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True Love Comes Full Circle

Get a free psychic reading at PsychicAccess.comWhen you feel a love connection with someone, why don’t things just automatically fall into place? Shouldn’t falling in love be easy and simple? For most, it is not, and the reasons vary.

A child only instinctively knows to fear falling and loud noises. Everything else is taught to us by our parents, culture, education system, media, and authority figures in our community. They are the ones that put values upon us, teaching us what is important, and what is not. Whether you agree with them or not, you absorb it, and more often than not mimic it. I often hear people say “I am nothing like my mother and father!” And yet, they emulate traits of their parents, especially the ones they dislike the most.

Love should be easy, but when it is not, perhaps it is because you have some work to do yourself. We co-create our relationships. If it is toxic, we each have a role. Difficult relationships are challenging and we all go through them – some more than others. I myself walked into an extremely toxic relationship thinking it was going to be an epic romance!

I believe romance novels have set us up for failure since a young age. I used to read them, and so did my friends. I’ve also watched many friends and clients go through a repetitive romantic process, in which they firmly the person they aligned themselves with is their one true love. Period. No matter what.  And everything about that person that may bother them, or make them feel insecure, will only make them work harder to stay.

True love is eternal, infinite, and always like itself. It is equal and pure, without violent demonstrations: it is seen with white hairs and is always young in the heart ~ Honore de Balzac

Romance novels all seem to have the same theme. It’s always about a man who treats a woman with disdain. This is then looked upon as, “Oh, he must really like her!” It is similar to when your mother told you the boy in school who bullies you, must like you. I assume this is no longer the norm as far as parental guidance goes, but it was back in my day! What a horrible message we have been given, not just by our parents, but by society as a whole. You are the weaker sex, so don’t act strong, or he’ll hate you, because you’ll emasculate him. The female character usually acts angry and aloof, mostly at herself for she knows she is withdrawing onto someone more palatable for him. Yet, she is attracted all at the same time.

The male character then continues to speak to her in the most insulting and demeaning way. Eventually he makes her cry, so that he can come to her rescue. Or maybe she has gotten herself into some sort of disaster, as is to be expected. Then he professes his undying love and changes his whole manner in order to create a fairy tale ending in which the couple live passionately and happily ever after. All the bad things said or done are instantly forgiven, and he is no longer the same man she loathed in every encounter with him.

I have had friends over the years that would absorb these books with such voracious appetites that these scenarios were literally burned into their psyche. This is what real love is, they believe. If he treats me badly, but there is an attraction, he must be the one for me. But there is no realism to these stories, and they have taught an entire generation of women that if a man is abusive, misogynistic and sexy, he’s a keeper.

This fantasy of dramatic love is however not the only reason women choose certain men. Many times it is a combination of this fictitious priming and their past experiences, which keep them from choosing wisely – at least it was for me.

If a love connection is not easy, one or both people may not be ready to freely or openly carry through with that vibrating connection. It may not be because of a mismatch, but rather because they are not in the right place in their lives to complete the connection. I certainly was not, for I had experienced a soul-crushing heartbreak, so I took what I thought was the safer route.

Some, like myself, back in the day, saw the man that was standing in front of me as a good friend and solid loving individual. But I was not ready or able to openly love him romantically. I saw him as my ‘best buddy’ at the time, and so enjoyed his company. I felt safe with him, cared for, and respected. At no time did he ‘cross the line’ or tell me that he wanted more. To be honest, if he had, I probably would have turned him down. I was content with the way things were.

True love doesn’t happen right away; it’s an ever-growing process. It develops after you’ve gone through many ups and downs, when you’ve suffered together, cried together, laughed together ~ Ricardo Montalban

Today, I know that loving him would have been dangerous for me, and even worse for him. Feelings would have been involved and I did not want to get hurt, nor hurt him. I had already been through a relationship that devastated me. It just seemed safer for me to be with a man who wanted me as a ‘prize.’ My feelings for him were surface at most, how easy would that be? It was not, but that was how I operated. I did not know any better at the time.

I was just starting my career in the Correctional Services at the time I was friends with John. I was a single mother and was solely focused on my new career. The birth of my daughter and the disaster of a relationship that I had left behind me, left me bitter, and those around me constantly reminded me that I had a ‘I-hate-men vibe.’ My attitude towards the opposite sex was less than welcoming.

I was devastated by the first love of my life. I had carried his child, but he decided he did not want to be a father. I chose to keep her and raise her myself with absolutely no help from him. He was from a wealthy family and my pregnancy was viewed by them as my ‘ticket’ to his fortune. But I took nothing from him, nor asked anything from him. And I spent the rest of my life proving I was not out for any man’s money, or help.

There were grave consequences to my independence and strength, for the next phase of my life pulled in men that took advantage of my good nature. They were more than happy to let me provide for them. Love had devastated me and I wanted nothing to do with it. So, I preferred to call the shots. Was this a good time to align myself with someone that very obviously loved me? No, it would have destroyed us both.

