Living among the muggles* I have spent decades hiding my secret life as a spiritual being. I remember as a child being terrified thinking my mother (a therapist) might put me in a funny farm. I even made my big brother promise he would not let that happen! Poor guy. He was worried for me too…
I was always so strange. I was a full-blown flower child, a starseed who thought the world existed for us to share, and that we are meant to support each other. And for decades I was able to live in and create that around me. I look back now and wonder how I managed not to get robbed, raped, or killed? I wandered through most of my life trusting absolutely everyone.
Once conform, once do what others do because they do it, and a kind of lethargy steals over all the finer senses of the soul ~ Michel Eyquem de Montaigne
I hugged the wrong people and never had a sense of danger, even when guns were pointed at me. I was always sure justice would prevail. My brother once said, with great exasperation, “Not everyone here is your friend!” I was like a golden retriever – expecting a pat on the head, a hug, and a treat from everyone in every situation.
As life went on, I began to realize that I lived in an idealistic world that most people could not see or perceive. Once I entered the corporate world, Earth became a sad and lonely place for me. I was rejected for being ‘different’ and I soon had to learn to pass as a ‘muggle.’
Two years ago, my professional life ended, and I could finally come out of the closet with my spiritual work. I was instantly rejected by some people, who used to think of me as perceptive, smart, funny and successful. Suddenly, I was no longer that person in their eyes. Their prejudice was surprisingly difficult and sad for me to bear.
Coming out of the spiritual closet meant I had to unlearn decades of adopted muggle behavior. I had spent years second guessing how to act like a normal person, when I was at work or at a social event with muggles. I wanted to get along with everyone, be accepted and blend in. I even struggled to make inane remarks to try and be like everyone else. I dumbed myself down, trying to not draw too much unwanted attention to myself. I found that acting stupid, or clumsy, or needy, made people feel better and that could sometimes deflect jealousies I often heard about years later.
In addition to hiding my metaphysical inclinations, I soon learned I also had to dumb down, or conceal, my rather hefty intellect and the fact that I had earned a PhD. It was amazing to me to hear people congratulate and give accolades to someone for being, say, a recovering addict with five children, and then watch them react with disdain to my working three jobs for almost a decade, while getting a PhD. Only once has someone congratulated me – a medical doctor who literally shook my hand saying it was a true achievement. So, for years I chose to hide my spirituality and my intellect, rather than negotiate the reactions, rejections, and jealousies.
The wizards represent all that the true ‘muggle’ most fears: They are plainly outcasts and comfortable with being so. Nothing is more unnerving to the truly conventional than the unashamed misfit! ~ J.K. Rowling
Many thought me strange, in part because my attempts at acting normal really sucked. Often, knowing that an accident or an argument was going to happen, or that an animal was in pain, or a spouse cheating, I could say nothing. I chose to remain silent, as people used to say I actually caused these events by being “negative.” Yet, we don’t say a weather person on television is negative for predicting a storm? People said I was being judgmental, so I had to work hard at telling white lies and go along with muggle perceptions of the situation at hand.
Whenever I sensed something people would consider ‘good’ or ‘positive’ it sometimes worked when I spoke up. However, my ideas of positive and negative are quite different from those of muggles. Positive spiritually may not necessarily look positive on the earth plane. I had to listen carefully to hear how others were perceiving the situation, so I could match my comments. This is probably what it is like for folks who are considered mildly autistic.
These social challenges are also true in cross cultural situations – in my case, a Star Child visiting Earth. I had to work hard to learn ‘appropriate’ social skills. How else would as I have become a ‘true’ professional? It worked, because over the years I moved up through the ranks as a professor, associate dean, department chair, and corporate trainer.
How I managed to retain my sanity remains a miracle to me. How do you have a poker-faced conversation with someone you know is an alcoholic, and talk as if they are not? How do you complement someone on their claims of a ‘great marriage’ when you know one of them is cheating? How do you work with a boss that lied about having a PhD (required for the job) and abused his subordinates? How did I manage it? Well, I learned to make jokes or to keep my mouth shut, or I found solitude. In some cases, when I knew I was moving on, or it was too painful to comply with the current practices of the culture, I did show more of my true self, and this usually polarized people. Fellow Star Children loved me, and supported my work, while the muggles became a lynch mob.
Almost every man wastes part of his life in attempts to display qualities which he does not possess, and to gain applause which he cannot keep ~ Samuel Johnson
In this era, honesty is a trait worse than being a drug user or a con artist. We live in a shame-based culture where secrets are cultivated. How can we progress spiritually, or even have any kind of close relationship or friendship, when we spend most of our energy creating camouflage to hide secrets and shame? How close can we get to each other, when life is based on hiding things we are scared to feel, or reveal. How can Spirit be a part of our lives, or offer guidance, when we are so ashamed as to be actively dishonest? I find this all very sad and lonely – not being with people, but with their cover up. Having to be complicit in their cover up, so as not to hurt feelings, and putting that as a priority over spiritual growth or emotional closeness. Apparently it is not like this on my home planet. Earth is an alien culture for many Star Children.
My life, when not paying bills or picking up horse poop (or picking fur out of my nose) is a journey of inner currents, populated by the fabulous furs that grace my life, and the Spirit Guides and Energetic Beings that are my family. I am in recovery now. Earthlings Anonymous. Learning to again be me, and allowing myself to survive the rejections and losses.
My life has changed in the last few years and has given me a terrain where I do not have to dumb myself down by pretending that I am a muggle. I also no longer need to pretend that I am not smart, nor do I have to support shame-based behaviors in others. At times, it is difficult. I have a great deal of un-learning still to do, but I am growing in courage. I am getting much better at not diminishing myself, in order to make someone else feel better. My life experiences gained in the muggle years allowed me to help other Star Children navigate their ride through the muggle world – to be in it, but not of it. Journey On.
* Muggle is a term found in the Harry Potter books by J. K. Rowling and refers to a ‘normal person’ who does not have magical powers and cannot see the hidden world of wizardry.
| PsychicAccess.com.Nonna lives in Southern California, and is a professor of psychology and a teacher of psychic development, energy work and meditation, who has recently finished her PhD. She has been a counselor for both humans and animals for thirty years, removing energy blocks through her expertise in the spiritual arts. She also has numerous years of study and practice with classic psychological therapeutic models, family work, twelve-step processes, nutritional and body/mind/spirit healing, complementary, alternative, and quantum medicine. Nonna is brilliant at unearthing the gems in every client’s soul and polishing them to a fine finish. To release your own soul’s sparkle, contact Nonna at |
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