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The Truth About Dating Mr. Wrong

click here for a free psychic reading at PsychicAccess.comSome guys will say and do anything possible to get laid, and that includes lying about their intentions. So will some women.

This article is an attempt to cover a small portion about a very large and vast subject. It is not meant to villainize men, or women. There are some fabulous, wonderful and loving people who would love to be in a relationship with you. They will love you and embrace you, for you. The trick is finding them.

The way we find these wonderful people is by first being able to weed out the egotistical energy vampires and abusers. The other trick is to be honest with yourself about who you are, what you are looking for, what you need, and what you want.

Women sometimes think just because a guy tells them what they want to hear means that they must be interested. Not true. If you lay out all your hopes, dreams and fantasies, believing that a guy will fulfill them before actually really getting to know him, he will most likely only use them to get you in bed.

Yes, sad but true. There are many guys you will find on a dating site that have absolutely no interest in knowing you, or they will pretend that they do, and once they get you in bed, they are gone. Some guys will just use you for sex on their terms and their time lines, and they don’t care a lick about you.

Online dating is just as murky and full of lemons as finding a used car in the classifieds. Once you learn the lingo, it’s easier to spot the models with high mileage and no warranty ~ Laurie Perry

So, pay attention. What may seem like a perfect man is just a slick guy who used your own wants and needs to get you in the sack. He will just never call again, once he got what he wanted.

If you want to avoid the pain of empty dating, watch for the following signs, as they will reveal to you a guy who just wants sex, and doesn’t want a relationship with you at all.

Lack Of Interest

He doesn’t ask questions about you. Guys who want to get laid don’t really want to know you as a person. They just ask superficial questions, get you talking, then cut to the chase. So, when a guy is not asking questions about you, the things you like, the things that you do, your hobbies, your family and interests, he probably just wants one thing from you (unless he is really shy and inexperienced).

Listening Skills

A guy that wants a relationship with you will also be a good listener. When a guy truly hears you, he will show it in his actions, and his conversations with you. He will remember the little things and will outwardly show you that he remembered. A slick guy won’t spend the time getting to know you. You’re too much trouble to him, if he has to put in time and effort. For just one of you, there are ten others that will fall for his antics and wind up getting hurt.

Signs Of Infidelity

Is he married? Is he dating someone else? Does he go ‘missing in action’ for periods of time and turn his phone off? Does he have excuses for not texting you during the evenings and weekends? Are his weekends always busy? Does he live within 45 minutes driving distance from you, or as much as a few hours away? After a few dates with him does he suddenly stop communicating as frequently as he once did?

When a guy does any of the above, it’s a sign that they may be in another relationship, or two. Cheaters aren’t looking for a new wife or Ms. Right – they’re only looking for sex.

Family And Friends

He doesn’t want to meet or hang out with friends or family. If he has no interest in meeting your friends or family, and only wants to hang out with you alone, be on your guard and assume that he’s only trying to have sex with you. Guys who want a relationship will want to meet your friends and family, because they want to get a better idea of who you really are.

Whenever I date a guy, I think, “Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with? ~ Rita Rudner

Online Dating

You met him on a dating site or app. Yes, we all hear about the couples who met on this or that app, who got married. But why is it that we don’t know any of them personally? Get real, a lot of these apps and free dating sites were designed for people to ‘hook-up.’ Don’t kid yourself. Real dates are probably not the rule, it’s the exception. If you meet that ‘exception’ be grateful.

Cheap Dates

He always asks you on a date where he doesn’t want to spend too much money on you. I get it, dating can be expensive, but there’s something to be said about a guy who won’t even buy you a coffee.

I had a single friend tell me just the other day that a guy on a dating site asked her to “go for a stroll.” When she said she didn’t want to do that, he became agitated and asked, “What’s wrong with just a stroll?” Nothing is wrong with a stroll, but when you want to really meet a woman that you think is attractive and truly get to know her, you won’t ask her to go for just a walk? Additionally, he wanted her to drive for an hour Los Angeles traffic to meet him for that stroll!

This kind of scenario is usually a clear sign that he really doesn’t want to invest any time, money or effort in getting to know you. That’s just not a good look if you’re trying to get into a relationship.

Boundary Bashing

He tells you he is willing to wait the first few weeks, so that you can get to know each other, before having sex. Yet, he broaches the subject over and over, becomes pushy, or touches you inappropriately.

Yep, wake up girls, this isn’t positive attention. This is a sign that he is saying yes to your wishes verbally, but he doesn’t intent to respect your boundaries. He is a ‘boundary basher.’ In this case you can let him know this doesn’t work for you, and if he still doesn’t respect you then he shouldn’t get another date with you. Period.

This is why it is always safe to be in a public place with a guy you do not know. Also, watch your alcohol intake and do not let a guy know where you live, before you actually know him well enough.

Sexual Pressure

You feel like he’s pressuring you to have sex, or that he will leave if you don’t ‘put out.’ A guy that pressures a woman to have sex is only interested in getting laid. Don’t care so much what his needs are. What about your needs?