Having John as a friend, was where it would stay. He was solid, he was supportive and we hung out whenever he was in town. He was in the military at the time. He stood by me, being supportive and honoring our friendship. It was during that time period I introduced him to my best friend from school, inviting them both over for dinner one night, and they hit it off. I was pleased for them. I adored John and wanted him to be happy, and I thought he was.

Around that time, I got involved with Dave, who was shallow, cold, and took self-centered to a whole new level. Looking back, I realize Dave was a safe bet, for he couldn’t hurt me. I do not believe I was ever in love with him. Dave was also a Correctional Officer, so we had common ground. Looking back that is all we had. A few months after we started dating, Dave was transferred to another institution, in another province. Soon he proposed and I packed up my belongings to follow him. We married a short time later. It lasted only eight months.

True love is not a strong, fiery, impetuous passion. It is, on the contrary, an element calm and deep. It looks beyond mere externals, and is attracted by qualities alone. It is wise and discriminating, and its devotion is real and abiding ~ Ellen G. White

The day I was moving, John and my school friend drove with me to British Columbia. My mother has mentioned many times over the years, “I have never seen a man as devastated as John packing your things in that trailer, to move you a province away to marry another man. But he did, and he did it out of love for you.”

John was still involved with my high school friend, so all was well. So I thought. I was too self-absorbed to realize that this was not quite the case. She eventually became pregnant and they had a short-lived marriage. Both of us married others, but went on to always think of each another over the years.

Of course, losing touch with each other had to happen. We both needed to let our lives unfold. After my high school friend, he moved on to another relationship. I also moved on to other relationships that were short-lived, abusive, and shallow. I had a lot of personal growth to do. I had deep pain and struggles to walk through. I recall thinking to myself, “Why me?”

It was my choices and the consequences of those choices that I needed to face. It had nothing to do with the circumstance, but rather the players, me being one of them. It had much to do with me being comfortable only with shallow relationships and the men I chose. They were users and manipulators, for I really didn’t think any of them were any different, and those rare ones that might be, were already taken, in my mind.

I aligned myself with men who took advantage of my good nature and sponged off me. None of them ever stopped me from being the sole provider. On the rare occasion, they may find a short-term job. They all took whatever I had to offer, always wanting more.  And I was ‘superwoman.’ I would work, build businesses, and take care of all things on both the home and business front. They had to do nothing, nor did they offer. Years later I had a brief discussion with an ex who said, “You always seemed so capable, too capable. It was intimidating.”

In fairness, I didn’t expect anything from them either. Yet, I was constantly exhausted, insecure, feeling unloved, and the bitterness and stress just grew. Funny how that happens when you won’t take stock of what motivates you to do the things you do!  Women like me tend to blame the men, when we are the ones that give them passes on their behaviors and teaching them how to treat us. We then have no right to cry about how much lack of support there is in our lives.

It may be an old cliche, but I think true love will last; it has no end. But finding the right person is a very difficult thing ~ Bruce Forsyth

In time I finally reached my rock bottom and I had no choice but to take a long, hard look in the mirror. And I finally got it. These men have shown me who they are and I chose not to believe them. I recall thinking, why could the man standing in front of me not see my worth? Well, why should he when I didn’t see my own worth? And I didn’t.

Then, reaching middle age, and after spending several years single and independent, my views of life and love changed dramatically. I now knew my worth, and I no longer aligned myself with ‘broken takers.’ I no longer wanted to be in any type of shallow relationship. I also wanted that intense attraction or connection that I could feel between other couples. I felt the beauty in it, the pulsing oneness.

It was only then that my friend John, from long ago, reappeared. Our connection was instant and real. We knew each other so well. Not much had changed from back in the day –  other than we had been through our own fires and both grew as human beings. Our vibrating connection, which I once pushed aside, was now tugging at my soul. I saw his worth, and he already knew mine.

Love like this may only come once in a lifetime, but the lesson in all of this is, we must do our work. We must walk through our own fires, we must look at ourselves, our roles, our views before we can truly share ourselves with someone.

Now, for the first time in my life, I can love unconditionally.  I have a man in front of me whom I truly trust, who ‘gets me’ on a soul level, who would never take advantage of my good nature, nor me his. I am now finally ready to share my life with him, and he with me. Three decades of history between us, has put us both in a different space and we now are moving through life hand-in-hand. I feel blessed to have been given a second chance with the only man who ever loved me in the way that I know I deserve now. I’ve done my work, and he has done his.

So, if you think it is not possible to find real love, believe it is there for you too. The timing isn’t always our own. The Universe moves in strange ways, and sometimes you just have to trust that the right person at the right time will show up in your life… no matter how much time had passed.

About The Author: Isthemus

Isthemus is an experienced psychic advisor with her own Metaphysical Company based out of the Fraser Valley of British Columbia. A natural born empath, clairsentient, clairvoyant, intuitive Counsellor and psychic advisor. Patty still does Paranormal Investigations as well as teaching workshops on how to interpret signs. You can talk to Isthemus at

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