Marriage isn’t an institution as much as it is an arrangement between two people. That arrangement may mean different things to different people. We all have different views of marriage. Wisdom dictates that you should discuss and decide beforehand what to do with finances, children, in-laws. These are not trivial things.
Once you’ve said your “I do’s”, there is no turning back. Couples who do not want their finances mixed together, need to make that clear from the very beginning. Perhaps I am too old-fashioned, but a pre-nuptial agreement to me is just another way of planning your divorce; it is the paper that says “I love you, but I don’t trust you.” Or the mine, mine, mine, syndrome. You both work to earn an income, but everything is only in one person’s name. Control issues much?
Even the jerks earn some of our affection. We can be glad they’re gone and yet still mourn the good parts ~ Shannon Hale
Yes, we all may drag old experiences into new ones, but when there is no trust, there is no relationship. Period. If you do not trust the person you’ve asked to spend your life with, then do not marry them. Simple as that. And if your trust has been broken and irreparable, then part ways, and split your stuff – it’s just stuff. It’s only money, but it also costs money to restart anyone’s life, so be fair with each other.
In my wildest nightmares, I could not live in a home with a partner that did not trust me. Nor me, him. Many years ago I trusted a partner and it did not turn out well for me. It’s a long, twisted and complicated story. Many have asked me if I would be so “stupid” again. First off, I don’t believe I was being stupid. I was being a real partner. I did what I did with an open heart, believing that he would do the same for me. When our relationship dissolved, it wasn’t gradual – it was done. It became immediately apparent that he and his mother had an agenda, and I wasn’t wrong.
That venture cost me and my daughters dearly, for we couldn’t even get our clothes or personal items back. He and his mother took possession of our home and that was that. My youngest daughter and I ended up living out of a suitcase in the den of a friend’s home. To add insult to injury, he had my car towed. It was in his name, because of my health issues. Within 24 hours we were homeless, and broke. The joint accounts had been frozen and my credit cards cancelled.
It is wise to remember that the person whom you’re splitting from is not the same person you fell in love with. It’s now war. I truly believe he thought that was the only way to control me, but it didn’t work. For I would have lived in a tent for the rest of my life, rather than expose myself or my children to the abuse being heaped on us.
Divorce is one of the most financially traumatic things you can go through. Money spent on getting mad or getting even is money wasted ~ Richard Wagner
It was a long road to come back up for air, for I was drowning in the negativity and the anger. I was angry, because I wouldn’t have done it to him. So, I could not comprehend how someone could do it to me? What is so difficult about parting ways like adults? Yes, there is hurt and anger, it’s what you do with it that matters.
When a relationship fails, be good to yourself and your ex-partner. The parting of ways is painful. Restrict the desire to retaliate and simply move on with your life, and let them move on with theirs. You once loved each other, but now that loving feeling is gone, so it’s time to grow up and move on with dignity.
For those of you going through a messy breakup, remember a few things. First off, if you have children involved, it’s their needs, comfort and security that needs to be put first. So, grow up. They are not little chess pieces that you move around the board to “hurt” the other person with, or manipulate your partner into doing what you want them to do.
I have seen a music video that depicts a woman destroying a car with a baseball bat, because her boyfriend cheated on her. We feed our anger, it seems like a good idea, until you get charged with destruction of property. Don’t think for a minute he’s just going to look at the destroyed property and “learn a lesson”.
This is the real world, for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. If the damaged party takes the high road and lets the law deal with it, instead of planning the next attack in retaliation, consider yourself lucky. It can be situations like this which will lead to the type of scenario portrayed in the film War of the Roses – it’s all deranged fun and games until someone dies.
If you spend your time hoping someone will suffer the consequences for what they did to your heart, then you’re allowing them to hurt you a second time in your mind ~ Shannon L. Alder
I had a situation years ago with a couple who were going through a breakup. It was emotionally and physically abusive. One partner did not want to let go and it became very dangerous, very quickly. There are so many examples of bad behavior, and what do we do, we applaud them. “That will show them,” we say. The black humor feeds into the anger. I recently saw pictures of a divorce situation where the man was to split everything with his wife 50/50. He used the system to get away with what I believe is ridiculous, juvenile behavior. He cut everything in half, the car, the cell phones, the furniture. As far as I know he at least left the house intact!
So, your inner child comes out. To punish, to make a passive aggressive points with no retribution… if you’re smart about it. Believe me, it is something you will be proud of when you try explaining it to your children one day. You’re only teaching them how to retaliate, how to punish those who have hurt your feelings. Interesting, irresponsible lessons. Keeping each other emotionally hostage is destructive for you and your families. If there are children involved, would it not be better to have two parents that love them and show them how to deal with bad situations like emotionally mature adults, it’s a lesson that they will take with them.
To go out of your way to make your ex partner struggle financially is not the answer either. Let it go. Money is nothing more than a tool. Fighting over finances is just another way to punish and mask your true feelings of grief, or regret. Be fair and firm in your dealings with each other, and then move on… so you can live your life free from the ties that bind.
| PsychicAccess.com.Isthemus is an experienced psychic advisor with her own Metaphysical Company based out of the Fraser Valley of British Columbia. A natural born empath, clairsentient, clairvoyant, intuitive Counsellor and psychic advisor. Patty still does Paranormal Investigations as well as teaching workshops on how to interpret signs. You can talk to Isthemus at |
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