive thinking and superficial slogans. Group work is the safest, because you will hear a variety of stories and solutions, and you can use what is relevant to you and leave the rest. Hearing a large variety of stories will expand your perspective.

In the survivor stage you are extremely vulnerable and may be working with just one person. If it is the ‘wrong’ person, it can cause quite a bit of damage, rather than progress. Personally, I am against using affirmations, positive thinking, forcing forgiveness, gratefulness, and so on. I believe one needs to be honest. With honesty, deeper feelings will have the space to emerge and show themselves to you, by moving from the unconscious to the conscious. You cannot make different choices if the current choices and feelings are hidden in the unconscious.

As you work with expressions of honesty, Spirit or Source will move your emotions and your energy field into newer places, such as forgiveness, gratefulness, acceptance and serenity. To try and ‘change’ your emotions by yourself (which is impossible) means you are simply using your left brain and your ego to (unconsciously) conform to the belief systems of your culture (church, family, spiritual community) which is another level and layer of denial. Feel your feelings as you develop skills, and let Source shift your feelings for you, as you do the work of being honest.

As long as there is still a lesson to learn, you will have feelings! Shortcut that and you can bet the lesson will come back again, so you can fully learn the whole lesson. step one in all 12-step programs is: Came to believe a power greater than myself can restore me to sanity. Nowhere is it stated: Came to believe I could figure out my own healing and change my own feelings.

Stating that a Higher Power will lead you to sanity versus you (or your therapist or spiritual workshop leader) will lead you to sanity (or even healing) is the difference between mainstream psychology and spiritual healing. Sadly, most spiritual healers have no psychological training or education (either formal or self-educated) and most psychological counselors do not have a spiritual practice, nor can they work with the energies of Source, nor are they clairvoyant enough to see and understand your journey as a soul.

Soul Perspective Stage

The final step is the part of the journey ignored by so many, namely your soul evolution. How could those apparently harmful (even damaging) events in your past possibly be part of your spiritual path? Why on earth would you have chosen and designed these horrible events to happen to you in this life? Note that it is not due to karma, as it is commonly thought of, meaning you did not choose this to happen, because you were a bad or evil person in a past life.

You cannot skip the learning and feeling part of your lessons and jump right into the soul transformation work. The learning part is the ‘meant to be’ part and that means doing the feeling work and the learning new skills work first, before moving into learning about the soul evolution aspects. Typically, on big issues, it is at least a year before you can tackle soul evolution work. On smaller issues, it might be months.

Looking at trauma (whether acute or chronic) in the context of your life path can be done a number of ways. If you have a strong (silent) meditation practice and a great deal of surrender and acceptance to working with the energy of Source (meaning you do not hear a guide talking to you, using words)  you can be shown how these traumatic events or situations have changed you as a person and a soul, for the better. This can come as visions, or dreams, or epiphanies that arise when you are not thinking about the subject, meaning when your left brain is not involved in ‘figuring out’ what happened, why it happened, and what it all means.

I emphasize silent meditation, because in the silence you can be sure you are open to the energies of Source without the interference of your imaginative mind. In silence you can tell when you are thinking up a cool narrative, as opposed to feeling or thinking ‘nothing’ and then somehow later you have a knowing that is from Source. You can also work with a spiritual teacher who is a mystic, who can summon up energies (not create
narratives with words) to assist you in being contacted, communicated with, or somehow shifted by the energies of Source. Energy is the language of Source.

Before the arrival of the digital age, it was difficult to find spiritual teachers. So, if you were meant to find one, you did. And there were no online certifications. There were no certifications at all. These days the ‘market’ is inundated with so-called teachers and you have to have a great deal of discernment to discover who or what these ‘certified’ people really are. So many of them are wounded people caring for others to make themselves feel better, or now go into business because it is an easy way to make money, using their so called ‘gift’ without having to study or practice anything. Instead they just ‘share their gift.’ Use discernment. Ask questions. Do they have an actual practice? Find out what healing and education have they done for themselves, and so on.

We all come here with a destiny we pre-arranged, via our free will, before we incarnated. We all choose a life lesson for this incarnation as well. Then we set up the path and the lessons and once born we use our free will to navigate the course we set up for ourselves. Therefore the injuries, traumas, and other unpleasant circumstances you encounter were established for your own benefit, your growth, your enlightenment, your evolution.  This is hard to accept when you are in the healing and recovery phase of some traumatic event or circumstance. Moving into the perspective of your life path, however, will take you beyond healing, into true amazement at the beauty of the lesson and its complexity and synchronicity.

Let’s say you came here with a destiny to be a unique spiritual worker, with a life lesson learning to be a pioneering leader.  You might therefore create a childhood where maybe your mother is psychotic and your father is murdered. Your family is forced to relocate every few years for over a decade. Psychologically you will have to deal with abandonment issues, attachment issues, lack of boundaries due to an unstable mother, loss of confidence in following the guidance of others (of which you have none in your childhood), and more.

Later, after healing and recovery regarding your childhood, and in your soul perspective stage of healing, you will see the beauty in how that childhood set you up to seek Spirit from a young age, because earth made no sense to you and was unstable.  And you will see how your childhood forced you into your lesson of developing leadership, rather than depending on the opinion of others. This is a very short and simplistic example of a complex process.

This is the path of spiritual evolution, where life serves Spirit and you begin to live more in multi-dimensions as a soul and a warrior tackling the challenges you set up for yourself in this life. All learning (or lack thereof) in this life will travel with you when you translate. What you do not learn in this life, you will set up in another life… to take it on again. In each life you will learn, either by jumping in as a warrior taking on the course of your life, or letting the circumstances of life teach you. Remember, no choice, is still a choice.

About The Author: Nonna

Nonna lives in Southern California, and is a professor of psychology and a teacher of psychic development, energy work and meditation, who has recently finished her PhD. She has been a counselor for both humans and animals for thirty years, removing energy blocks through her expertise in the spiritual arts. She also has numerous years of study and practice with classic psychological therapeutic models, family work, twelve-step processes, nutritional and body/mind/spirit healing, complementary, alternative, and quantum medicine. Nonna is brilliant at unearthing the gems in every client's soul and polishing them to a fine finish. To release your own soul's sparkle, contact Nonna at

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