The fact is that being pressured can be a sign that it’s all about him and in the long run you’re incompatible. Actually, in the short run you’re already incompatible. This is sign that he has no respect for you. It’s also a sign that you are not a good fit. Any guy that resorts to making you feel you owe him sex for any reason, is a guy that you need to get rid of swiftly. Guys who are respectful don’t do this.

Every time you date someone with an issue that you have to work to ignore, you’re settling ~ Andre Breton

Booty Calls

He only calls you very late at night. Guys like this aren’t even trying to hide their intentions. If he only calls you late at night, he’s probably just looking to come over to your place. He will never take you out, never introduce you to his friends or family. He will only text or message you when he feels the need to get laid. A guy that wants to get to know you, will talk to you and communicate throughout the day.

I have a client who got a late night text from a guy. She responded the next morning at 9am, clearly setting a boundary that she wasn’t going to start any late night texting. He didn’t respond to her for 14 hours. She felt it was a game, so she blocked him. Don’t be afraid to just shut it down quickly.

Relationship Evasion

When you tell him you are looking for a relationship, he avoids the subject, or talks around it. A guy who avoids or tries to avoid the relationship talk is not sure he wants a relationship with you, or anyone else for that matter. He is only in it for the sex if he refuses to discuss or answer the question with evading answers such as, “I don’t know what I want,” or “I just want to get to know you first,” or “Isn’t that we all want in the end?”

If you don’t get a straight answer, then it is not a ‘maybe,’ he means it: “I am not looking for a relationship right now, but I am dancing around the subject, because I don’t want to risk losing a chance to sleep with you.” A guy quickly knows if he is really attracted to a woman and you will know if he is serious, because he will make it clear.

But what if he flat out told you from the beginning that he’s not looking for anything serious? Well, when a man tells you that he is not looking for a relationship… believe him. Don’t stick around waiting for him to see the light, because he won’t. He’s already made up his mind and that’s him telling you it’s not going to happen.

I had a client meet a guy that seemed like the perfect man. The problem was that he had just gotten out of a long-term relationship. He told her he wasn’t interested in anything serious. As the weeks went by and they talked more and more, she pressured him by saying she was not going to sleep with him unless she knew they are committed. He told her straight from the start and she didn’t listen. This time however, he told her that he was a “serial monogamist” and that this dating thing is new for him. He said it’s a possibility that later he would want something serious and committed. Well… “later” means “not with you.” Don’t buy into the possibility of hoping he’ll choose you. When a guy says he isn’t interested in anything serious… believe him!

Lack Of Respect

He doesn’t respect you. When a guy likes a girl, but doesn’t respect her, he will have sex with her, but won’t commit to her. That’s just what many guys do. Besides, respect is crucial to a healthy relationship. If you don’t get the feeling he respects you, it’s one of the signs he just wants sex. So, get out of it now! It will only end badly and ugly.

If you want to know what real respect entails here it is: a deep admiration for someone or something shown in positive feelings and actions. This means he is considerate of you and your time and feelings, and in turn he deserves the same. But respect is earned. That is the whole nature of respect. It is earned, not just given.

You didn’t date someone to change him. You dated him because you wanted him for the way he was. Flaws and fears and all ~ Jean Oram

Disappearing Act

As soon as you had sex with him, he leaves. This is common knowledge, and the one sure way how you can tell if the guy will hang around, or not. Guys who want true intimacy, and want to get to know you, are not going to get up and bail after having sex with you. Guys who are only looking to get laid leave pretty quickly after sex. Guys looking for a relationship want to hang out with you, often without sex even being a part of the deal.

Sexual Conquests

He brags and tells you about his many sexual conquests. This is a big one! Guys who are looking to get laid will brag to you about how they bed other women. This type of guy will never be respectful enough or good enough for a relationship. They will wear you out, as you won’t feel as though you are enough. Guys like this are insecure and have narcissistic tendencies. You will always be competing for his attention. If he talks to you about his sex life with other women, tell him to carry on with the other women.

Guys who only want sex will put in the least amount of time and effort possible. They do not care if you are uncomfortable with their lack of communication and their elusiveness. Guys who want to get know you and are serious about a relationship will not have a problem taking the time to do so. He will know his needs will be met if you are a good fit for each other. This goes for women as well.

Your needs will be met if you are with a guy who is a good fit for you. Don’t try to shove a square peg into a round hole, simply because you are needy. Know yourself first and what it is that you need. Your demands will only be met temporarily, but if the guy is the right guy, they will be met forever.

Sometimes a woman only wants to have sex with a guy. That’s fine, as we all have libidos. But let’s be honest, women lead with their hearts. If you fall for Mr. Wrong after sleeping with him, you are going to have a lot of heartache. Guard your heart. We don’t need to have deeply intimate bonds based on actual romantic feelings with everyone, but you could wind up being the ‘booty call who fell in love with her booty call.’  If your feelings aren’t being reciprocated, and he’s giving you many of the signs above, he isn’t serious and just looking to hook up with you. Get out the door immediately!

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