I speak to so many men and women who are in abusive relationships. They often have explanations for their abusive loved ones, telling me about the tremendous stress their partner, mother, father, friend, child or sibling is dealing with. They didn’t mean it. They make excuses for their behavior.
“He temporarily loses his mind, but he realizes he’s done wrong and apologizes. He said he was sorry, it won’t happen again.”
The most authentic thing about us is our capacity to create, to overcome, to endure, to transform, to love and to be greater than our suffering ~ Ben Okri
“Well, yes it’s happened before, but you don’t understand, it was partially my fault. It was my own fault, I should have cleaned the dishes better, I shouldn’t have given him that ‘look.’ I didn’t move fast enough, I was being mouthy, I should have just agreed. I fought back and that got them angrier. I should have left the house, I was trying to make it right and calm him down.”
What is it that you think you’ve done that would make it okay for anyone to hit you?
“I don’t know…I don’t know. He just got mad when we were having dinner.”
About what? Not that the what really matters, for he should have never laid hands on you, ever.
“I can’t remember, he didn’t touch me, the table hit me when he overturned it. I shouldn’t have been in the way, it was my own fault.”
It breaks my heart that you live in such fear and self blame. You’re trying to justify his actions. There is no justification. Abuse is abuse, you wouldn’t have gotten hurt or scared if he didn’t toss the table over. He owns that.
These victims often have no one to talk to. If they share their struggle or grief, then the cat is out of the bag. They fear being judged themselves for putting up with it, for not reporting them, for staying. They don’t want anyone to know. They live in fear and what if they find out. Then there could be real trouble, they will pay.
“I will pay.” That is the shortest, saddest statement I’ve ever heard. For it is never posed as a question, but rather a fact.
“I promise if you run I will find you. I promise if you tell your parents I will kill them. I promise if anyone finds out about his, they’ll never find your body. No one will believe you, I’ve told them about how emotional you get. You’re the one on anti-depressants, who do you think they will believe? You know what makes me upset, why do you push my buttons?”
You can recognize survivors of abuse by their courage. When silence is so very inviting, they step forward and share their truth so others know they aren’t alone ~ Jeanne McElvaney
No, no actually she doesn’t. That changes from day to day, sometimes minute to minute. Her mere breathing can upset him to the point where his fists are tight and looming over her body. And afterwards: “I promise to never do it again.”
In reality they will find something to be upset about, there is nothing you can do right, ever. The expression “walking on eggshells” comes to mind. I have had many women tell me the scariest times are when they don’t see it coming. One minute he’s Prince Charming, the next the Devil himself.
Can you imagine living your life like this? Yet, many do.
I am here, I am here to speak with, I have been there, I know your fear. There is help. There are shelters, you can be protected, for the laws are changing and shifting so he cannot get to you. Tell the police, tell your family, your friends. Let them know, so they can take precautionary steps to protect you and themselves.
There is no shame in this. He is the one who is shamed. You are a survivor, and now you need to do whatever you have need to thrive, without the fear of being berated, beaten. Without the fear of being isolated.
Reach out. Take the hand of those who will help you. You are strong. Be the goddess who stands up and says no. If every woman did, what a different world we would live in.
| PsychicAccess.com.Isthemus is an experienced psychic advisor with her own Metaphysical Company based out of the Fraser Valley of British Columbia. A natural born empath, clairsentient, clairvoyant, intuitive Counsellor and psychic advisor. Patty still does Paranormal Investigations as well as teaching workshops on how to interpret signs. You can talk to Isthemus at |
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