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Know The Man, Know The Woman

Click here to get a free psychic reading at PsychicAccess.comYou have finally met the partner of your dreams. Things are going well. You have been consistently dating for a few months. Your new lover is meeting all your criteria and needs. Your beloved is attentive, communicative, dedicated, steadily employed, loving, and overall everything that you could want in a person.

You have fantasized and visualized ad infinitum that this person is coming into your life and finally, you have found them! You no longer have to endure the dating scene or online window shopping, ghosting and pain. Life is good!

Then my phone rings. The client on the other end of the phone wants to know where things are going with their significant other. “What does the future hold for us?” they ask, “Please tell me what you see.” I then tell them what I feel, see and hear. But I begin by getting to the truth that they are concealing.

The greatest happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved; loved for ourselves, or rather, loved in spite of ourselves ~ Victor Hugo

“Have you recently had a fight?” I might inquire. “Yes,” she might flatly answer, knowing that this is the real cause of the issue and why she is calling, as if hiding the fact that they have fought and broken up will somehow fix this. However, its also understandable, because she want it to go away, and just be okay.

My second question might then be, “During this fight did your significant other tell you that they feel that they can’t give you what you need?” “Yes,” she answers with a flatter attitude. con“Great, this is exactly where we need to begin!” I am excited because this is the beginning of a great relationship that I feel and am being guided to tell her can be saved. There is one caveat, I will tell her: “Know the man. Know the woman. Intimately and without your ideas of who they should be.”

This is probably one of the biggest transgressions in love, dating and relationships. We overlook the fact that our significant other we are madly in love with, and see ourselves having a future of four children, a dog, cat and house with, is actually their own, individual person. They are not a projection of what we want, what we expect and what we demand. If you do not know the man or woman, you can rest assured that this relationship will most likely take a turn for the worse, and end.

For example, I have a client whose boyfriend recently broke up with her. He told her that they are not good together. He specifically said, “Our crazy doesn’t match well.” When she pressed him for answers, he told her that based on their history, and his recent lay-off from work, the way that she has treated him, the verbal attacks, the jealousy and threats to end her life, were more than he can handle. He did not want to babysit someone else’s emotions, be responsible for what she feels, and especially didn’t need to be kicked when he was out of work.

I asked her why she felt it necessary to speak to him in a way in which he wanted to recoil. She said that she felt he was being a baby and that she felt he needed to stop acting as if this were the end of the world, and do something about it. She missed the fact that this is how he processes his pain and grief. She also missed the fact that she also becomes childlike when she feels she is losing, when she threatens to take her own life. She doesn’t want to die, she wants attention and love and affection. But while he is processing she has no patience for his needs. Everything had to be about her.

She refused to see any of this. She repeated over and over again that she felt she was entitled to have him treat her differently, and if he didn’t, then she would break up with him. Except he beat her to the punch, since they were already broken up. I told her that is probably a good idea if you do not want to know the man and accept him as he is.

There’s no substitute for a great love who says, ‘No matter what’s wrong with you, you’re welcome at this table ~ Tom Hanks

She was silent for awhile. She struggled with her feelings. She is in love with him. This is the man she wants. Why can’t he just do what she wants? Because she is pushing it on him, demanding it from him and in turn pushing him away. We had only a few minutes left before the call ended and I said, “If you want him, you will understand him and what he needs. Tell him you get it, that this is his way of grieving and that you have been wrong to push him in a tone that is mean and controlling. Promise to be aware and that you will not do that anymore. Allow him to feel his grief.”

I finished by explaining that people flee from those who press down on them. Letting him be who he is, allows him to show you what he can become. He is not her idea of who she wants him to be, he is who he is. When two people come together in love, that is when we see miraculous changes in both individuals as they accept the other and help them raise their vibration.

Threatening suicide is very serious. Bringing this pressure down on her man was intentional. If she really did mean to end her life (which she admitted she did not) she needed to call a hotline or a therapist to discuss what is behind this need to threaten her life.

In the first year of a relationship, we are learning about the person we are with. They show us their patterns, their spoken and unspoken language of love, their needs and desires – and they are often not clear. It is like learning to speak another language, but it’s an energy language. It’s a language we learn by osmosis, participating in someone’s life with them, and it’s an honor for them to show us themselves. If relationships can get to year two or three they have a good chance of making it long-term, as long as the other understands and knows their significant other and know that they are supported.

If you’re with someone to just fill space, you’re vampiring energy – another persons energy. And in most cases you’re going to be disappointed. You also rack up some karma, because you knowingly are using someone. Not a pretty outcome.

You don’t love someone because they’re perfect, you love them in spite of the fact that they’re not ~ Jodi Picoult

It also works the opposite way. In a couple of years we may begin to see that we do not see that person as long-term after all. We do not speak up and discuss the flaws that we feel are dangerous, or help them to overcome them. Sometimes we need to shut people down and not feed their demon. That demon quickly disappears if it is a superficial fear. It’s also a way of letting someone know that we will not put up with that and if they continue, they know the relationship is going to end.

Harsh? Not really. Loving? Yes, actually, very loving. Because your shit is just that, shit. Love just loves and it heals, and it wants to heal others and vibrate to a higher divine vibration. Relationships will be exactly what you make them. They can be a prison, or they can be a safe place that offers freedom for your spirit to be and express in this world where it could not be otherwise. For people who want to fly, you will not be allowed to break their wings. They will leave you. They will not put up with your ugly.

It is our job to look within, to allow our relationships to be a healthy mirror of ourselves and learn from them and heal our pain. If you do not want to change this, that’s okay too, but your motivation of being a better person is inspired by your significant other that you profess to love. What better motivating factor when you can safely be vulnerable and admit that your fear is one of loss, of not being loved and not being lovable?

Don’t be afraid to see your beloved and do not fear your own demons. They are like toothless lions, paper-dolls that we bring to life, believing that they are real. They are not. They are only beliefs that can be altered, changed and dissolved. Know your inner power and know that when you align with that power, you can do anything, including change yourself to understand and know the man or woman. In doing so, you heal them, heal yourself, and you heal others because you will tell your story. Love is the law.

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