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Conscious Conflict Resolution

click here to get a free psychic reading at PsychicAccess.comDealing with tension and conflict is one of the most challenging relationship dynamics anyone can deal with in life. How many times have you found yourself in a yelling match with someone you love? Or ending an argument with a friend or relative feeling miserable, and unresolve?

Getting to the root of an issue without all the drama sometimes can feel impossible. But conflict resolution is a skill, and one that can be honed with practice and patience. Here are some practical steps to help you shift from reaction, to consciously seeking resolution when faced with difficult conversations.

Be Patient

Pause and identify what you are feeling. Step back from the feeling and just observe it, as well as any thoughts that come along with the feeling. Recognize that you are not that feeling, it is merely a sensation you are experiencing. Often people will say, “I am angry.” But words are important and this indicates that you have identified with the anger. You are actually saying, “I am anger.” In reality of course, you are not anger. You are only experiencing anger.

There is always room to disagree and blame, just as there is always room to take a new perspective and empathize. Understanding is a choice ~ Vironika Tugaleva

Shifting this mindset of identifying yourself with the feeling can help to separate your rational mind, from the emotional sensation of anger (or hurt, or whichever feeling you may be experiencing). Once you are able to objectively observe your emotions and thoughts in this way, it becomes much easier to avoid reacting from them. By not reacting, you give yourself the opportunity to think about your response first, and consciously choose your course of action.

Don’t Make It Personal

Focus on your own behavior, not the other persons. You can only control your own words and actions. Many people have a knee-jerk reaction to lash out when they are hurt. This manifests in all sorts of ways, but the purpose is the same: to make the other person feel as hurt as they feel in that moment. Words and actions coming from this space are designed to get a reaction out of the other person. Ironically, most often they get the opposite reaction the person is actually looking for. For example – in threatening to break up with someone you don’t wish to separate from, you may be hoping they will suddenly change their position in order to ensure they don’t lose you. Instead, being backed into a corner, that person is likely to push back. When someone tries to get a rise out of you during a tense exchange or argument, gently bring the focus on the actual issue that needs to be discussed. Identify the feelings this brings up in you and acknowledge them, but don’t allow the other person to ‘poke’ you into reacting from a place of emotion. Understand that they may not have identified this behavior in themselves and have compassion for them.

Listen And Acknowledge

Listening is probably the most important of all. Listening means actually hearing what the other person is saying, and processing it within yourself. This is not the same as listening to what they are saying and formulating an argument against it. If someone is expressing their experience, it is their experience. Period. Arguing against that experience essentially invalidates their feelings and perception.

You cannot control another person’s feelings or perception. People may hold ideas or have thoughts that you find very hurtful, but it is important to honor them as you would want someone to honor your truth. Listen to the other persons experience, then paraphrase it back to them to ensure that you actually understood. Ask questions to clarify if you’re not sure about something they said. Do not judge or scold here.

Note that this could go either way. Perhaps it is yourself who begins this exchange and that’s okay too. The important thing is to understand that some people may need to have their position heard before they are able to hear your position. Just offering acknowledgement in this way can work magic in de-escalating and argument.

The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn’t being said. The art of reading between the lines is a lifelong quest of the wise ~ Shannon L. Alder

Share With Compassion

Once you have acknowledged the other person and their experience, ask to share your own experience. This is where it’s important to focus on your own feelings, and experiences – without seeking to blame or fault. It’s not about asking the other person to change, but rather, letting them know how certain behaviors make you feel.

If someone is aware that a behavior is hurtful to you, and continues to act that way, it then becomes your responsibility to set boundaries and to enforce them. If those boundaries are routinely violated and your experience is being invalidated, this is where you must evaluate if the friendship or relationship is adding value to your life, or not.

Be Solution-Focused

Remind yourself that the purpose of this exchange is to find a solution. Stay focused on the purpose of the conversation and consciously stay on topic. This can be surprisingly difficult, especially when emotions are high. Do not engage in any comments which are not constructive to the conversation, and be concise yourself. Basically – say what you mean, and mean what you say. Integrity is key here.

Conflict is not easy. These steps take practice and focused effort, but can have an incredible impact on the intimacy and communication in your relationships. Remember that everyone is coming from their own level of consciousness, perception and understanding. This means that you will not always be on the same page as others in your life, but learning to communicate through the challenges can help us find common ground. Even when our differences are profound. Be kind, and forgive easily.

About The Author: Seraphim

Seraphim's natural Clairvoyant, Clairaudient, and Empathic abilities to receive messages and connect with Spirit first came to the fore in early childhood. Upon discovering her mom's Tarot deck, not long after her death, Seraphim was led on a journey that helped her to explore her vast gifts. Seraphim continues to receive steady guidance and messages directly from her Spirit Guides and Angels, and has maintained a steady and successful private practice based in Edmonton. She remains very active in her spiritual community, and often is called upon to lead local events. Self-taught, she's mastered Tarot Reading and a powerful technique called "Eye-Gazing" that allows her to convey precise information to the client. She works with "The Sacred Art of Creation", leading empowered women's circles that facilitate self-healing, manifestation and alignment. If you'd like a reading with a compassionate reader who can both hear and convey direct messages from Spirit Guides and Angels, you can find Seraphim at

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