A trusted friend of mine has a funny saying that I find hilariously true. “Love is like the dew,” he says, “it can fall on any piece of poo in the yard.” He’s right you know. You meet this person, you are inexplicably drawn to him. Then you get to know him better. You begin to share your feelings for each other, your views of the world, maybe even your plans for the future.
Then suddenly you also see his shadow side. “What is so wrong with that,” you may ask. I asked that too, but then, as an empath and professional clairvoyant, I have come to understand how just those simple things can send a promising relationship into a tail-spin.
Why would loving someone and sharing your feelings with them be so damaging? It should be easy instead. You meet someone you have very strong feelings for, and he has feelings for you too. It should be wonderful and fulfilling, but in actuality it sometimes turns into something terrifying and destructive.
Love makes people do crazy things. And not feeling loved can bring people to the edge of madness ~ Jacqueline Simon Gunn
We sometimes become these crazed, mad people. We check phone records, follow social media… looking for anything or anyone that would challenge our ‘ownership’ of this person. Some of us even drive by his house at night! We literally spend hours and hours on the phone, talking with friends and family about him, and what he might be saying and doing. Is he really who he claims to be? Does he really love me? Why has he suddenly stopped calling me, what did I do wrong? I haven’t heard from him in days, is it over? Should I call him, or wait for him to call me?
Please don’t read this and say, “How ridiculous, I would never do that!” Trust me, you might someday, like many of us have. You have just not encountered that ‘soul-connected energy’ in someone else. I consult with women and men who are celebrities, doctors, lawyers, school teachers and ministers. You name it, I have talked to them. These people are intelligent, educated, responsible adults. They own businesses and lead other people to enlightenment. But when faced with their piece of the ‘poo pie’… they lose it. We all have the capacity to do so.
So, what exactly are we doing! Well, here is the thing, we are measuring ourselves and others by our own views of the world, and our own ideas of relationships and how they should work. But what do we really know about these things? Do we even know what love really is? Whose truth is it? I mean really, is it our parents’ truth, the church, the talk show host? Whose is it anyway? All I know is, if it was our own truth, it wouldn’t be so difficult.
If you are about to ask me how I know what my truth is, I would say, “Abandon your relationship, right now, and figure it out.” We are all so in our head when we are confronted with being vulnerable in a love situation, that we forget that there is another person involved.
Remember the guy you are in love with? Yeah, the one you are so “in-tune” with; the one that drives you crazy? Yeah, well, he has his own weird beliefs about how love works, and about you too! He may have seen a very controlling woman run a man into the ground, in the name of love. He may have watched a woman telling one man she loved him, while draining his bank account and having sex with another, or worse. Maybe he was that guy. Do you ever stop and think about what his fears and insecurities may be? No, because you are too in your own head to appreciate that he is not as strong, or tough, or with it, as you insist he must be.
Sometimes there’s no cure for the crazy.” Dale sighed, stroking my hair. “I think we all just have to keep loving through it. Maybe that’s the cure ~ Emme Rollins
When it comes to love, we are too often a bunch of drooling idiots. We may act like fools with PhDs, but we behave like fools just the same. Most of us haven’t had enough practice with being vulnerable to others, because in our modern world the key is to not get taken advantage of, or not to look like the fool.
We can’t just love for the sake of loving, because after all, what’s in it for us? What is the gain here? If I love him in all his glorious foolishness, will I get a ring? Will I get someone who is utterly devoted to me, and someone who takes care of me and never lets me go?
Who really cares? I mean really, do you honestly want to be tied to this one person and all his faults for the rest of your life? In a year, will you still want to be with him? Did you just say, yes? How in the world would you know the answer to that question? You don’t, so don’t pretend you do. We don’t know what is going to happen tomorrow, next week, next year. We might just outgrow this person. Hasn’t it happened to you before? Or he might just outgrow you. How about that?
Then we will most likely meet someone new and exciting, and start the process all over again. Why is that not okay? People tell me, “I don’t want to keep starting over.” Fine, then don’t. But sometimes it isn’t your choice, and why would you want to hold back the person you love? If it is his time to leave and move on with his life, if you really love him, why can’t you just let him go?
Our ego is so damaging to our spiritual being. We have to protect our pride, make sure we are getting something out of everything, and everyone. After all, if we don’t get anything out of our relationship, why take the journey? In Buddhism the main precept is Samsara, the cycle of suffering. When we don’t have something, we crave it (suffering). When we have it, we are afraid of losing it (suffering). When we lose it, we are obsessed with getting it back (suffering). And so we start again. But in the Western world we can add a step: we want to be liked by others, so we fear what they think about us (suffering).
Some of us become the controlling mom at the park. You know the one who says, “Johnny, time to go home now!” as she walks over and takes his little hand. Johnny does not want to go with her, but she begins walking anyway with conviction. Soon, she will be forcefully dragging the child, while taking just enough steps necessary to at least keep his little arm attached to his body. If, you are a parent, you know what I’m talking about. Many of us have seen this behavior and thought, “Poor kid.”
If you have to convince someone to stay with you then they have already left ~ Shannon L. Alder
But isn’t that exactly what we sometimes do to our romantic partners? We want them to think and feel exactly what we think and feel. We want them to embody what we could never embody – the perfect partner. We don’t think they should fear being in love. We think they should be more enlightened and stronger than us. They should understand and accept our weaknesses, but not have any of their own. We want to be in love with Gandhi, Buddha, Jesus.
Please. Get over yourself, and get real. Stop dragging the person you love the most, off the playground. If he doesn’t want to follow you, leave him alone, and love him anyway. Yes, that is what I said: love him anyway!
Why? Because that is what a meaningful life is all about: loving others and giving of yourself, and not expecting anything in return. That is what brings us fulfillment, joy, peace and happiness.
I challenge you, the next time you feel the need to change the person you love into the person you want them to be, stop! The next time you feel the need to debase him in front of other people, in order to get them to tell you that you are wrong to be loving him, don’t. Just love him anyway.
My favorite author, Ilyanla Vansant, writes, “Either you love them or you don’t, either you stay or you won’t. Make a decision and stick to it.” I dare you to just love your partner, husband, or boyfriend. Just love them unconditionally for the drooling, unenlightened idiots they are, and in the process, why don’t you cut yourself some slack?
| PsychicAccess.com.Rishi is a fun-loving, talented reader in Florida, who began her career reading for church goers, friends and family, in 1992, using the natural intuitive abilities she first realized at age four! Her clients have included: politicians, lawyers, a famous composer and a crew member on CSI. She has studied the human psyche, earning multiple certifications in meditation training and yoga, she’s mastered the Energy Body, and is always looking to increase her base of knowledge. Rishi started a meditation and mindfulness website for kids and teens and has mentored many budding psychics along the way. Her four Spirit Guides help her to tune-in to topics very quickly and you will receive a very full reading, packed with messages, from this remarkable, witty and highly accurate reader. You can find Rishi at |
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