How To Truly Help Others Without Ego

As a spiritual or metaphysical practitioner there is no substitute for having a spiritual mentor or teacher of your own to guide you. People typically tend to continue the same ego-driven behaviors in their lives, over and over, not catching it. They can’t catch it without practice and guidance from someone who can help them see the nuances of slipping back into ego-dominated behaviors.

In other words, a workshop or certification course, or reading some articles and books, and then practicing on your own, typically will not offer you much success in personal transformation or your field of work. As Einstein said, you cannot solve problems with the same mind, i.e. mindset, paradigm, consciousness, level of awareness, that created the problem in the first place. This is why people go to 12-step meetings, psychotherapy, support groups or work with a mentor, guru, or teacher – to get viewpoints, input, suggestions, guidance from other people who are also on a journey.

A best friend is not really a good option in this regard, because the friendship will suffer if one acts like a true teacher, offering challenges along with support, and not just feeding your friend with reassurances, or staying within an acceptable storyline, which is what friends tend to do.  Friendships cannot withstand the types of communications one needs to have with a teacher, or the kind of blowback that occurs when one is challenged by a teacher.

Let no man in the world live in delusion. Without a Guru none can cross over to the other shore ~ Guru Nanak

Friendships stay within the boundaries of saying ‘nice things’ to keep the friendship functioning. You and your friends are attracted to each other, because you are already level on the same playing field. We attract in friendship and love only what we can currently handle. With our friends and lovers we expect to ‘feel love’ in the ways our ego currently needs and desires.

You are an energy field, a soul, in a body, having a human experience. And because you agreed to incarnate into a body, at some point you do have to deal with your humanity. In other words, you have to care for your body, learn to set boundaries, earn a living, learn about how to be a great parent, spouse or lover, heal your childhood, and take responsibility for your enormous ego, as well as implement an actual spiritual practice (not just gossip with ‘guides’ and friends). Working with the Divine energetic language of Source is different than ‘chatting’ with your so-called spirit guides. Using a verbal language you can understand as a means of spiritual conversation, means those ‘spirit chats’ are staying within a reality you already know. It is not presenting you with something you don’t know – a completely new vibration, a new reality. It is similar to conversations with friends being different to conversations with a spiritual teacher or guru.

Only when you are able to maintain a regular and profound spiritual practice, will you be able to achieve a deep level of ego detachment that will allow you to become humble enough to truly ‘listen and hear’ by receiving the language of Source via the Divine silence of meditation. This level of spiritual practice will allow you to detach from your ego and the left brain. It will allow you receive accelerated and amplified lessons and insights through your practice of connecting to Source, not some internal conversation in your head. It is only at this point that you can begin to handle guidance from Source when helping others, with the assurance you are not helping others in order to assuage your lower body desires, your hungry ego or your low self-esteem.

While you are developing your practice, you can reach out to help others, but only while using mindfulness to be self-aware regarding your motivation for helping others, and keeping your ego, narcissism and neediness in check. You can start by changing your focus, your questions, and your awareness from, “I am helping someone else” … to simply paying profound attention to your attention. In other words, how are you feeling? Are you connected to your body, your anchor, so you can reach further out to Spirit without getting lost or taken over by ego or unwelcome entities? Through your connection to your body you access your own soul energy, your Higher Self, and that is intimately and innately connected to Source. Can you feel your body, can you feel your sacred soul energy? Only through that passageway of connecting, by first going into your body, your energy field, can you allow yourself to feel the connection to Source that happens the moment you connect with your soul energy.

Mentors are not there to make us ‘happy’. They are there to guide us to the best of their knowledge ~ Samira DeAndrade

Unfortunately most people do not have silent practice and cannot feel energy. Even more unfortunate is that most people only know what it feels like to leave their body. Unhealed and wounded people are typically drawn to spirituality. Unhappy in their current human life, they seek out spirituality as a way to constantly leave their body, escape their emotions, or to get away from the current life, which they originally chose while in spirit form, working with their guides, planning every phase of this incarnation.

Your soul energy is your connection to Source. When you leave your body, when you check out of who you are, you are severing the connection to your soul, you Higher Self. It is as if you are telling Source (and yourself) that this life you are living, this incarnation, is a mistake, and one you need to escape from. Severing the connection to your soul, and going out-of-body, there is no telling what you are connecting with: your imagination, your ego, other entities, other spirits?

A starting point for helping others, when you do not yet have an established spiritual practice, or path of silent meditation, is to keep the focus on you, your energy and your connection to your soul energy, which is always instantly connected to Source, while working on, or with another. By keeping the focus on you and your connection, you are allowing a bigger energy, Source, to work through you. This will also keep your ego in check and distracted by keeping the focus on your connection, rather than wondering if you are being ‘amazing.’

Keeping the focus on you and feeling the energy of your connection to soul and Source, will keep your ego from obsessing about ‘results’ and away from your investment and ego desire to achieve some recognizable results for your efforts. Keeping your ego in check by focusing on your Source connection, will help you to remember that ‘you’ are not the one doing the healing or the reading. Rather, you are working hard, concentrating, on maintaining a mindful self-awareness on your connection to Source, via your soul, so that Source can guide the healing or reading.

Whether or not you have a so called ‘gift’ or talent, you still need a spiritual practice. If someone has a great physique, but don’t take care of it, there will most likely be a deterioration of their body over time. The same principle applies to energetic gifts. I have yet to meet a balanced practitioner who does not have their own teacher. A human teacher, not just your angels or spirit guides.

The key word here is balanced. Human teachers keep you humble, challenge you, and give you healthy support (not ego-gratifying support) which may be why so many people prefer to ‘work’ instead with the ‘guidance’ of their imagination. Working with a human teacher also teaches one important social skills, such as boundaries, learning to speak up, not being intimidated or manipulated, or intimidating and manipulative.

You cannot transit wisdom and insight to another person.  The seed is already there.  A good teacher touches the seed, allowing it to wake up, to sprout, and to grow ~ Thich Nhat Hanh

So, why the resistance? After all, you did sign up to come into a body, be a human and interact with the society of your choice. Do you think you made a mistake about that when you were pure soul, planning this incarnation with your guides? Do you really think that now you are in a human body you ‘know better’ about choosing this life, compared to when you were pure energy? And will you therefore choose to continue tackling this life from your left brain, your ego, and your imagination masquerading as spirit guides and angels?

Start with you. Your primary purpose in this life… is this life – your life, your body, your energy field, your connection to soul and to Source. Once you can own that, have proper self-care in place, and have at least begun to have a personal practice for your own spiritual cultivation, then you can look at your doing-ness. Work on your being-ness first. Get your own house in order. Then, when your fate and destiny roll in, your doing-ness will be at the top of your game. You will be prepared for what will come and find you, prepared for the destiny you put in place before you ever incarnated.